Sometimes Less is More at Christmas

"I'm not sending out Christmas cards this year," I defiantly announced to my friend Kristin. "That's okay," she replied. "Many years I've had to choose between Christmas cards and sanity. Choose sanity, and your family will thank you."

Sometimes we feel locked into holiday rituals that aren't really serving their purpose any more. Sending Christmas cards can be a chore rather than an opportunity to reconnect with seldom-seen friends and family, to remember them, pray for them, and maybe even get in closer touch. When that happens, a big BURN-OUT bulb is probably flashing over your head. Just say no until you can recover your internal equilibrium.

Holiday rituals can be more about habit and projecting the perfect family image than about the holiday itself. Advent reminds us to go deeper. We hear about St. John the Baptist in the Sunday readings. He tried to leave civilization behind, to wear animal skins and eat locusts and wild honey in the dessert, to focus on God alone. Of course, then civilization in the form of his followers ran pell-mell out into the dessert to interrupt his solitude anyway. But he wasn't afraid to shrug off the trappings of the every day.

This year, consider switching up your Christmas preparations. Saying no to old ways of doing things can mean saying yes to something else. For example, my husband jumped out of bed last Saturday and yelled, "Let's go cut our own Christmas tree!!" The kids rushed to throw on coats and scarves and pile in the car.

"Where are we going?" I asked my husband breathlessly. "We're driving east!" he said. "We'll find something!" Thanks to smartphones and GPS, we arrived at a piney paradise and began stomping through it to find the perfect tree. The big kids took turns wielding the saw, while the littles played hide and seek. Once the tree was wrestled to the top of the minivan and tied down, we drove cautiously home, hoping it wouldn't fall off the way the surfboard had over the summer. Finally, ensconced in the living room, our newly cut tree spread its fragrance throughout the house.

"You know what?" my friend Maureen mused. "If you hadn't skipped the Christmas cards this year, you probably would have stayed home slapping labels on envelopes instead of having an adventure with your family." She was absolutely right. So, this Advent and Christmas season, don't be afraid to take on less. You may be surprised at how it brings you more.

St. Gianna & St. Josemaria: Patron Saints of Work/Life Balance

Everyone needs a few more heavenly intercessors. Sure, our guardian angels watch over us, but why not enlist the aid of the saints as well? "All Christians should adopt their own patron saints," it says on the Catholicism channel of About.com. There are patron saints of churches, countries, professions, and even diseases. Over the next nine months, we'll pick some new Patron Saints For Your Marriage.

Some of these saints are famous, and others are relatively obscure. But each one is a worthy heavenly helper. Since September began with a celebration of Labor Day, let's start with two patron saints of work/life balance: St. Gianna Molla and St. Josemaria Escriva.

St. Gianna Molla: Wife, Mother, Doctor

As a 20th-century woman, St. Gianna lived through experiences that are familiar to all of us today. She was an educated, professional woman who kept a close eye on family finances and worried when her husband went away on business trips. She enjoyed concerts, skiing, and family vacations. She volunteered her time to help the poor.

She also exemplified the principle of prioritizing well: God first, family second, and work last. Despite being a busy working mom, she took the time to attend Mass and pray the rosary every day.

Gianna was thrilled to be a wife and mother, nicknaming her husband Papa d'oro, or father of gold, and calling her children "my dearest treasures." She never considered her time spent with her children as less important than her time spent in the office. She loved mothering and doctoring equally well. Her attitude toward work could be summed up in her much-quoted saying: "One earns paradise with one's daily task."

Gianna's husband, Pietro, remodeled his parents' house into a clinic for her so that she could work closer to where they lived. She kept her hours short, sometimes limiting her working day to two hours. After their third child was born, Pietro suggested that Gianna give up her medical office. She responded with a chiding look, but then promised "when we have one more child, I will stop my medical work and will be a full-time mother, even though that will be difficult for me."

She never got that chance. Gianna encountered a serious complication during her fourth pregnancy due to the growth of an ovarian cyst. The doctors recommended either to abort the baby, perform a complete hysterectomy (during which the baby would also die), or attempt to remove the cyst surgically. Gianna chose option 3, saying, "I want them to save the baby."

After the surgery, Gianna was able to carry her baby to term. Doctors delivered the baby successfully through a C-section, but Gianna developed an infection and died in the hospital shortly afterward.

Gianna's husband and the daughter she died to save were both present when Gianna was canonized by Pope John Paul II at the Vatican in 2004.

St. Josemaria Escriva: Priest, Founder, Lawyer

St. Josemaria was canonized in 2002, also by Pope St. John Paul II (there's a reason why John Paul was dubbed a "saint-maker"). Born in 1902, St. Josemaria died in 1975 after devoting his life to founding the organization Opus Dei, which means "work of God."

Josemaria was ordained a priest in 1925, just a few short months after his father died. The family was soon plunged into financial difficulties. As the oldest son, Josemaria felt responsible for his family's well-being, but his salary as a priest was minimal.

In 1927, Josemaria began studying law in Madrid so that he could earn enough to support his mother and younger siblings. In the meantime, he continued serving as a priest and laying the groundwork for the foundation of Opus Dei, which currently has around 85,000 members worldwide.

A main principle of Opus Dei is the sanctification of ordinary work. Josemaria saw clearly that all work was noble. "It is time for us Christians to shout from the rooftops that work is a gift from God and that it makes no sense to classify men differently, according to ther occupation, as if some jobs were nobler than others." (Christ is passing by, no. 47)

Like St. Gianna, St. Josemaria saw no inherent difference between work inside and outside the home. All work is a form of service to others, of love made manifest, of prayer in action, he believed. In this quirky and evocative word portrait, Josemaria revealed how it's possible to attain holiness even through housework.

You are writing to me in the kitchen, by the stove. It is early afternoon. It is cold. By your side, your younger sister — the last one to discover the divine folly of living her Christian vocation to the full — is peeling potatoes. To all appearances — you think — her work is the same as before. And yet, what a difference there is!

It is true: before she only peeled potatoes, now, she is sanctifying herself peeling potatoes. (Furrow, no. 498)

In other words, intention is everything. Saints from Josemaria to Gianna to the recently canonized Mother Teresa have all expressed the same idea in slightly different wording. As we explain in our book The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, "the value of our work can be measured by the love and care we put into it. Even the smallest, most mundane task can be a kind of offering to God."

St. Gianna and St. Josemaria, pray for us, that we may learn to love our daily work.

Image of St. Gianna: © José Luiz Bernardes Ribeiro, via Wikimedia Commons; image of St. Josemaria: ©  Pablovarela (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0], via Wikimedia Commons; other images  courtesy of Pixabay.

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!: Press Release for The Four Keys

As next week's launch date for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love grows ever nearer, publicity efforts are ramping up. Ave Maria Press drafted this press release to give folks an idea of what can be found inside our book. If you like what you see, please share widely!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

No marriage—even a sacramental one—is free from conflicts about sex, money, child-rearing, in-laws, and work/life balance. In their new book The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, marriage columnist Karee Santos and her husband, Manuel, a psychiatrist who has been counseling couples for more than fifteen years, explore how applying the wisdom of the Catholic faith to marriage can free us to experience deep, lasting, and soul-satisfying love. 

The Santoses draw on real-life stories, scriptural principles, and the timeless wisdom of St. John Paul II to help celebrate the sacrament of Marriage without downplaying the difficulties of married life. In doing so, they will inspire readers to stay in love with each other, Christ, and the wisdom of the Church. 

The Santoses tell their own story as well: how they learned not to cling to personality, culture, or religious differences; how they learned to put family first; how they overcame health crises that exacted a physical, emotional, and spiritual toll; and how they navigated stressful holiday get-togethers with extended family. They let God transform them and make their marriage stronger. 

Each chapter provides discussion questions, action prompts, quotes from the Catechism of the Catholic Church and various popes, and additional online and print resources to stimulate the couple’s conversation, mutual understanding, and positive change. Free worksheets and other supplemental resources are available on the authors’ website, canwecana.blogspot.com.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS 

Karee Santos is a Catholic blogger and speaker and a writer for the Catholic Match Institute. She has written numerous articles on marriage and family for the National Catholic Register, Catholic Digest, Faith & Family magazine, CatholicLane.com, AmazingCatechists.com, and Aleteia.org. She blogs at Can We Cana?  

Manuel Santos, M.D., is a psychiatrist at Mercy Hospital, Rockville Centre, New York. He also reviews annulment cases for the Marriage Tribunal of the Archdiocese of New York. Dr. Santos is a member of the Sexual Abuse Review Board for the Prelature of the Holy Cross and Opus Dei and also is a member of the Catholic Medical Association, CatholicTherapists.com, and the Society of Catholic Social Scientists. 

The Santoses designed and taught a pre-Cana marriage preparation course, and they write a monthly marriage advice column on CatholicMom.com called “Marriage Rx.” They contribute to FAITH magazine’s “Marriage Matters” advice column. The couple lives in Garden City, New York, with their six children.

The Four Keys to Everlasting Love

How Your Catholic Marriage Can

Bring You Joy for a Lifetime

By Karee Santos

and Manuel P. Santos, M.D.

ISBN: 978-1-59471-603-4

256 pages • $15.95

Catholicism/

Marriage and Relationships

Also available as an eBook

Click here to purchase on Amazon

Click here to purchase on B&N

Living God's Will Mega Giveaway: Jan. 12-18 Only!!

My husband and I have teamed up with Catholic personalities like parenting expert Dr. Ray Guarendi and chastity speaker Jason Evert in a mega giveaway for this week only. I will definitely be claiming my free copy of resources like Dr. Ray's book When Faith Causes Family Friction. Religious differences are a problem in so many marriages, and people are aching to find good advice on the topic!

But the giveaway doesn't just offer marriage and family resources. The giveaway's organizer, Christina Weber of Catholic Women's Guide, has collected invaluable resources in the areas of spirituality, life vision, health, wealth and abundance, business and relationships. Each expert was hand selected by Christina. According to her, "the common denominator of all those invited is that there is something special in how they are attempting to live their lives in alignment with God’s will. Their lives reflect a sincere attempt to build Christ’s kingdom in both ordinary and extraordinary ways and I hope that their witness will be an inspiration and encouragement to you."

Christina asked us to share “the good stuff” in this giveaway – “meaty” training content, strategies, tips, templates and tools that you can put into place immediately to begin seeing results. She asked us to condense and share our secrets to creating God’s richness in our lives as a result of understanding, obeying, and living God’s will in our areas of emphasis. And we couldn't be more excited to share...

Already know you want in? 
Starting Jan. 12 at 11 a.m. EST, get access to your free gifts here:
www.livinggodswill.com

Trying to make all the puzzle pieces fit together in your life can be quite overwhelming. We can totally relate to the longing to please God, but not always being 100% confident we are on track in every area. Frustrated with seeming to excel in doing God’s will in one area, but recognizing you’re falling down in another...Worried you might not be covering all of the bases in the unique life mission God has for you...Tired of spending more time in discouragement, confusion, and being TOO busy (Satan’s acronym for B-ound, U-under, S-atan’s, Y-oke), than in living in the present moment with those you love and all God has created, basking in gratitude over the God’s great abundance in your life.

We are all in the same boat -- but with help and support of mentors willing to share their genius there’s no need to recreate the wheel on how to flourish. The more good people out there who are empowered to share their unique gifts and talents with the world, in service to others to build Christ’s kingdom...the better off the entire world will be! So accept these great resources. They're helpful and free!

Here’s a sneak peek of just a few of the gifts being offered in the Living God's Will 2016 Resources Extravaganza:

• LIFE VISION – Learn a Powerful, Right & Left Brain Tool for Tapping into God’s Word for Better Clarity in Achieving Your Unique Mission for 2016
• SPIRITUALITY – Gain Insights to Help You Know and Respond to Your Specific Heavenly Call
• HEALTH – Learn Better Ways to Get Out Of Your Own Way and Let the Powerful Body God Gave You Activate Its Own Healing Process
• WEALTH / ABUNDANCE – Integrate These Simple Tips to Keep the Domestic Demands of Daily Life from Crushing Your Spirit
• BUSINESS – Cut through Satan’s Confusion with This Simple One Page Strategic Plan Template Designed to Help You Serve More Clients, Have a Greater Impact, and Live Out God’s Will in Your Business
• RELATIONSHIPS – Incorporate These Inspirations on How to Tap into God’s Everlasting Love to Make Your Marriage Better Today

The giveaway starts Tuesday, January 12, at 11 a.m., and it will last until Monday, January 18. To claim your gifts, just visit www.livinggodswill.com. Get the help and support you need to effectively live a Christ-centered life!

12 Gifts that Keep Christ in Christmas

I love giving religious-themed gifts at Christmas. It's a great way to evangelize and keep Christ in Christmas. And if some people on your gift list are your godchildren, then giving a religious-themed gift helps you fulfill your promise to educate them in the faith. Here are our top picks from the past several years.


1. Vatican Videos: The Vatican has come up with a list of great movies in the categories of religion, values, and art. We're giving a bunch of them as Christmas presents this year. Many of the films are on the older side (great for classic movie lovers), and some are more recent like Schindler's List, Gandhi, and The Mission (a personal favorite!).

2. Mass Bag for Little Kids: If someone on your list has toddlers and is new at the parenting game, they may not know about the Mass bag trick to keep their kids quiet in church. One Christmas, we bought all our kids these awesome Quiet Time Church Kit bags, easy to carry and filled with wooden rosaries, a prayer bear stuffed animal, holy cards, and a tiny kids missal to follow the liturgy. The kids loved carrying around the bright red bags and we did get some quiet moments out of them!

3. Donation to Charity: For the person who has everything, you can donate to a Catholic charitable organization in their name. My dad suggested that we buy a sheep for an African family (yes, that's a thing). But we have a local group, run by a friend of mine, which sends money to children in Kenya to help them get a private Catholic school education. Since my dad is a professor, we figured he'd like it if we helped poor children get an education instead.

4. Icons: One year, we bought icons for every kid in the family, since they were all named after saints. The artwork is beautiful, and kids are amazed to see their name on a gilded plaque with a picture of a supernatural super-hero. Icons can provide a cultural education as well -- one of our nephews belongs to the Coptic Orthodox church even though he's named after a popular Spanish saint, St. Francis Xavier. When we gave him his icon, he realized that the East and West both have a tradition of iconography.

5. Rosary Rings and Bracelets: Little girls (and big girls!) love jewelry, so rosary rings and bracelets are a great gift idea. You can include a tiny pamphlet on how to pray the rosary.

6. American Girl Doll - Catholic Edition: As each of our daughters got old enough,we bought them one American Girl doll from the historical collection. We bought our daughter Maria the Native American doll named Kaya, and Maria promptly renamed her Kateri after St. Kateri Tekakwitha, the first Native American saint. There are also many other dolls on the market meant to resemble certain saints in the first place (no renaming required).

7. The Princess and the Squire books: Author Jennie Bishop wrote a beautifully illustrated book called The Three Gifts of Christmas about a spoiled princess who took Christmas gifts for granted until she learned that it's better to give than receive. The same author wrote excellent modern fairy tales for both boys and girls about guarding our love and remaining pure. The books are also available in Spanish, and some come with an audio CD. Although they impart Catholic values, they do it in a very non-obvious way, so they're a good choice for non-Catholics on your Christmas list.

8. Gifts from the Holy Land: One Christmas (probably the same Christmas we gave rosary jewelry) we gave all the boys on our list  gifts from the Holy Land. You can find carvings from olive wood, or vials of dirt and water from different places in Israel -- believe me, boys love dirt. Buying these gifts supports Christians in an often-violent area of the world, where they are frequently persecuted and struggling to survive.

9. The Weight of a Mass: The Director of Religious Education at our parish always recommends this book to First Communion parents. Similar to the Princess and the Squire books, it's a fairy-tale-like story, this time about the value of the Holy Eucharist. Spoiler alert: at the end, all the baked goods in the kingdom couldn't balance the baker's scales when a tiny scrap of paper with a Mass intention was placed on the other side. You can give the book together with a Mass card from your parish or a religious order.

10. Saints Biographies and Movies: Ignatius Press has a huge selection of saints biographies and movies. Besides plenty for adults, there is also a terrific series of saints biographies for children and cartoon movie versions of classics like Ben Hur and the life of historical figures like St. Bernadette and Christopher Columbus.

11. Gift Subscription: My husband Manny has an adult goddaughter named Helen, who converted when she was older. When Helen moved out-of-state, still as a newly-minted Catholic, we wanted to find a way to keep her grounded in her faith. So we bought her a subscription to the weekly newspaper, the National Catholic Register. You can also buy gift subscriptions to publications like the Magnificat, which has prayers and readings for every day of the month, or MagnifiKids, which is what it sounds like -- the Magnificat for kids.

12. JPII Paraphernalia: Thanks to Kendra at CatholicAllYear, I just found out about the JPII shop at Printable Prayers. It has quotes from St. John Paul II as framed artwork and on t-shirts, keychains, mouse pads, and even drinking glasses. I haven't gotten anyone something from this shop yet. And no one's gotten me anything from this shop yet, either. Ahem. Anyone?

How to Have Happy Holidays with the In-laws

When I asked fellow Facebookers to share their stories of holidays with the in-laws, I never expected to find such great advice and so many hilarious misadventures. My favorite one involves a sheep slaughtering in an apartment kitchen (my husband Manny can't figure out why that one tickles my funny bone so much). Here's a collection of best tips for having happy holidays with the in-laws and extended families. And take heart! You're not the only one struggling.

1. Don't Seek Perfection

Holidays are about the love that's in your heart, not the food that's on the table. Frequently, at holiday time, I'm so stressed out about preparing the meal and cleaning the house that I'm downright surly to the guests that show up at the door. How completely backwards! Accept that something will go wrong -- the turkey won't be hot by the time everyone sits down to eat, guests will spill gravy and red wine on the tablecloth, and you will be publicly reminded about the last dust bunny that escaped your notice by hiding in the corner. None of this is important. What's important is opening your homes and your hearts to your families.

2. Keep a Chocolate Stash in Case You Have to Cry

One newlywed wife returned to her house after running holiday errands to find out that her visiting mother-in-law had reorganized the entire kitchen because "it was all wrong." Just what you need before cooking a big holiday dinner for, like, the first time. The poor wife ran upstairs, locked the door, and ate a chocolate bar. Surprisingly, it worked pretty well at cheering her up.

3. Delegate Chores Ahead of Time

A lot of people assume that the guests will automatically help the host and hostess clear the table and wash the dishes after a big family gathering. But that's not everyone's custom. One man told us that he and his three brothers celebrate holidays with their parents but leave their wives at home, because the sisters-in-law refuse to speak to one another. Once, eight years ago, the whole extended family celebrated Thanksgiving together, and one sister-in-law didn't help clean up afterwards. The resentment has continued until this day. Talk about a long-term grudge! If you're the hostess, send an email before the event asking people to help out afterwards or even delegating specific chores. Tell them you just can't do it without them! If you're a guest, help out as much as you can -- or at least make the offer.

4. Prepare Ye a PowerPoint Presentation

Satire site The Onion spoofed: "In an effort to ensure a smooth and enjoyable dinner with their relatives, siblings Jason, Alyssa, and Leslie Conroy reportedly sat down together Tuesday evening for a PowerPoint presentation covering all of the conversation topics that will be off-limits during the family’s Thanksgiving gathering." Nobody wants to get into a heated argument over the turkey and sweet potato pudding. Unfortunately, heated arguments can be more likely in large family gatherings because (1) everybody knows everybody's business, (2) everybody makes it their own business, and (3) everybody is more sensitive to feeling unloved or criticized. So, you can either prepare a PowerPoint presentation of all the painful family secrets that must not be discussed, OR you can ask everybody what they're most grateful for and then focus on rejoicing with them instead!

5. Don't Be Afraid to Skip the Alcohol

The more alcohol, the more chance for heated arguments, of course. One Facebooker wrote, "Problem: Holiday drunkenness. Solution: ???" You can be hospitable without having a fully stocked liquor cabinet! A few bottles of wine at dinner is not likely to get anyone snookered. You can even go gourmet and serve mulled wine, which is cut with several cups of apple cider and is still delicious. If the celebration is usually at someone else's house, you might want to discuss the problem with the hosts ahead of time or even volunteer to hold the gathering at your house this year.

6. Think to Yourself, "At Least It's Not a Sheep Slaughter"

One Facebooker revealed: "My mother-in-law once slaughtered and butchered a sheep. In my kitchen. When we lived in a sixth floor flat of an apartment in the middle of the city. ...Wow, Mom. All I got you was new kitchen towels." Another lady spoke for all of us when she responded, "YOU WIN." It's tough to beat that story in the annals of legendary in-law exploits. No matter what happens to you this Thanksgiving, it's probably not going to be worse than that.


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Summer is Coming!: Awesome Recipe for Cold Tomato Soup & Grilled Brie Sandwiches

If you ever get tired of the predictable Campbell's tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich combo, why not kick it up a notch? Add a little gourmet to your kitchen by making cold tomato soup (Spanish-style!) and grilled Brie sandwiches on a tasty baguette. With a little time and effort, you can turn tried-and-true into new and exciting.

My husband's family is from Spain, so the cold tomato soup known as gazpacho is a summer staple in my mother-in-law's kitchen. Salmorejo is a lesser known version, which ups the kid-friendly factor by eliminating vegetables like green pepper and onion from the recipe. One of the key ingredients in salmorejo is a good Spanish extra-virgin olive oil. Spaniards and Italians are probably willing to come to blows over which country produces the best olive oil, but for the Spaniards in my family it's no contest. Our relatives actually own olive groves in Spain and produce olive oil under the brand Monte Olivos. The brand is just starting to be imported into the States. Lucky me, I have an entire case of samples in my pantry! My favorite is the unfiltered, a delicate green-colored olive oil that actually tastes like the olives it came from. It adds a terrific flavor to this salmorejo recipe, and you can use it to spray the grill for the Brie sandwiches also. Regardless of which brand you use, choosing top quality olive oil makes a big difference in the taste.

The salmorejo requires about 30 minutes active preparation, and the sandwiches take about 15. Older kids can help with the preparation and running the blender for the soup (because doesn't a blender just sound like a big toy?). The recipes yield four servings. Feel free to double for big families and hungry mouths!

Salmorejo (Cold Tomato Soup from Córdoba, Spain)

Ingredients:

2 eggs
2 oz. Serrano ham or prosciutto (don't use for meatless recipes)
1 (8 oz.) baguette, stale
1 large clove garlic
2 lbs ripe tomatoes
8 oz. extra virgin olive oil (Monte Olivos is our favorite!)
2 oz. red wine vinegar
salt to taste

Preparation:

Hard boil the eggs and place into the refrigerator to cool. Cut off hard crust from baguette, then cut into slices approximately 1/2-inch thick. Soak the bread in about 1/4-inch of water for 20 minutes. Mince the garlic. Peel the tomatoes (like you would an apple) and remove seeds (it's easy to do just with your thumbs). Remove excess water from bread when it's finished soaking. Place garlic, tomatoes, vinegar, and bread in the blender. Process.

Slowly pour in oil while processing. Continue to process until smooth. If mixture is too thick, pout in a bit of cold water. Refrigerate until ready to serve. When ready to serve, dice the hard-boiled eggs and garnish the soup with them. If you want to add a little kick, garnish with diced ham as well, but leave it out for meatless recipes.

Grilled Brie Sandwiches

Ingredients:

Brie cheese
1 loaf of Italian bread
Extra-virgin olive oil

Slice the Italian bread and the Brie cheese into thin slices. Heat the grill and spray it lightly with the olive oil. There is no need to add butter to the outside of the bread, as you would in regular grilled cheese sandwiches. The Italian bread is very airy and the Brie already has a high fat content, so adding butter results in overkill and unpleasant gooeyness (is that even a word?). Grill the sandwiches for 2 to 3 minutes per side over medium to medium-high heat until the cheese melts and you get some light grill marks. Guaranteed to make you drool.


Some alternative ways to mix up the menu are to serve cold cucumber soup (also great in summer) and to add honey-mustard or apricot jam to the grilled Brie sandwiches. The extra kick to the sandwiches balances out the blander soup.

If you try out the recipe or discover any new variations yourself, please let me know!

Does God Want You to Have It All?

Can women have careers without neglecting their children? Can women have children without neglecting their intellectual gifts? In short, can women have it all?

My mother taught me that the answer was no. She quoted former U.K. Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher fondly and often: "A woman can have a great career and a great marriage. She can have a great marriage and great kids. She can even have a great career and great kids. But she can't have all three." That kind of thinking leads a woman to wonder, as soon as she sees the first plus on the pregnancy test, is this the first day of a life filled with irreconcilable choices?

I know intelligent, educated women who became stay-at-home moms and never looked back. They love cradling a newborn in their arms, they feel fulfilled by baking, gardening, decorating, arts-and-crafts, and homeschooling. I wish badly to be like them.

But newborns exhaust me beyond measure. I should know -- I've had six. And domestic tasks drain me and bring me no pleasure. Finding innumerable surprises like ball-point-pen drawings on my fine china has made me wonder why I bother. More than 10 years of practice, and I'm still no Martha -- or Martha Stewart -- and probably never will be.

My spiritual director has chided me often about my devaluing the work of the home. She urges me to focus more of my energies on the dishes, the laundry, and household organization. She warns me against distractions like writing and blogging. "Which will you choose?" she asks me seriously. "Your career or your home?" But like St. Therese of Lisieux as a little child, I want to choose all. St. Gianna Molla was a practicing physician and mother of four kids. The Blessed Quattrocchis, the only married couple to be beatified together, both worked in education while raising a family.

I know that marriage is my vocation, my primary calling. And yet God also gave me certain gifts. I graduated high school at age 14, college at age 18, and law school at age 21. On the cusp of partnership at a large New York City law firm, I gave up the practice of law to stay home and raise my children. "A law firm can always find another lawyer," my husband said, "but no one else can be the mother of your children."

That principle guided my choices for most of our marriage. About three years after I quit working as a lawyer, my former boss called to offer me a job. Four days a week, no in-court time, no business travel. But biology and vocation called the shots. I was pregnant then with our third child, due to be born in six months. My husband and I hadn't yet mastered NFP, so I spaced our children two years apart by on-demand breastfeeding, day and night. I couldn't take a job for six months, go on maternity leave for three months, and come back to work only to get pregnant again right away. It wouldn't be fair to my boss or good for my professional reputation. So I said no.

I met the woman who took the position my boss had offered. "It's a dream job," she enthused. I felt my heart crack a little, because I knew she was right. Part-time jobs in the legal industry, jobs that promise 9-to-5 and really mean it, are as rare as the Yeti.

The same choice faced me again recently, this time in a seemingly simple question, "Are you still available?" The question came from a lawyer in the area, whom I had met through a combination of fate, networking, and the possible intervention of the Holy Spirit. In December 2011, I received a fundraising letter from a fellow alumnus of the University of Virginia Law School. The letterhead bore the address of a local Long Island firm that specialized, like me, in intellectual property law. For six months, his letter sat on a corner of my desk. I didn't have time to go back to work. With six kids age 10 and under, I barely had time to shower. After eyeing that letter for six months, I decided to either call him or throw the letter out.

I picked up the phone. We agreed to meet over coffee. At the meeting's end, he told me that if he needed me, he'd call. Time passed, my youngest child started nursery school five days a week, and my husband and I learned NFP. A year and a half later, in mid-November 2013, the email arrived. "Are you still available?" The job was part-time, from home. The kind of job that doesn't really exist in the legal field. And let's just say that it pays better than blogging. I had found the Yeti, and it was in my backyard. Even though Christmas was hurtling around the corner and I was knee-deep in preparations to host my first online marriage enrichment retreat, I said yes.

How will I balance law, mothering, and marriage ministry? The short answer is trust in God's masterful planning skills and near-obsessive use of my smartphone's calendaring app. From a big picture perspective, I prefer not to see it as a conflict of interest, but rather a gift. My sister-in-law taught me that. When she was offered a moonlighting job to work on Good Friday, she snapped it up. The family fretted about it -- wasn't the job offer a temptation to take her focus away from God during one of the most sacred days of the year? With her characteristic sunny cheerfulness, my sister-in-law laughed at our worries. She needed the money, she said, and she saw the job offer as a gift from a loving God.

So sometimes we have to say yes to our gifts and our calling, and see where God takes us. Anything else would be ungrateful.

If you'd like to attend Karee's online marriage retreat about uniting more closely with your family and about work-life balance, you can register now for one-hour sessions on Feb. 3, 4, 10, or 11. Do you have particular questions about work/life balance? Ask them in the comments below!

 Photo Credit: Wondermonkey2k via Compfight cc. The CatholicLane version of this article was listed in Tito Edwards' The Best in Catholic Blogging on the National Catholic Register website.

Switching it Up: Changing Kids' Wardrobes from Fall to Winter

While kids are merrily jumping in piles of fall leaves, moms of many are getting buried in piles of last season's clothing. Denim shorts and fluttery sundresses get ever so gently yanked out of clutching hands to be stored away for younger siblings. Executives of Rubbermaid and other containerizing companies must grin ear-to-ear at this change of season. Because, really, is it possible to have too many plastic storage tubs? Not in my house.

So last season.

In the picture above, you can see three of my daughters sitting in a sea of last season's clothes. (That's actually more like a week's worth of laundry, but you didn't think I would dump it all out, did you?) How do you turn that into this:

Pretty in pink.

and this?

One wall of our attic storage facility.

The answer to your clothing nightmares is plastic tubs, giant Ziploc bags, labelers, clipboards and lots of elbow grease. First, organize the clothes by size and gender. Boys' size 8, for example, or girls' size 4T. Then, pack the clothes away in giant Ziploc bags -- one for summer, one for winter, and one for the transitional seasons. Mark the bags with a Sharpie, and toss them in the properly labeled tub. Use clear shoeboxes with sizes labeled on the side to collect gently worn shoes.

If you don't have time to switch all the kids' wardrobes at once (and who does?), it's important to write down what you have done already on a legal pad or list attached to a clipboard. That way, two months later, if someone claims not to have any long-sleeved shirts, you can easily see if that kid's wardrobe never made it out of the attic. Otherwise, you could waste a lot of money in unnecessary emergency shopping.

It sounds like a lot of work, and it is. But good household management takes time and effort. There's no way to avoid it. Ultimately, keeping your house in order is like keeping your soul in order. The work is never done. If you neglect it, it will just keep building up until it starts causing real problems. So, as you get your kids' wardrobes in order, why not get your interior self in order as well? Examine your conscience to see where you've been lax, where you can improve, and go tell your sins to a priest in confession. Air your dirty laundry, so to speak. I promise you'll heave a sigh of relief knowing you're prepared to face what the next season has in store.