Showing posts with label Synod on the Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Synod on the Family. Show all posts

Monday, April 25, 2016

Married Love is Total Self-Giving, Says Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia

This fourth and last in a series of posts on Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia looks at how love is a total gift of self. Earlier posts focused on the Pope's praise of the faithful, free, and fruitful aspects of married love.

Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia (Joy of Love) should be required reading in pre-Cana classes, say commentators, because the Pope explains Catholic teaching on marriage so wisely and elegantly to the current generation. Throughout the papal exhortation, you can find the themes of the four marks or "keys" of married love: faithfulness, freedom, fruitfulness, and a total gift of self. The idea of a total gift of self was a cornerstone of Pope St. John Paul II's Theology of the Body. 

In embracing and beautifully restating this idea of John Paul II's, Pope Francis turns to the Old Testament's Song of Songs:
as the woman of the Song of Solomon will sing in a magnificent profession of love and mutual self-bestowal: “My beloved is mine and I am his… I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” (2:16; 6:3).(12)

Because married love is total, it alone can "symbolize the union of the human heart with God" (142). Married love is pleasurable, passionate, and "all-encompassing," he says. It "is also exclusive, faithful and open to new life. It shares everything in constant mutual respect" (125).

Married love transcends the present moment and encompasses "a totality that includes the future," says Pope Francis (214). It is a living contradiction of today's "culture of the ephemeral," which "fails to promote love or self-giving" (39). Ultimately, marriage reveals divine love, "a love manifested in the total self-gift of Jesus Christ, who even now lives in our midst and enables us to face together the storms of life at every stage" (290).

The Pope wisely reminds us that a total gift of self is not the same as a total loss of self:
The ideal of marriage cannot be seen purely as generous donation and self-sacrifice, where each spouse renounces all personal needs and seeks only the other’s good without concern for personal satisfaction. We need to remember that authentic love also needs to be able to receive the other, to accept one’s own vulnerability and needs.... (157)
A call to marriage is not a call to martyrdom! It's a call for each spouse to become the person God wants them to be with the help of the other. According to Pope Francis:
As love matures, it also learns to “negotiate”. Far from anything selfish or calculating, such negotiation is an exercise of mutual love, an interplay of give and take, for the good of the family. At each new stage of married life, there is a need to sit down and renegotiate agreements, so that there will be no winners and losers, but rather two winners. (220)

The total, self-giving love of spouses is meant to be shared with their children. Parents who continue to love "when children prove troublesome and ungrateful" are "a sign of the free and selfless love of Jesus" (162). But selfless love can show itself every day, not only in times of crisis, Pope Francis says.
We can be fully present to others only by giving fully of ourselves and forgetting all else. Our loved ones merit our complete attention. Jesus is our model in this, for whenever people approached to speak with him, he would meet their gaze, directly and lovingly (cf. Mk 10:21). No one felt overlooked in his presence, since his words and gestures conveyed the question: “What do you want me to do for you?” (Mk 10:51). This is what we experience in the daily life of the family. We are constantly reminded that each of those who live with us merits complete attention, since he or she possesses infinite dignity as an object of the Father’s immense love (323).

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Fruitful Love Symbolizes God's Inner Life, says Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia

This is the third in a series of posts showing how Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia explores the themes of faithful, free, fruitful and total love (or The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, as we call them in our recently released book). The first two posts examined how sacramental married love is faithful and forgiving and respects personal freedom, according to Pope Francis. This post focuses on the theme of fruitfulness in Amoris Laetitia.


The night before Pope Francis officially released Amoris Laetitia (The Joy of Love), I was chatting about it with Fr. Dave Dwyer on the Busted Halo radio show. Revealing that he had been able to get his hands on an advance copy, Fr. Dave told me, "You're going to love it. He says a lot about fruitfulness."

And Fr. Dave was right. Amoris Laetitia includes an entire chapter entitled "Love Made Fruitful," which praises both sexuality and fertility as gifts from God. The Washington Post trumpeted: "It is, perhaps, a strange lesson from a pope: Even the erotic can be divine." Never mind that popes, most notably St. John Paul II, have taught this lesson since the late 1970s. And although one blogger "derisively dubbed" Pope Francis' exhortation "The Joy of Sex," it could just as easily bear the name "The Joy of Fruitfulness."

Stressing the generous cooperation of parents in God's plan for creation, Pope Francis states:
The couple that loves and begets life is a true, living icon – not an idol like those of stone or gold prohibited by the Decalogue – capable of revealing God the Creator and Saviour. For this reason, fruitful love becomes a symbol of God’s inner life (cf. Gen 1:28; 9:7; 17:2-5, 16; 28:3; 35:11; 48:3-4). .... Seen this way, the couple’s fruitful relationship becomes an image for understanding and describing the mystery of God himself, for in the Christian vision of the Trinity, God is contemplated as Father, Son and Spirit of love (11).
Pope Francis sees a strong connection between the themes of faithfulness and fruitfulness. The "joys and sacrifices" of faithfulness "bear fruit as the years go by and the couple rejoices to see their children’s children," says the pope (231). For that reason, the Church is "grateful" for "the witness of marriages that have not only proved lasting, but also fruitful and loving" (38).

Perhaps in penance for his earlier off-the-cuff comment that Catholics don't have to breed like rabbits, Pope Francis emphasizes that "large families are a joy for the Church" because "they are an expression of the fruitfulness of love" (167). He also reaffirms Catholic teaching against the practice of abortion and contraception.

But Pope Francis also goes beyond the concept of physical fertility by talking about "an expanding fruitfulness" (178-184). He encourages both adoption and foster care, saying that they "express[] a particular kind of fruitfulness in the marriage experience, and not only in cases of infertility. ....They make people aware that children, whether natural, adoptive or taken in foster care, are persons in their own right who need to be accepted, loved and cared for, and not just brought into this world" (180).

The pope pointedly remarks: "We also do well to remember that procreation and adoption are not the only ways of experiencing the fruitfulness of love" (181). He gives examples of what our book calls "emotional" or "spiritual" fertility:
Each of us is a “fisher of men” (Lk 5:10) who in Jesus’ name “casts the nets” (cf. Lk 5:5) to others, or a farmer who tills the fresh soil of those whom he or she loves, seeking to bring out the best in them. Marital fruitfulness involves helping others, for “to love anybody is to expect from him something which can neither be defined nor foreseen; it is at the same time in some way to make it possible for him to fulfill this expectation” (322).
Pope Francis cautions that "no family" -- even one with many children -- "can be fruitful if it sees itself as overly different or 'set apart'" (182). All families are "called to make their mark on society, finding other expressions of fruitfulness that in some way prolong the love that sustains them" (181). By arousing a desire for God, reflecting the beauty of the Gospel, and serving the poor, a family's "fruitfulness expands and in countless ways makes God’s love present in society," he says (184).

Monday, April 18, 2016

Pope Francis Praises Personal Freedom in Family Life

The four keys to a lasting marriage are faithful, free, fruitful, and total love, as we explain in our newly released book on Catholic marriage. Pope Francis stresses these same four themes in his recent exhortation Amoris Laetitia (Joy of Love). Our last blogpost looked at what the pope had to say about the first key, faithfulness, and this post looks at his praise of  personal freedom, the second key. 


Some people fear that marriage or family life will restrict their freedom. But in Amoris Laetitia, Pope Francis asserts that faithful love and personal freedom are not contradictory. He says:
“freedom and fidelity are not opposed to one another; rather, they are mutually supportive, both in interpersonal and social relationships. ... Honouring one’s word, fidelity to one’s promises: these are things that cannot be bought and sold. They cannot be compelled by force or maintained without sacrifice” (214).
Freedom is not the same as license, the pope reminds us. "It is easy nowadays to confuse genuine freedom with the idea that each individual can act arbitrarily, as if there were no truths, values and principles to provide guidance, and everything were possible and permissible," he laments (34). This false idea of freedom leads people to sweep aside their commitment to love "whenever it proves inconvenient or tiresome" (id.). A self-centered lack of faith in the future is the opposite of true freedom.

"Free love" and "free choice" have become dirty words in some circles. But true "freedom of choice makes it possible to plan our lives and to make the most of ourselves" (33). A freedom enriched by "noble goals" and "personal discipline" is precisely what allows each of us "to give oneself generously to others" (id.).

A person who knows how to give love freely and generously will patiently wait for a free gift of love in return. "Indeed, the deeper love is, the more it calls for respect for the other’s freedom and the ability to wait until the other opens the door to his or her heart,” states Pope Francis (99). A mature love does not fear:
we do not have to control the other person, to follow their every step lest they escape our grip. Love trusts, it sets free, it does not try to control, possess and dominate everything. This freedom, which fosters independence, an openness to the world around us and to new experiences, can only enrich and expand relationships. ... [T]his freedom makes for sincerity and transparency, for those who know that they are trusted and appreciated can be open and hide nothing. Those who know that their spouse is always suspicious, judgmental and lacking unconditional love, will tend to keep secrets, conceal their failings and weaknesses, and pretend to be someone other than who they are (115).
A person who knows how to love freely and generously will also willingly take second place, realizing that the first place in every person's life, even a spouse, belongs to God. Francis explains: "There comes a point where a couple’s love attains the height of its freedom and becomes the basis of a healthy autonomy. This happens when each spouse realizes that the other is not his or her own, but has a much more important master, the one Lord" (320).

Just as loving spouses don't seek total control over each other, they don't seek to micromanage their children's choices either, according to Pope Francis. Instead, the parents' responsibility is teach their children "the wise use of freedom" (274). He explains:
Obsession ... is not education. We cannot control every situation that a child may experience. .... What is most important is the ability lovingly to help them grow in freedom, maturity, overall discipline and real autonomy. Only in this way will children come to possess the wherewithal needed to fend for themselves and to act intelligently and prudently whenever they meet with difficulties. The real question, then, is not where our children are physically, or whom they are with at any given time, but rather where they are existentially, where they stand in terms of their convictions, goals, desires and dreams (261).
As children develop their own personalities and talents and discover their own path, they can teach their parents as much as their parents have taught them. "Inevitably, each child will surprise us with ideas and projects born of that freedom, which challenge us to rethink our own ideas. This is a good thing," maintains the pope (262).

In short, freedom in family life "is something magnificent," he says (267).

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia Praises Faithful and Forgiving Love

Reading the full text of Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia, I experienced the odd sensation that the Pope and I must have been poring over the same exact Church documents for the past two years. The themes of faithfulness, personal freedom, fruitfulness, and total gift of self are woven throughout the Pope's exhortation, and of course they're the central points of our recently released book The Four Keys to Everlasting Love. This article looks at what Pope Francis says about the first key, faithful and forgiving love.

While advocating mercy and compassion for families who have been torn apart, Pope Francis is not forgetting those who have struggled and yet remain together. In his recent exhortation Amoris Laetitia (Joy of Love), Pope Francis thanks and praises faithful families:
With inner joy and deep comfort, the Church looks to the families who remain faithful to the teachings of the Gospel, encouraging them and thanking them for the testimony they offer. For they bear witness, in a credible way, to the beauty of marriage as indissoluble and perpetually faithful (no. 86).
Looking to Scripture, the pope points out that marriage is "a covenant before God that calls for fidelity" (no. 123). He quotes the following beautiful passage from the Old Testament Book of Malachi (2:14-16):

The Lord was witness to the covenant between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant… Let none be faithless to the wife of his youth. For I hate divorce, says the Lord.
By "supporting one another, growing old together," a husband and wife reflect "God’s own faithfulness," states Francis (no. 319). But fidelity is more than "obedient resignation. Rather, it is a matter of the heart" (id.). Again and again, a husband and wife have to rekindle their desire for love and commitment, he acknowledges.
Every morning, on rising, we reaffirm before God our decision to be faithful, come what may in the course of the day. And all of us, before going to sleep, hope to wake up and continue this adventure, trusting in the Lord’s help. In this way, each spouse is for the other a sign and instrument of the closeness of the Lord, who never abandons us (id.).
In deeply poetic language, the pope compares a long-lasting marriage to a fine wine:
Just as a good wine begins to “breathe” with time, so too the daily experience of fidelity gives married life richness and “body”. Fidelity has to do with patience and expectation. Its joys and sacrifices bear fruit as the years go by and the couple rejoices to see their children’s children. .... Saint John of the Cross tells us that “old lovers are tried and true”. They “are outwardly no longer afire with powerful emotions and impulses, but now taste the sweetness of the wine of love, well-aged and stored deep within their hearts” (no. 231).

What will allow married couples to remain faithful, to stay the course, and reach that final stage of contentment? In a word, love. "We cannot encourage a path of fidelity and mutual self-giving without encouraging the growth, strengthening and deepening of conjugal and family love," states the Pope (no. 89). Of course, he is not referring to the ephemeral love of sit-coms and celebrities, but the love that St. Paul eloquently describes in his First Letter to the Corinthians, Chapter 13, a love that is, among other things, forgiving. 

Forgiveness is not an action that happens once and is over and done. It's a continuing attitude. We don't have to solve everything before we forgive everything. "Even amid unresolved conflicts and confused emotional situations," faithful spouses "daily reaffirm their decision to love, to belong to one another, to share their lives and to continue loving and forgiving," states Francis (no. 163).

To forgive one another, we have to acknowledge our part in the conflict. The Pope advises: "In resolving sincerely to forgive the other, each has to ask quietly and humbly if he or she has not somehow created the conditions that led to the other’s mistakes" (no. 236). "Even if it seems clear that the other person is at fault, a crisis will never be overcome simply by expecting him or her to change. We also have to ask what in our own life needs to grow or heal if the conflict is to be resolved," he adds (no. 240).

To forgive someone, especially when they have hurt us, requires accepting and forgiving ourselves. Sometimes our loved ones tell us things that we don't like to hear. None of us is perfect, but it can hurt when someone points that out. As Francis says:
Often our mistakes, or criticism we have received from loved ones, can lead to a loss of self-esteem. We become distant from others, avoiding affection and fearful in our interpersonal relationships. Blaming others becomes falsely reassuring. We need to learn to pray over our past history, to accept ourselves, to learn how to live with our limitations, and even to forgive ourselves, in order to have this same attitude towards others (no. 107).
We are more able to forgive others when we have received forgiveness from God.  Forgiveness is a grace-filled gift from God, one that we frequently don't deserve. We love God because he first loved us, and we can forgive others because God has first forgiven us. In the Pope's words, "If we accept that God’s love is unconditional, that the Father’s love cannot be bought or sold, then we will become capable of showing boundless love and forgiving others even if they have wronged us. Otherwise, our family life will no longer be a place of understanding, support and encouragement, but rather one of constant tension and mutual criticism" (no. 108).

We are more able to forgive when we pray. If our default attitude tends more toward resentment than forgiveness, we can change. We can change through (1) "a sincere self-examination," (2) "recognizing a need for healing," (3) "the determination not to give up but to keep trying." and most of all (4) "insistent prayer for the grace to forgive and be forgiven" (no. 240). Through all these ways, we can learn or relearn the art of faithful and forgiving love.

Monday, April 11, 2016

Don't Let Controversy Smear the Gems of Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia

I woke up early with a lot of the Catholic world on this past Friday to catch the earliest possible glimpse of Pope Francis' exhortation Amoris Laetitia (The Joy of Love). The pope wanted to challenge people, and he did. But he also penned some remarkably wise and beautiful words on how to have an enduring marriage. Here's my article for Aleteia on the chapters of Amoris Laetitia that Pope Francis wrote directly to married couples.

After nearly eighteen months of speculation, the other shoe has dropped and Pope Francis has finally issued his apostolic exhortation on the 2014-15 Synod of the Family. In true Francis fashion, he has issued a document that he hopes will challenge everyone (para. 7). Against calls for “general rules” or “immoderate … change”, he instead articulates a philosophy of accompaniment, which depends not on rules but on relationships (para. 2). In particular he urges us to cherish the good in every family situation, no matter how irregular (paras. 77, 292).

Apart from sparking an inevitable firestorm of controversy around hot-button issues, Amoris Laetitia (The Joy of Love) also directs stirringly beautiful words of encouragement and inspiration to married couples in line with the teaching of Pope St. John Paul II. Commentators have long wondered and worried if the thoughts of John Paul II would be reflected in this newest Church pronouncement on the family. The reading guide for bishops, presented earlier this week, reassured clerics that Amoris Laetitia was heavily inspired by the Theology of the Body, the former pontiff’s ground-breaking discourses on marriage and sexuality.

Amoris Laetitia combines brilliant Scriptural analysis akin to John Paul II’s with a healthy dash of Francis’ plain-spoken, homespun wisdom. Its praise of sexual and erotic love echoes Pope Benedict XVI in Deus Caritas Est (God is Love). Pope Francis’ Chapter One on the Biblical basis of marriage tracks the journey of Adam and Eve from solitude to togetherness, and then to suffering and finally redemption through Jesus Christ (paras. 9-22), just as John Paul did II in the opening addresses of the Theology of the Body.

The two “central chapters” of Amoris Laetitia, and the ones in which Pope Francis speaks most directly to married couples, are Chapters Four and Five (paras. 6-7).  Chapter Four leads us line by line through St. Paul’s much-beloved Hymn to Love in  1 Corinthians 13, while Chapter Five focuses on the fruitful love that is “a symbol of God’s inner life” (para. 11). These chapters offer the following strikingly practical insights on how to live the married vocation to the fullest.

See each other (para. 128). “We often hear in families: ’My husband does not look at me’” or “’My wife no longer looks at me, she only has eyes for our children,’” notes Pope Francis. Husbands and wives must not withhold a “look of appreciation,” a gaze of “contemplative love,” even when our spouse has become “infirm, elderly or physically unattractive,” he continues. “Much hurt and many problems result when we stop looking at one another.”

Listen to each other (paras. 100, 137, 139). “How often we hear complaints like: ‘He does not listen to me,’” adds Pope Francis. Husbands and wives show love when we “listen patiently and attentively,” exercising “the self-discipline of not speaking until the time is right.” Our ability to listen depends on whether we cultivate “interior silence” and an ability to acknowledge the worth of the other person and their perspective. “The combination of two different ways of thinking can lead to a synthesis that enriches both,” he wisely observes. 

And when we finally speak, “words should be carefully chosen,” he says. “Those who love are capable of speaking words of comfort, strength, consolation, and encouragement ... not words that demean, sadden, anger or show scorn.”

Touch each other (paras. 148, 157). Authentic married love will “welcome with sincere and joyful gratitude … a caress, an embrace, a kiss and sexual union,” says Francis. The search for sexual pleasure should not resemble an obsessive insatiability, however. “Excess, lack of control or obsession with a single form of pleasure can end up weakening and tainting that very pleasure and damaging family life,” the Pope warns.

Let nothing rob you of the joy of parenthood (paras. 168, 171, 179). “Don’t let fears, worries, other people’s comments or problems lessen your joy,” Pope Francis encourages us. Children are a gift from God, and the conception of each child marks a moment when “the Creator’s eternal dream [of that child] comes true.” The Pope urges married couples, particularly those who struggle with infertility, to adopt or provide foster care, “offering the gift of a family to someone who has none.”

These nuggets of practical wisdom are a small fraction of the treasures to be found in Amoris Laetitia. The broad sweep of the document covers theological issues like the sacramentality and indissolubility of marriage, economic issues like migration and unemployment, and pastoral issues like marriage preparation, the training of priests, and care for the divorced and remarried. With reason, Pope Francis refers to the Synod proceedings as a “multi-faceted gem” and asks us to devote more than “a rushed reading” to his post-Synodal exhortation (paras. 4, 7).

Monday, January 4, 2016

Firsts and Bests for 2015!!


Proving that 45 may indeed be the new 35, the past year saw me doing a lot of things for the first time in my life. That's true of my husband as well. Bringing equal amounts of fun and fear, here are our firsts for 2015:

  • first time being vetted by the Secret Service for a press pass to a papal Mass
  • first vocal solo in a Cathedral
  • first asked to endorse a book
  • first asked to endorse a film
  • first child to enter high school
  • first child to receive the Sacrament of Confirmation
  • first time teaching pre-Cana for the Joy-Filled Marriage program of the Archdiocese of Newark
  • first attendance at the Catholic Marketing Network trade show
  • first filmed talk
  • first post to reach over 8,000 shares in five languages (English, French, Italian, Spanish, & Vietnamese)

And here are the best Can We Cana? posts for 2015, according to you, dear readers!

Top 10 Most Popular Posts


1. Exciting New Resource for Brides-to-Be from Pauline Books!

2. Top 7 Online Resources for Divorced Catholics

3. Parochial School Girl Meets Public School World (awarded Best in Catholic Blogging)

4. HUGE NEWS: Chris West Will Write the Foreword to Our Marriage Advice Book!

5. Best Catholic Books I Read in 2014

6. 13 Resources on Sacramental Marriage for Everyone from Newbies to Catechists

7. What Pope Francis Meant by Divorced & Remarried Aren't Excommunicated (awarded Best in Catholic Blogging)

8. Your Marriage is a Pearl of Great Price

9. Top Tips for a Joy-Filled Marriage

10. Our Visit to the Only Carthusian Monastery in the U.S.


Top 3 Most Popular Guest Posts


1. How Learning NFP Led this Couple to Convert to Catholicism: Why NFP? by Alicia & Thomas Sanjurjo

2. How to Stay Married 10 Years & Then Some, Third Time Around: Divorce & Remarriage Edition by Marie Therese Kceif

3. Why NFP is Great for Men, Too by Daniel Stewart aka Daniel Bearman of Acts of Idiot Praise


Post with Most Likes & Shares on Social Media


Best Blogposts and Mileposts of 2014!!


Post with the Most Comments


Best & Worst of Bishops Behaving Badly, or Week 2 of the Family Synod


Many blessings on all of you for helping this Catholic marriage support community grow. If there are any topics you'd like to hear more about, please let me know in the comments!


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Thursday, November 12, 2015

Pope Francis' Annulment Reforms are an Act of Mercy

A lot of prominent canon lawyers have expressed concerns about Pope Francis' recent annulment reforms. On behalf of Aleteia.org, I interviewed the people on the ground about how the reforms will actually impact annulment procedures in the United States. Read my interview of the Judicial Vicar of the Metropolitan Tribunal of the Archdiocese of New York and the Director of the Diocesan Tribunal of of New Ulm, Minnesota.


Some accuse Pope Francis' self-initiated annulment reforms as likely to lead to "fast, cheap, drive-through annulments." But the reality is that the Pope is caught between a rock and a hard place. The recent Synod on the Family debated the issue of communion for the divorced and civilly remarried for three weeks, with one camp trumpeting the truth that sacramental marriage is indissoluble and the other camp pleading for mercy for the divorced and civilly remarried yearning to receive the Eucharist again. The annulments process is the obvious bridge between truth and mercy in this difficult situation. If a marriage is declared null by the Church, then the divorced and civilly remarried can have their union blessed by the Church and they can receive Holy Communion.

The annulment reforms will come into effect on December 8, 2015, on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception and the first day of the Jubilee Year of Mercy that Pope Francis has declared. The Pope may be signaling that he sees the annulment reforms as an act of mercy.

Greater access to annulments may help many people to reconcile with the Church. No system is perfect, including the annulments system, because it's made up of human beings with their weaknesses and failings. But I have spoken to canon lawyers across the country who are dedicated to their jobs, the system, and their faith. One judicial vicar whom I called declined to comment directly to the press because of diocesan policy, so we prayed together instead. These men and women are striving to do the best they can.

Pope Francis' annulment reforms highlight more of what's right with the U.S. system than what's wrong. The reforms geared at increasing the speed of the process will shave off only a few months here, as opposed to years in other countries. (The widely reported "45 day annulment" is a myth.) Fees here will generally be lower, but most U.S. dioceses were already shouldering the lion's share of the cost and did not turn people away if they couldn't pay.

I talked about the annulment reforms at length with Fr. Richard Welch, the judicial vicar of the Tribunal of the Archdiocese of New York, and Aldean Hendrickson, the Director of the Diocesan Tribunal of New Ulm, Minnesota. Following are their thoughts.

1. Will the reforms meet Francis' goal of improving "the speed of the processes, along with the appropriate simplicity" and encouraging recourse to annulment procedures by "the enormous number of faithful who ... are too often separated from the legal structures of the Church due to physical or moral distance"?

Fr. Welch (N.Y.): In some dioceses, in some countries, perhaps. But not here. Typically, in our Tribunal, by using the ordinary process and following all its steps, a case is finished between 5 and 7 months. I know there are countries in South America, where the process could take 5 to 6 years. That's not our situation. The process is completely and easily available to anybody in this Archdiocese and in most dioceses in the United States. And the cases actually go through fairly quickly. We have 20 staff members employed at the Tribunal because of the generosity of the Archdiocese, so we can keep cases moving - without cutting any corners, of course.

Hendrickson (New Ulm): In my estimation, the general sense of the faithful right now is that the process is too much trouble to bother with, so if these few reforms encourage new numbers to at least approach their tribunals with cases, then I think that will be a great blessing to those members of the faithful, and to the Church as a whole.


2. Has the episcopal conference set a uniform fee for all annulments in your region? 

Fr. Welch (N.Y.): The Conference has not yet made a pronouncement. But the decision is always ultimately the bishop’s. So, Cardinal Dolan has determined that fees will cease by December 8. I agree that's a good decision at this time.

Hendrickson (New Ulm): I have not heard of any discussions yet by the episcopal conference to address the question of a uniform approach to tribunal fees. Certainly the trend among individual bishops over the past year has been to announce, with great media fanfare, that they are doing away with fees in their respective tribunals, and I would expect that trend to continue.


3. What were the fees before, and how much of tribunal expenses did the fees cover?

Fr. Welch (N.Y.): The typical fee was $1,200, if the petitioner could pay. No one's case was expedited or slowed down because of monetary concerns. The Archdiocese always subsidized three quarters of the costs of the process. Now, the Archdiocese will subsidize the process in full. It's not free because somebody's paying. For the ordinary process, I would estimate the cost to be at least $5,000. As of December, petitioners could make a donation to the Archdiocese, not payable to the Tribunal, if they are inclined to do so.

Hendrickson (New Ulm): At a very rough estimate, salaries alone multiplied by the hours of work involved would put the cost of a case in my tribunal in the vicinity of $3,000. Simply dividing the tribunal budget by the number of cases in a year would, at the moment, give a cost between $8,000 and $9,000. We are a small diocese with a very small shop and considerably less overhead than I imagine could be the case in a larger diocese. The point being that, no matter how you slice it, the cost of a cause of matrimonial nullity is not insignificant. Our diocese has never had such a fee at the outset of the case, but does ask for a "donation" from the petitioner ($500 is suggested) after the case is completely finalized in the petitioner's favor. Only a very few petitioners each year make any response to this solicitation.


4. Pope Francis' reforms also eliminated the need for mandatory appellate review of annulment cases. Do you feel that this eliminates an unnecessary bureaucratic hurdle, or do you have concerns that the reform takes away important oversight that ensured just and accurate results?

Fr. Welch (N.Y.): Eliminating the automatic appeal can remove a significant amount of time from the process. After we finished with a case in first instance, sometimes the case would stay many months in the court of second instance because they don't have the staff we do. I am concerned about taking away oversight and have been for some time. But the reality is that the Interdiocesan Tribunal of New York has 9 dioceses, and they don't have the staff to hear the hundreds of cases that may come before them in a year. Of course, the right to appeal any case remains intact.

Hendrickson (New Ulm): There are strong opinions on both sides of this question. I absolutely believe that sufficient care can be given in the first instance without an appeal: I am just not sure I believe that it will be.


6. The Pope's reforms allow a shortened procedure in cases where nullity "is supported by particularly clear arguments" and where there are difficult circumstances such as an extremely brief marriage, persistent adultery, or violence. Who in your diocese will decide which cases merit the shortened procedure and how will they reach that decision? Does the motu proprio give clear enough guidance?

Fr. Welch (N.Y.): The decision is left to the judicial vicar alone. As the judicial vicar making this decision, I do have enough guidance. First, it is required that it has to be absolutely clear that both parties consent to the grounds in the petition. It is not common that both parties agree to the grounds. The second requirement is that the documents must manifestly prove the nullity of the marriage or at least lean heavily in that direction. I can't remember too many cases like that. The third requirement is that the bishop himself -- and he cannot delegate this to anyone because the new norms charge him personally-- Cardinal Dolan has to sit down in a session, watch the case being presented, weigh the proofs and the facts, and make his determination. There is no 45 day annulment, as the press has reported. That count is only for a middle stage within the entire abbreviated process, and when all the stages are counted we calculated that doing the brief process would take an estimated minimum of 7 months. For us and the way our Tribunal operates, the ordinary process is going to be shorter than the "brief" process.

Hendrickson (New Ulm): I would expect that our judicial vicar would be making that assessment. Whether there will be some mechanism for the sponsoring pastor to nominate the case for the shortened procedure has not yet been discussed at our tribunal (at least not in my hearing).


7. Do you feel like the shortened procedure is a useful form of triage, or do you see a danger that certain marriages will be presumed invalid instead of valid?

Fr. Welch (N.Y.): It could be beneficial, if the conditions are met, in dioceses where personnel and resources are restricted. That 's not the case in this archdiocese or, I imagine, in most dioceses in the United States. I don't see the abbreviated procedure being beneficial here in the Archdiocese of New York, precisely because the ordinary cases are handled in such a complete and expedient way. Now, if the parties request the brief process and they meet all the requirements, we will consider giving it to them, with the prior warning that it could last longer than the ordinary one

Hendrickson (New Ulm): Like any human process, including the version currently in force, this new shortened procedure will be susceptible to misuse or abuse. The tribunals that have been working hard to carefully serve the faithful with a ministry of justice guided by faithful observance of procedural laws and jurisprudence will continue to do so, and those tribunals who have long been accustomed to live by the adage that almost any marriage can be declared invalid if they try hard enough, will continue to follow that course.

8. On a practical level, do bishops have the time to oversee the shortened procedures personally?

Fr. Welch (N.Y.): The Cardinal Archbishop of New York is a very busy man. That's why he has a Tribunal, that's why the judicial power and the work are delegated. I can't imagine a number of cases going to the Archbishop on a monthly basis, where he has to sit down reading and hearing them for hours and hours. These procedures might be more applicable in dioceses without tribunals, and in very remote areas with few or no canon lawyers.

Hendrickson (New Ulm): From my brief experience in diocesan work, no. Of course, the bishops will make time to meet the needs and concerns of their flock, however.


Monday, October 26, 2015

The Grand Finale of Week Three of the Family Synod, or Now What?


The Synod on the Family's final act has concluded, and we can all relax. Or can we? Contrary to widespread concerns (or hopes), the Synod final report did not recommend a change to well-settled Church doctrine. Fortunately, we dodged that bullet. But we still don't know what Pope Francis plans to do next. My take on the Synod's final week.

1. Worldwide Smack-down: Africa vs. Germany, Round Two

Although probably the most well-known of the African bishops, 82-year-old Cardinal Francis Arinze of Nigeria did not participate directly in the Synod on the Family. Nonetheless, in interviews with the press, Cardinal Arinze eloquently articulated the African position.

On the joy of being a Christian: "Christianity is good news in Africa. Young people commit themselves with serious sacrifice to Christianity."

On inviting divorced and civilly remarried Catholics to Holy Communion: "We cannot improve on what Christ has said. We cannot be wiser than him, or say that 'there is a circumstance he did not foresee.' We cannot be more merciful than Christ. We must look for a way to help the divorced who are remarried, [but] we don’t help them by saying, 'Come and receive Holy Communion.'”

On decentralization of doctrine: "Are you going to tell me that we can have a national bishops’ conference in one country that would approve something which, in another conference, would be seen as sin? Is sin going to change according to national borders? ... It looks dangerously like nationalizing right and wrong."

Meanwhile, Cardinal Reinhard Marx of Germany was reduced to taking potshots at more conservative bishops like Cardinal George Pell of Australia, who framed the debate over communion as a clash between supporters of Germany's Cardinal Kasper and followers of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI. Cardinal Marx publicly accused Cardinal Pell of being unhelpful and contradicting the Synod's spirit of cooperation. Cardinal Pell's spokesman responded that he was “delighted to learn that Marx has explained that there’s no contrast between the Kasper camp and Benedict XVI,” calling it “a welcome surprise.”

My vote: Germany loses. Thumbs up.


2. No Skipping School

A group of concerned Catholics began circulating a petition urging Synod participants who support the Church's unchanging doctrine to walk out in protest. The petition garnered more than 2,000 signatures. General public response viewed the petition as in somewhat bad taste and unlikely to accomplish anything. Ultimately, no one walked out on the Synod.

My vote: Thumbs down on the petition.


3. Pope Francis' Closing Speech Both Comforts and Disturbs

Many have questioned Pope Francis' decision to watch Synod combatants duking it out without intervening. The Pope explained himself well in his closing speech, delivered October 24:
Certainly, the Synod was not about settling all the issues having to do with the family, but rather attempting to see them in the light of the Gospel .... 
Surely it was not about finding exhaustive solutions for all the difficulties and uncertainties which challenge and threaten the family, but rather ... carefully studying them and confronting them fearlessly, without burying our heads in the sand....
It was about showing the vitality of the Catholic Church, which is not afraid to stir dulled consciences or to soil her hands with lively and frank discussions about the family.....
The different opinions which were freely expressed – and at times, unfortunately, not in entirely well-meaning ways – certainly led to a rich and lively dialogue; they offered a vivid image of a Church which does not simply “rubberstamp."


One good thing to result from the Synod is that everyone's cards are now on the table. Second-hand stories of priests who have knowingly admitted the divorced and civilly remarried to Holy Communion have circulated for years, despite this action being specifically prohibited by the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Now, the open secret is not-so secret any more.

Pope Francis' closing speech also included some encouraging words about appreciating "the importance of the institution of the family and of marriage between a man and a woman, based on unity and indissolubility, and valuing it as the fundamental basis of society and human life." But the speech included some disturbing language as well.

Pope Francis sharply criticized those who turned the Gospel into "dead stones to be hurled at others" and those with "closed hearts which frequently hide even behind the Church’s teachings or good intentions, in order to ... judge, sometimes with superiority and superficiality, difficult cases and wounded families." I'm not sure who he's talking about, but I don't think it's the Germans.

Pope Francis also indicated that he favors some type of different treatment on a country-by-country basis, bringing up echoes of doctrinal decentralization:
apart from dogmatic questions clearly defined by the Church’s Magisterium – we have also seen that what seems normal for a bishop on one continent, is considered strange and almost scandalous for a bishop from another; what is considered a violation of a right in one society is an evident and inviolable rule in another; what for some is freedom of conscience is for others simply confusion. Cultures are in fact quite diverse, and each general principle needs to be inculturated, if it is to be respected and applied.

The two most hotly debated issues at the Synod -- civil remarriage and homosexuality -- both seem to be "clearly defined by the Church's Magisterium." Which begs the question of what else could Pope Francis possibly be talking about, or how narrow is his conception of  "clearly defined."

My vote: I'm still nervous.


4. Synod's Final Report: Yay?


The Synod fathers voted on the drafting committee's final report during the evening of October 24. The good news is that all paragraphs passed by the required two-thirds majority and none of them flatly contradicted Church doctrine. The bad news is, like most writing produced by committees, it's hard to understand what they mean. As the New York Times reported, "the document ... was so carefully worded that it was immediately open to competing interpretations and allowed both the conservative and liberal flanks in the church to claim victory."

Paragraph 76 on homosexuality strongly rejected same-sex marriage while emphasizing the dignity and respect due to all persons and the need to accompany and support people with gay family members. Paragraph 84 on the divorced and civilly remarried called for greater inclusion and integration. Paragraphs 85 and 86 focused on discernment, conscience, and priestly assistance in forming "a correct judgment on what hinders the possibility of a fuller participation in the life of the Church" by the divorced and civilly remarried. The possibility of Holy Communion was not specifically mentioned.

Of course, the issue has never really been what the final report says. The issue is what will Pope Francis do next. After the 2014 Synod, where many bishops expressed a desire for annulment reform, the Pope created a special commission that led to his amending canon law on his own initiative this past September. The pope has created a new Vatican office merging the existing pontifical councils for laity and family and the Vatican’s bioethics think tank. In addition, the pope may answer calls by some Synod fathers to create a commission to study the question of the divorced and civilly remarried.

My vote: It ain't over yet. Stay tuned.



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Canva graphic created with image by Andreas Tille (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons

Monday, October 19, 2015

Best & Worst of Bishops Behaving Badly, or Week 2 of the Family Synod


As amply demonstrated by last week's synod proceedings in Rome, Pope Francis' brand of Jesuit or Ignatian spirituality is down and dirty. Cardinal Dolan of New York explained that in Ignatian spirituality, "a mess, confusion, questions are a good thing. Very often our desire for something very tidy, very predictable, something very structured, in itself sometimes can be an obstacle to the work of grace." Well, I don't know if my heart can stand it. Here's my take on last week's chaos.


1. Worldwide Smack-down: Africa vs. Germany

Along with Cardinal Kasper, the German bishops are pushing strongly for communion for the divorced and civilly remarried and acceptance of same-sex unions for gay couples. One German bishop called these issues cultural rather than doctrinal, and spoke in support of giving authority to “national bishops conferences’ to search for pastoral solutions that are in tune with their specific cultural context.” Jumping on the bandwagon, Archbishop Cupich of Chicago found the logic of allowing communion for divorced and remarried to apply to homosexual couples as well.

Meanwhile, Cardinal Sarah of Africa compared the idolatory of Western freedom to an apocalyptic beast. He identified as a major threat the family's "subjectivist disintegration in the secularized West through quick and easy divorce, abortion, homosexual unions, euthanasia et cetera," He continued: “We need to be inclusive and welcoming to all that is human; but what comes from the Enemy cannot and must not be assimilated.”

Kudos to both sides for laying their cards on the table. My vote: Thumbs up for clarity. Thumbs down for eroding my peace of mind.

2. Minority Report: Practicing Catholics Edition

Cardinal Dolan recently blogged about the "new minority" in the Church, a minority also worthy of inclusion. Surprisingly, the "new minority" sounds a lot like Catholics who strive to follow the Church and practice their faith to the best of their ability:

Can I suggest as well that there is now a new minority in the world and even in the Church?  I am thinking of those who, relying on God’s grace and mercy, strive for virtue and fidelity: Couples who — given the fact that, at least in North America, only half of our people even enter the sacrament of matrimony–  approach the Church for the sacrament;  Couples who, inspired by the Church’s teaching that marriage is forever, have persevered through trials; couples who welcome God’s gifts of many babies; a young man and woman who have chosen not to live together until marriage; a gay man or woman who wants to be chaste; a couple who has decided that the wife would sacrifice a promising professional career to stay at home and raise their children — these wonderful people today often feel themselves a minority, certainly in culture, but even, at times in the Church!

This is encouragement that practicing Catholics badly need to hear from a prince of the Church. As popular blogger and mom of 10 Simcha Fisher wrote recently, the faithful sheep are suffering, too. She commented: "We can become so caught up in the great cultural and spiritual wars of our era — wars that swirl around avant-garde sins begging for extravagant mercy — that we forget the family back home, the poor family, the ones we’re defending when we go out to fight.... The Church is full of the obedient wounded. The flock who never strayed have troubles of their own." Amen. And thank you.

The situation is even more apparent in countries less fortunate than our own, where being faithful can require extraordinary sacrifice. For the Synod fathers to promote a worldview that renders those sacrifices worthless, impotent, and foolish is a crushing blow. A Romanian doctor who was invited to speak to the Synod made an impassioned plea on behalf of those who stayed true to their beliefs in a time of trial:

My father was a Christian political leader, who was imprisoned by the communists for 17 years. My parents were engaged to marry, but their wedding took place 17 years later. My mother waited all those years for my father, although she didn’t even know if he was still alive. They have been heroically faithful to God and to their engagement. Their example shows that God’s grace can overcame terrible social circumstances and material poverty....The Church’s mission is to save souls. Evil, in this world, comes from sin. Not from income disparity or “climate change”....if the Catholic Church gives in to the spirit of this world, it is going to be very difficult for all the other Christians to resist it.

It is good for these voices to be heard. My vote: Thumbs up.


3. Tempest in a Teapot, or the Lettergate that Wasn't 

A lot of ink has been spilled about a private letter written by 13 (or 9) cardinals to the Pope in order to express their deep disquiet about the direction of the Synod. The letter supposedly highlighted three concerns: the faulty document that the bishops were given to whip into shape, the new Synodal process for 2015, and whether the 10-member drafting committee will ensure that the final document represents the views of all bishops, rather than just a select few.

While it's good to know that some cardinals are concerned, the contents of the letter are hardly new or breathtaking. Kvetching (in public and private) is par for the course during a synod. Whatever the letter said (since there's confusion about the actual text), it doesn't sound any more critical than the public small group reports. My vote: Meh.


4. Lights of Hope: Canonization of Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin

On Sunday, October 18, Pope Francis canonized the parents of St. Therese of Lisieux, popularly known as the Little Flower. These saints of the ordinary are wonderful role models for all mothers and fathers, especially those practicing Catholics that Cardinal Dolan has reached out to support. As I wrote in my Catholic Digest article:

The Martins were not great philosophers, brave martyrs, or founders of religious orders. The most important thing they did during their lives was to create a family environment that nurtured the blossoming sainthood of their smallest child, Therese. This is what all mothers and fathers are called to do  -- to raise their children to be saints. The example of the Martins gives us hope that we can follow in their footsteps.

My vote: Thumbs up.

5. Decentralization Update: Oh noooo.....

After only a brief mention during the first week of the Synod, the issue of decentralization or "local-option Catholicism" has swelled into a chorus of howling by Church-watchers. Muddying the waters even further, Pope Francis gave a speech last Saturday on his vision of a "Synodal church." The speech stressed the ability of each one of the baptized to discern the will of God. Pope Francis also emphasized that bishops have the power to discern what problems exist in their local churches. It is less clear whether the power to discern equals the power to govern, in Pope Francis' opinion. To a certain extent, the speech reads like an argument for Church governance along the lines of a Constitutional monarchy, where the monarch -- in this case, the pope -- has no real power.

Allowing local bishops or councils of regional bishops to decide doctrine for their particular countries would quite frankly be an unmitigated disaster. As George Weigel explained:


  • it defies logic and theology to suggest that "what is sacrilege in one part of the world Church ... is a font of grace in another"
  • shifting political borders in embattled countries could cause shifts in doctrine
  • the world is becoming smaller rather than bigger because of revolutions in communications and transportation; universality has never been easier to achieve, why throw it away? 

My vote: Thumbs down!


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Canva graphic created with image by Andreas Tille (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons

Monday, October 12, 2015

Best & Worst of the Synod on the Family's First Week

Last year's Synod on the Family was a nail-biter, and this year's continuation promises to be more of the same. Rewriting it as a drama, I would cast the Synod relator Cardinal Erdö as the well-intentioned but forgettable protagonist, progressive Cardinal Kasper as a villainous modern-day Martin Luther, and Pope Francis as the mysterious mastermind who keeps us guessing until the very end. The first week of the Synod was chock full of both encouraging and disturbing moments. Here's a recap.

1. The Synod's Marching Orders are to "Martyr" a Document


The task of the 2015 Synod is to rewrite the June working document, or instrumentum laboris. Opposition to this document is so strong that one writer called it the execrable instrumentum. Synod bishops have criticized the document for its flawed theology, its overly negative perspective, its incoherent language, and its illogical structure. Cardinal Antonio Tagle of Manila, Philippines, one of the Synod's organizers, said the text “must be ready to be martyred,” and definitely needs revisions. But, as any writer knows, revisions can't fix a document that is irredeemably flawed. And edits by a committee of 270 ecclesial alpha males are unlikely to produce clarity. In my opinion, there is a real danger of "garbage in, garbage out." 

My vote: Thumbs down.


2. Pope Defends Marriage as Permanent Bond Between a Man and a Woman


In his homily during the opening Mass of the Synod, Pope Francis went back to the beginning -- to the natural marriage of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. “This is God’s dream for his beloved creation: to see it fulfilled in the loving union between a man and a woman, rejoicing in their shared journey, fruitful in their mutual gift of self,” Pope Francis said.

He also preached on Jesus' famous prohibition of divorce from the Gospel of Mark:
They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to put her away.” But Jesus said to them, “For your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one.’ So they are no longer two but one. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Mk 10:4-9).
The Church's mission, according to Francis, is to defend "the unity and indissolubility of the conjugal bond as a sign of God’s grace and of the human person’s ability to love seriously." Pope Francis' words were somewhat undercut by a leaked comment by a Cardinal suggesting that the pope be "more merciful like Moses” rather than Jesus. But my money is on Francis following Jesus.

My vote: Thumbs up.


3. Cardinal Erdö Declares Communion Not Possible for Divorced and Remarried


In his role as the Synod's General Relator, Cardinal Erdö of Hungary got the first word. His opening address declared the issue of Holy Communion for the divorced and civilly remarried to be non-negotiable. The cardinal explained that divorced people whose first marriage has not been declared null by the Church are in a state of continuing adultery if they remarry. Adultery is a grave sin, and people who have committed grave sin simply cannot receive the Holy Eucharist (unless they repent in sacramental confession and resolve not to sin again). “The integration of the divorced and remarried in the life of the ecclesial community can take many forms, [but it] is different from admission to the Eucharist,” he said.

The very next day, however, Italian Archbishop Claudio Maria Celli publicly announced that “the question" of communion for the divorced and remarried "is still open.” Certainly, the Synod bishops are still discussing it. Australian Archbishop Mark Coleridge estimates that the Synod bishops are 65% against and 35% for admitting the divorced and remarried to Holy Communion. Synod General Relator Cardinal Erdö clearly cannot control the end result. But he gets points for raising the issue and stating his position as clearly, bluntly, and forcefully as possible.

My vote: Thumbs up.


4. The Church is In Danger of Decentralization


One idea for resolving contentious debates among churchmen is to move authority to the local bishops' conferences and let them decide as they will. Surprisingly, Archbishop Coleridge estimates that the Synod bishops are evenly split on the wisdom of that proposal. At first blush, this proposal flies in the face of the catholicity (meaning universality) of the Church. As Catholics have said for centuries, "Roma locuta, causa finita,"or "Rome has spoken; the matter is finished." The saying derives from statements made by St. Augustine in the fifth century, supporting the primacy of the pope over the local bishops.

The primacy of the pope to resolve disputes can be traced to the role of Peter described in the New Testament Book of the Acts of the Apostles. When people in the early Church argued over whether Gentiles could be baptized into the Christian faith, Peter reported that he had a vision from God, showing him through the Holy Spirit that the circumcised and uncircumcised should both be received without distinction (Acts 10 & 11). When the factions heard Peter speak, "they were silenced" (Acts 11:18). Peter did not leave the dispute unsettled.

Allowing local bishops' councils to decide the issue of communion for the divorced and remarried would give the Vatican's tacit approval to the German bishops' June 2014 resolution to admit the divorced and civilly remarried to Holy Communion. This resolution was passed in advance of last year's Synod despite the clear prohibitions earlier stated in the authoritative encyclicals of St. John Paul II. Decentralization would thus be a huge win for the faction led by Cardinal Kasper and an unprecedented power shift.

My vote: Thumbs down.

Stay tuned for the drama of the second week!


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Canva graphic created with image by Andreas Tille (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons

Monday, October 5, 2015

St. Francis and the Synod on the Family


The date that Pope Francis chose to begin the second phase of the Synod on the Family could hardly have been a coincidence. When the Synod opened yesterday on October 4, the Church celebrated the Feast of St. Francis of Assisi. And even more dramatically, the readings for the day celebrated marriage -- the marriage of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and Jesus' plea that his people give up their hardness of hearts and treat marriage as indissoluble, the way it was meant to be from the beginning.

The readings from the day give us hope. And three major themes from St. Francis' life give us hints as to how the Pope bearing his name intends to conduct the Synod.

1. Rebuilding the Domestic Church

In a vision, St. Francis heard Christ telling him, "Go, rebuild my Church." Francis didn't understand at first what Christ meant. He wondered if his mission would be to repair a crumbling building. In time, St. Francis realized that the scope of his mission extended far more broadly. He was meant to reunite the people of the Church. In one of his most famous quotes, he described his calling: "We have been called to heal wounds, to unite what has fallen apart, and to bring home those who have lost their way."

Pope Francis' task through the Synod of the Family and through his papacy in general is to rebuild the domestic church of the family.  The "domestic church" is an ancient expression, highlighting the role of "believing families ... as centers of living, radiant faith"(CCC 1656). In our families, we learn how to love, how to work, how to forgive, how to pray, and how to endure (CCC 1657). We learn how to be Christ for one another and how to see Christ in one another.

Today, the family is indisputably in crisis. Faith is in crisis as well. Young people are not getting married and they aren't going to Church. If the youth are our future, then where are we going? There is even a push by many German priests and bishops to reformulate Church doctrine on contraception, divorce, remarriage, and homosexual unions. Contentious arguments at synod meetings last October showed uncomfortable divisions between the princes of the Church. What we need badly from this year's discussions is for Pope Francis "to heal wounds, to unite what has fallen apart, and to bring home those who have lost their way."

2. Taming the Wolf

In the story of St. Francis and the wolf of Gubbio, the inhabitants of a small Italian town were being terrorized by a wolf attacking their livestock and even the humans themselves. The townspeople tried to destroy the wolf without success. But St. Francis went out to meet the wolf without fear. He invoked the name of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. He spoke to Brother Wolf, told him to stop terrorizing the town, offered him mercy, and promised reconciliation with the townspeople. The wolf laid his paw in St. Francis' hand to show that he understood and agreed.

The characteristics of the saint meld easily with the characteristics of the pope. Pope Francis has never sidestepped a controversial issue or question. He has offered mercy over and over again, to the divorced, to homosexuals, to women who have gotten abortions. He has embraced everyone from the disabled to the dissenters. We can hope that he will wrangle a reconciliation between arguing factions within the Church.

3. Seeking to Understand

The famous Prayer of St. Francis contains a line: "grant that I may not so much seek ... to be understood, as to understand." Pope Francis' words are often spun by misunderstanding media. When he says "Who am I to judge" homosexuals, some people assume the pope will change doctrine on homosexuality. When he says "the divorced are not excommunicated," they assume he will allow the divorced and civilly remarried to receive communion. When he says that Catholics don't have to "breed like rabbits," they assume he disapproves of large families. From numerous, less well-reported papal statements, it is clear that none of these assumptions is warranted. But Pope Francis has frequently been misunderstood.

Moreover, he has been criticized for not being clear enough. But a hallmark of Pope Francis seems to be his desire to hear and to listen and to understand his people and their troubles. When he speaks, he responds in mercy to what he has heard. Truth is always clearer than mercy. It's more logical and it makes more sense. There is a certain illogic to mercy, but mercy nonetheless lies at the heart of Christianity.

In Pope Francis' homily at the opening Mass of the Synod, he explained this yoking of opposites:

I remember when Saint John Paul II said: “Error and evil must always be condemned and opposed; but the man who falls or who errs must be understood and loved… we must love our time and help the man of our time” (JOHN PAUL II, Address to the Members of Italian Catholic Action, 30 December 1978). The Church must search out these persons, welcome and accompany them, for a Church with closed doors betrays herself and her mission, and, instead of being a bridge, becomes a roadblock.

Like Francis, may we also seek to understand rather than condemn, to tame rather than destroy, and to bring home those who have lost their way.

St. Francis, intercede for us, for the bishops, the Pope, the Synod, and the Church!

Monday, March 16, 2015

What I Told My Bishop About the Synod on the Family



Last week was the final deadline to submit comments to our local bishop about the agenda for the upcoming Synod on the Family, to be reconvened this October at the Vatican. The Synod's working document, or lineamenta, asked 46 questions about the pastoral care of the family, which the laypeople of our diocese were encouraged to answer.

Not being one to keep my mouth shut, I put in my 25 cents worth even when it touched on issues of priestly formation. Because, the way I see it, nothing's more essential to evangelization of the family than the knowledge and personal holiness of the priests who proclaim it. I also included lots of practical suggestions that shouldn't take much time or effort to implement.

What do you think of my suggestions? Do you know any parishes or dioceses that already incorporate these ideas in their programs? I'd love to hear from you about ongoing efforts across the country.

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Your Excellency,

As a pre-Cana instructor and author of an upcoming book on Catholic marriage to be published by Ave Maria Press, I offer the following responses to the Lineamenta.

Q. 10. What is being done to demonstrate the greatness and beauty of the gift of indissolubility so as to prompt a desire to live it and strengthen it more and more? (cf. n. 14)

Most people do not undervalue the gift of indissolubility, they instead see it as an almost impossible goal far beyond their ability to achieve. This lack of hope is heightened when people’s own parents have become divorced and remarried, sometimes more than once. The most encouraging witness for these people is often the most simple – recognition masses for couples in the community who are celebrating their 25th or 50th wedding anniversaries. Masses for those who are celebrating their 10th anniversary might offer additional consolation, especially since these couples will be closer in age to the newly married or still single.

Q. 11. How can people be helped to understand that a relationship with God can assist couples in overcoming the inherent weaknesses in marital relations? (cf. n. 14) How do people bear witness to the fact that divine blessings accompany every true marriage? How do people manifest that the grace of the Sacrament sustains married couples throughout their life together?

People need to realize that a successful marriage does not depend on finding the “right person.” Every person is imperfect and many are wounded. A successful marriage depends on accepting your own faults and the faults of your beloved without ever giving up the constant struggle to overcome these weaknesses. Forgiveness can be learned in the Sacrament of Confession, which should be available whenever requested. The Sacrament of the Eucharist is a constant reminder that the one perfect person in our union, whose love is unquenchable and unending, is God.

Q. 16. What initiatives in catechesis can be developed and fostered to make known and offer assistance to persons in living the Church’s teaching on the family, above all in surmounting any possible discrepancy between what is lived and what is professed and in leading to a process of conversion?


Catechesis must begin with the priesthood. Guidelines for ongoing priestly formation could include a requirement of catechesis on the family. Monthly confession and spiritual direction could also be offered to priests. Catechesis must be rooted in heart-felt devotion and closeness to Christ. Priests could then train, oversee, or approve the activity of lay catechists. No catechetical initiative can succeed without people adequately trained to carry it out.

There are numerous excellent catechetical programs available, but there is a tendency to remain with the familiar rather than attempt improvement. Lay people and movements have a tremendous amount to offer but there is a tendency to squelch initiatives that do not originate from within the church hierarchy. This dampens zeal and halts growth. Sometimes fostering spiritual renewal is just a matter of not standing in the way of it.

Q. 20. How can people be helped to understand that no one is beyond the mercy of God? How can this truth be expressed in the Church’s pastoral activity towards families, especially those which are wounded and fragile? (cf. n. 28)


A deeply devout Spanish-speaking priest in Manhattan would shout to the overflowing number of people attending Mass – “I have helped so many couples who haven’t married in the Church yet! Come to me! I can fix this!” This joyful offer of convalidation acknowledged the truth of the situation and placed no barriers to the immediate resolution of the problem. Parish bulletins could include weekly announcements that convalidation is available. Parish offices and web sites could develop one-page fact sheets on the basics of divorce, annulment, and convalidation, with numbers to call in order to take the next step.


Q. 28. How is marriage preparation proposed in order to highlight the vocation and mission of the family according to faith in Jesus Christ? Is it proposed as an authentic ecclesial experience? How can it be renewed and improved?

Marriage prep is often overwhelmingly secular, because of deficiencies in the program, the administrators, the instructors, or all three. Engaged couples could receive better secular preparation (e.g., on work, communication, or finances) from a secular source. Receiving a second-rate secular preparation from a religious source demeans the core competence of Mother Church as a spiritual teacher. Pre-Cana should in fact be an authentic ecclesial experience, and too often it is not. At a minimum, Mass should always be included as part of the program. Opportunity for confession should also be available.


Q. 31. The pastoral accompaniment of couples in the initial years of family life — as observed in synodal discussion — needs further development. What are the most significant initiatives already being undertaken? What elements need further development in parishes, dioceses or associations and movements?


Some simple ways to accompany couples in the initial years of their marriage include: sending anniversary cards, offering blessings to all couples in the first year of marriage at a designated Mass each month, personally inviting these couples (and their children) to carry up the gifts at Mass and listing their names in the bulletin, and offering an annual day or evening of follow-up post-Cana instruction with free babysitting. All of this would of course depend on an organized system of creating and maintaining a database of couples married or registered in the parish.
  

Yours in Christ,

Karee Santos
Parishioner of St. Joseph Church, Garden City
Founder of Can We Cana? A Community to Support Catholic Marriages 


Photograph by Andreas Tille (Own work) [GFDL or CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons