Showing posts with label catechesis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label catechesis. Show all posts

Friday, December 2, 2016

4 Good and Not-So-Good Reasons for Doing the Right Thing



No matter what our religion, most of us want to do the right thing. We could argue all day long what the right thing is. Sometimes it's objectively clear -- don't murder, don't rape, don't steal. Sometimes it's a judgment call. But underneath it all is a reason or motivation that drives us. Do we want to do the right thing for the right reason? Not always. Here are four good and not-so-good reasons for doing the right thing.


1. To Feel Superior


This is obviously not such a good reason, and it drives Pope Francis around the bend. The Pope has warned: "like the scribes and Pharisees, there is also the temptation for Christians to fall into pride and arrogance and believe themselves better than others." The Pharisees' faith was external -- they said the right things and maybe even did the right things, but their hearts weren't in it. They paid homage to their own self-control or willpower or knowledge of Judaic law, instead of acknowledging all these qualities as gifts from God. The Pharisees lacked compassion for people who acted or talked or thought differently from them.

This type of self-congratulatory religiosity is superficial, says Pope Francis. It is ultimately empty. In a homily at Casa Santa Marta, the pope used the analogy of air-filled pastry to illustrate the faith of a Pharisee, and the hypocrisy of those who puff themselves up:
“I remember that for Carnival, when we were children,” Francis recalled, “our grandmother made biscuits and it was a very thin, thin, thin pastry that she made. Afterwards, she placed it in the oil and that pastry swelled and swelled and when we began to eat it, it was empty. And our grandmother told us that in the dialect they were called lies – ‘these are like lies: they seem big but there’s nothing inside them, there’s nothing true there, there’s nothing of substance.’”
“And Jesus tells us,” the Pope continued, “‘Beware of bad leaven, that of the Pharisees.’ And what is that? It’s hypocrisy. Be on your guard against the Pharisees’ leaven which is hypocrisy.”
One of the best descriptions of empty faith can be found in chapter 18 of the Gospel of Luke, where Jesus tells the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector. Two men went to the temple to pray, explained Jesus. When the Pharisee prayed, he praised himself for fasting and tithing and for not committing extortion or adultery -- doing the right things. But the tax collector directed his prayer to God, admitting his failings and seeking mercy. The Pharisee's self-centered faith won him no points with God.


2. To Feel Good About Yourself


"We feel good when we do good," explained The New York Times. Motives for altruistic behavior aren't always pure. They get tangled up with self-interest. The Times noted:

We know that even when we appear to act unselfishly, other reasons for our behavior often rear their heads: the prospect of a future favor, the boost to reputation, or simply the good feeling that comes from appearing to act unselfishly.
We like it when people thank us or praise us. If we think of ourselves as generous or helpful, acting altruistically confirms this positive self-image. "I'm a good person because I did the right thing," we can say to ourselves.

This is a better reason to do good than boosting our own sense of superiority. But it still bears the taint of "all about me."


3. Out of Duty 


Concepts like duty and obedience get a bad rap these days. In individualistic America, built on the backs of intrepid pioneers, we love a rebel. Someone who obeys or acts dutifully seems like a tool, a cog in the wheel. We wonder if they lack initiative, creativity, drive, or intelligence. 

The pioneer spirit was once balanced by devotion to higher ideals. As recently as 1961, President Kennedy famously appealed to our sense of duty in his inaugural address: "Ask not what your country can do for you -- ask what you can do for your country." But then the country experienced a sea change due to the Vietnam War, resulting anti-war sentiment, anti-authoritarianism, hippie culture and the sexual revolution. Acting out of duty became as outmoded as short hair.

In truth, duty is a very good reason to do the right thing. A sense of duty helps us say no to self-centered laziness. It keeps us focused on others and on the world around us. It motivates us to become better people, while without it we could easily become worse. As St. Paul wrote in the Letter to the Romans, "For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do" (7:19). A sense of duty keeps us fighting to do the good we truly want and to avoid the evil we truly don't want.

4. Out of Love


The best reason by far to do the right thing is out of love. Duty only takes us so far. It can be undermined by internal conflict, bitterness, and resentment. It can turn us hard and unhappy. It can keep our hearts from God.

Every day, we have a myriad of chances to do the right thing for the right reason. Do we genuflect in church to make a display of ourselves, to follow a rule, or to show Jesus that we worship him as our King of Kings? Do we wash the dishes, clean the house, answer the phone or kiss our spouse because we have to or because we're grateful for all our blessings? At every decision point, we can ask ourselves if we're doing the right thing. But just as importantly, we can also ask ourselves why.


Monday, July 11, 2016

All 12 Small Group Worksheets for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love


Hurray! We've come to an end of the 12-part series of chapter-by-chapter worksheets to accompany our Catholic marriage prep/enrichment book The Four Keys to Everlasting Love. And just in time for summer. :)

Here are links to all twelve worksheets in one post, for your convenience! This is also my good-bye for the summer. The blog is going on vacation, because my family needs me. Looking forward to connecting back up with you in the fall.

Chapter 1

Turning Two into One:
How to Overcome the Differences that Divide You


TO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.


Chapter 2

Turning Good Marriages into Pathways to Glory:
It’s a Sacrament; It’s a Vocation; It’s a Road Map to Heaven!




Chapter 3

Turning Union into Communion:

Extending Your Love to Your In-Laws and Beyond



Chapter 4

Turning Meaningless Drudgery into Meaningful Work:
How to Prioritize God, Family, and Work



Chapter 5

Turning Ownership into Stewardship:
Six Tips for Trouble-Free, God-Centered Finances 



Chapter 6

Turning Inaction into Action:
Families at the Service of Other Families 



Chapter 7

Turning Spouses into Life-Giving Lovers:
The Creative Power of Sex




Chapter 8

Turning the Fear of Fertility into a Total Gift of Self:
Finding a Better Alternative to Artificial Birth Control & IVF



Chapter 9

Turning Challenges into Channels of Grace:
Big Families, Special-Needs Kids, Adopting, Fostering & Stepparenting




Chapter 10

Turning Children into Adults:
Forming Your Children's Bodies, Minds, and Souls in Christ



Chapter 11

Turning Our Homes into Places of Prayer:
The Eternal Consequences of Everyday Family Life



Chapter 12

Turning into a Happier, Holier Family:

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph Can Show You How




*****************************

Have a great summer, and may God bless your marriages with everlasting joy!


Thursday, July 7, 2016

Turning into a Happier, Holier Family, or WWHFD? (4 Keys Downloadable Worksheet)

This is the twelfth and final installment in a series of downloadable worksheets to use at home, in small groups, or during break-out sessions with our Catholic marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting LoveTO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.


Chapter 12


Turning into a Happier, Holier Family:

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph Can Show You How


The Holy Family is the best role model that any family could possibly ask for. Our Blessed Mother Mary is a shining example of grace under pressure, faith in the face of uncertainty, and perseverance through the hardest of life's challenges. St. Joseph is a pre-eminent father figure, protective, strong, and willing to share all with no expectation of return. As individuals we can ask ourselves, "What would Jesus do," or WWJD? As members of a family we can ask ourselves, "What would the Holy Family do," or WWHFD?

Manny and Karee describe the Holy Family in Chapter 12 of The Four Keys: "God was the center of their lives -- not sex, money, or even work. The Holy Family shows us that marriage is more than just the union of two people. Marriage is the union of two people with God through each other."

Chapter 12 sums up each of the four essential characteristics of faithful, free, fruitful, and total married love and shows how Mary and Joseph modeled those characteristics throughout their lives. The example of the Holy Family reveals how:

  • to remain faithful in times of joy and sorrow
  • to use our freedom wisely to work and serve for others' sake
  • to cherish our spouses' precious bodies, and
  • to love totally through self-giving parenting and constant prayer

As Manny and Karee say, "God has handed you the keys to everlasting love: how to love faithfully, freely, fruitfully, and totally, both now and forever. Unlock the door and step through."

Conversation Starters


You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going between yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.


1.  Do you see any similarities between your life and the Holy Family's? What are they?





2.  How easy is it to make God the center of your family life? What would make it easier?





3. What pulls you away from God the most?





4.  What unites you most as a couple? As a family? How can you become more united?





Want more tips and news about our Catholic marriage advice book? Sign up here for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love newsletter and get your downloadable thank-you gift.

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Turning Our Homes into Places of Prayer: Easy Family Prayer Habits (4 Keys Downloadable Worksheet)

This is number eleven in a series of downloadable worksheets to use at home, in small groups, or during break-out sessions with our Catholic marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting LoveTO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.


Chapter 11


Turning Our Homes into Places of Prayer:
The Eternal Consequences of Everyday Family Life


In the day-to-day grind of life, it can be easy to forget that what we do now has consequences for eternity. This is especially true in family life, where we live out our vocation to sacramental marriage and, God willing, as parents to the next generation. Our families are "domestic churches," where we share God's divine love with each other and strengthen each other's faith. A rich family prayer life can bring great peace to our homes. 

As Manny and Karee say in Chapter 11 of The Four Keys, "When family members spend time together nurturing their friendship with God, they form a nearly unbreakable bond. In becoming closer to God, they become closer to each other. Evenings become filled with prayer instead of electronic entertainment, and Sundays become filled with praising God instead of hopping in separate minivans to drive different kids in different directions to various extracurricular activities."

In addition to explaining how spouses can deepen their prayer lives as individuals and as a couple, Chapter Eleven also shares easy prayer habits for families, including:

  • morning prayer (even in the car on the way to work or school!)
  • bedtime prayers (more than just rote recitation)
  • reading Bible stories (for adults, it's called lectio divina)
  • grace before meals (a wonderful way to incorporate multiple faith traditions)


Conversation Starters


You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going between yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.


1.  Do you have a favorite prayer? What is it, and what makes it your favorite?





2.  Do you feel comfortable speaking to God in front of each other? Why or why not?





3. What prayers would you most like your children to learn?





4.  Does your parish church appeal to you? Do other parishes in your area appeal to you more?





Want more tips and news about our Catholic marriage advice book? Sign up here for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love newsletter and get your downloadable thank-you gift.

Monday, June 27, 2016

Turning Children into Adults: Catholic Parenting Strategies (4 Keys Downloadable Worksheet)

This is number ten in a series of downloadable worksheets to use at home, in small groups, or during break-out sessions with our Catholic marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting LoveTO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.


Chapter 10


Turning Children into Adults:
Forming Your Children's Bodies, Minds, and Souls in Christ


There is no greater responsibility than parenting well. Our children are God's gifts to us, and they will shape the world of the future. We are called to nurture our children's bodies, minds, and souls, forming them in Christ. "If we are like pencils in the hands of God, as Mother Teresa said, then each of our children is a sketch destined to become a masterpiece," say Manny and Karee say in Chapter Ten of The Four Keys.

Parenting requires courage, commitment, thorough preparation, and often sacrifice. In the early years, we help our children learn to eat, walk, talk, and even go to the bathroom, In the school years, we help our children discover their unique talents and discern the path that God wants them to follow in adulthood. And for their whole lives, they can still turn to us for advice on choosing between right and wrong. In the process, our children often inspire us to improve ourselves for their sake and become better than we are.

In addition to discussing children's physical, intellectual, and moral formation, Chapter Ten also gives tips on:

  • developing a unified parenting style even if it's not what every other parent on the playground picks
  • avoiding the trap of emphasizing intellectual development at the expense of moral development
  • educating your children in the virtues of anti-materialism and modesty
  • protecting your children from the possibility of abuse


Conversation Starters


You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going between yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.


1.  Thinking back to how your parents raised you, what would you like to imitate? What would you like to do differently?





2.  How do you plan to educate your children (public school, Catholic school, or homeschool)?






3. Who are your favorite parent models -- people whose approach to parenting you most admire and would most like to imitate?





4.  What are the biggest goals or dreams you have for your children?








Want more tips and news about our Catholic marriage advice book? Sign up here for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love newsletter and get your downloadable thank-you gift.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Turning Challenges into Channels of Grace: Special Needs, Adoption & More (4 Keys Downloadable Worksheet)

This is number nine in a series of downloadable worksheets to use at home, in small groups, or during break-out sessions with our Catholic marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting LoveTO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.


Chapter 9


Turning Challenges into Channels of Grace:
Big Families, Special-Needs Kids, Adopting, Fostering & Stepparenting


One of God's favorite ways to expand our capacity to love is through our families. No matter how big our hearts are at the start, they can always grow bigger. Many special family circumstances challenge parents to do more than they think they ever possibly could. Challenges like big families, special-needs children, adopting, fostering, and stepparenting can all be transformed into channels of God's all-powerful grace.

As Manny and Karee say in Chapter Nine of The Four Keys, they feel surrounded by everyday heroes called to be extraordinary parents. "Whereas we have six kids, many of our friends have more -- into the double digits. Several of our friends have children with a range of special needs, including autism, Down syndrome, and muscular dystrophy. We have watched other friends struggle with the cross of infertility and then turn that cross into a blessing by adopting or fostering children in need .... Still other people we know have turned stepparenting into an act of selfless love," they say.

Chapter Nine talks about all these special family circumstances, explaining how:

  • large families are a sign of God's blessing and the parents' generosity
  • every human life, even if weak and suffering, is a splendid gift
  • adopting or fostering a child is an expression of spiritual fruitfulness
  • stepparenting shows great openness of heart


Conversation Starters


You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going between yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.


1.  What particular challenges do you think large families or blended families face? What families do you know who have managed such challenges successfully?





2.  Do you have friends whose children have special needs? What strikes you about the role the child plays in the family?






3. Do you have friends who have chosen to adopt or foster a child? What have you learned from them about what it means to be a family?





4.  Have you considered adopting or fostering children? What about special-needs children? Do you feel called to have a large family, or a larger one than you have now?









Want more tips and news about our Catholic marriage advice book? Sign up here for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love newsletter and get your downloadable thank-you gift.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Turning the Fear of Fertility into a Total Gift of Self: Contraception, NFP & IVF (4 Keys Downloadable Worksheet)

This is number eight in a series of downloadable worksheets to use at home, in small groups, or during break-out sessions with our Catholic marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting LoveTO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.



Chapter 8


Turning the Fear of Fertility into a Total Gift of Self:
Finding a Better Alternative to Artificial Birth Control & IVF


According to Pope Francis, when we rob sexual acts of their natural fruitfulness by using contraception, we disfigure married love (Amoris Laetitia, 80). But 75% of sexually active Catholics use artificial birth control, according to one 2006-2010 study. So what's causing the major disconnect between what the Church teaches and what vast numbers of Catholics actually do? One big cause is fear.

Women especially are taught to fear their fertility during their teen years when adults (with the best of intentions) warn of the dangers of premarital sex. In addition, many couples worry about the impact of children on finances or career plans. "Women can be put into a state of constantly fighting their fertility, chemically suppressing it when it's at its height and then trying to jump-start it as it diminishes," say Manny and Karee in Chapter Eight of The Four Keys.

Natural Family Planning (or NFP) assists women in breaking that vicious cycle. NFP encourages the mindset that fertility is a great blessing. It helps couples to avoid or achieve pregnancy in an effective, safe, ethical, and relatively inexpensive way. And it helps them develop the gift of sexual self-control. In Chapter Eight, Manny and Karee offer scads of helpful information on contraception, NFP, and IVF, including:
  • the medical dangers of artificial birth control
  • the financial, emotional, and ethical downsides to IVF
  • the advantages of using NFP to achieve or avoid pregnancy
  • selecting the right method of NFP to fit your lifestyle


Conversation Starters


You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going between yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.

1.  Do you and your spouse agree on the morality of contraception? If you don't, how do you cope with this disagreement?





2.  What have you heard (good and bad) about NFP?






3. Do you or anyone you know use NFP? What were the most powerful reasons influencing the choice to use NFP?





4.  Which NFP method do you think might work best for you and why?






Want more tips and news about our Catholic marriage advice book? Sign up here for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love newsletter and get your downloadable thank-you gift.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Turning Spouses into Life-Giving Lovers: The Creative Power of Sex (4 Keys Downloadable Worksheet)

This is number seven in a series of downloadable worksheets to use at home, in small groups, or during break-out sessions with our Catholic marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting LoveTO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.



Chapter 7


Turning Spouses into Life-Giving Lovers:
The Creative Power of Sex


One of the most misunderstood areas of Catholic teaching is sexuality. Many people are shocked to learn that the Catechism calls married sexuality “a source of joy and pleasure” and “a sign and pledge of spiritual communion” (CCC 2360-62). Catholicism regards sexuality as a precious gift from God, enriching marriages on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level.

But unlike the culture around us, Catholicism also regards fertility, which is inextricably linked with sexuality, as a precious gift from God. As Manny and Karee say in Chapter Seven of The Four Keys, “Through the conception of a child, a husband and wife are bound together closer than ever before. They become one flesh, even on a biological level. The DNA of the father and the mother combine in a new human being. And the Holy Spirit is there, too, contributing the new person’s soul. It is difficult to imagine a closer unity among husband, wife, and God.” Just like sexuality, fertility is not limited to the physical realm. It has emotional and spiritual aspects as well.

In Chapter Seven, Manny and Karee address some of the common problems couples have with experiencing sexuality and fertility as the great blessings they are meant to be. They give tips on:

Communicating about sex in a natural and intimate way
Building healthy body image
Overcoming the past
Healing from infidelity and porn addiction

Conversation Starters


You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going between yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.

1. What preconceived notions of sex did you learn from your parents or your peers? Do they differ from the Catholic view of sexuality and, if so, how?





2. How easy is it for you and your spouse to talk about sex? How might you communicate even better?






3. Do you feel there is a “best” time in marriage to start having children? Why?





4. Do you and your spouse agree on how many children to have? If not, what keeps you from reaching an agreement?




Want more tips and news about our Catholic marriage advice book? Sign up here for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love newsletter and get your downloadable thank-you gift.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Turning Inaction into Action: Family Community Service (4 Keys Downloadable Worksheet)

This is number six in a series of downloadable worksheets to use at home, in small groups, or during break-out sessions with our Catholic marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting LoveTO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.


Chapter 6


Turning Inaction into Action:
Families at the Service of Other Families 


Jesus wants us to feel a special love for the poorest and most vulnerable among us. That’s one reason why programs for the Sacrament of Confirmation stress community service so heavily. But community service doesn’t have to be relegated to the teenage years. Families can reach out to meet their neighbors’ physical and spiritual needs in ways that amount to priceless gifts.

Inviting a lonely neighbor and her small children over for a playdate or offering to pick up an extra gallon of milk at the store can mean so much more than we realize. Our community and our parish are both filled with opportunities to show God’s love to a hurting world by donating either our resources or our time. And of course who can forget Pope Francis’ constant urging to “go to the outskirts” and seek out people who need our help. As Manny and Karee say in Chapter Six of The Four Keys, “We all have a deep-seated need, placed within us by God, to leave the world better off than when we found it. Through acts of charity, we accomplish that goal one person at a time.”

In Chapter Six, Manny and Karee talk about every family’s call to serve others by words, deeds, and love in order to become what Pope St. John Paul II called families at the service of other families. They also show you how:

  • Your children can bring joy to others 
  • Your faith and hope can be a gift for others
  • Hospitality begins within the walls of your home
  • Your parish needs you more than you know
  • Face to face interaction amplifies our acts of charity by dignifying those we serve


Conversation Starters


You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going among yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.


1. How often do you practice the virtue of hospitality by inviting people into your home?





2. What cause motivates you the most and how would you like to get involved?






3. Is there a cause that motivates you both equally? If not, how might you divide your free time and resources to support more than one cause?





4. What are some service projects you might take up as a family to meet the physical and spiritual needs of your neighbors?






Want more tips and news about our Catholic marriage advice book? Sign up here for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love newsletter and get your downloadable thank-you gift.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Turning Ownership into Stewardship: Marital Finances (4 Keys Downloadable Worksheet)

This is number five in a series of downloadable worksheets to use at home, in small groups, or during break-out sessions with our Catholic marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting LoveTO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.



Chapter 5


Turning Ownership into Stewardship:
Six Tips for Trouble-Free, God-Centered Finances 


Marital finances are a hot-button issue for many couples. But frequently couples are fighting over who’s in control and who gets to make the decisions as much as they’re fighting over the money itself. It helps for them to commit fully to the idea that what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine. It helps even more for them to realize that everything that is theirs has been given to them by a God who loves them.

We are not so much owners as we are stewards, caretakers of God’s blessings. As Manny and Karee say in Chapter Five of The Four Keys, “An attitude of stewardship can set us free. Good stewardship recognizes that everything we have comes from God, even the talents and opportunities that enable us to earn a living. God gives us these things so we can use them for his glory, not just accomplish our own personal goals.”

In Chapter Five, Manny and Karee use Scriptural quotes and stories to detail six tips for trouble-free, God-centered marital finances:

  • Talk to each other
  • Establish joint financial priorities
  • Plan wisely
  • Save for your family’s future
  • Tithe (or donate a fixed percentage of your income)
  • Pay your taxes (yes, really!)


Conversation Starters


You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going among yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.


1. Do you and your spouse have different spending and saving patterns? How different are they?





2. Are you comfortable discussing finances with each other, or does it sometimes cause conflict? Which financial issues have the most potential for conflict?






3. How important do you think donating to charity is? Which charities do you (or would you like to) support?






4. How often do you pray about any financial worries you might have?






Want more tips and news about our Catholic marriage advice book? Sign up here for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love newsletter and get your downloadable thank-you gift.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Turning Meaningless Drudgery into Meaningful Work (4 Keys Downloadable Worksheet)

This is number four in a series of downloadable worksheets to use at home, in small groups, or during break-out sessions with our Catholic marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting LoveTO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.




Chapter 4


Turning Meaningless Drudgery into Meaningful Work:
How to Prioritize God, Family, and Work


Whether you work at home or in an office, nobody wants to feel like a gerbil on a wheel. Work is meant to be more than that, and deep inside we all know it. Even in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve worked. Our Blessed Mother Mary worked in the kitchen, and her husband Joseph and son Jesus worked at the carpenter’s bench. Work has always been a way that we humans find fulfillment and purpose in life, a way that we can make a visible difference in the world around us.

A lot of effort can be poured into finding a “dream” job or career, and that’s certainly a worthy goal. But sometimes we’re called to bloom where we’re planted and to recognize that all work has value in the eyes of God.  As Manny and Karee say in Chapter Four of The Four Keys, “The value of our work can be measured by the love and care we put into it. Even the smallest, most mundane task can be a kind of offering to God. Just look up from your work and think silently, ‘My Lord, this is for you.’” Realizing the supernatural worth of our work will help us to prioritize correctly: first, God; then, family; and last, work.

In Chapter Four, Manny and Karee show how hard work can enhance our reputation and self-esteem and how God’s will always has a place in our career decisions. They describe a uniquely Catholic work ethic and explore the special challenges women face in crafting a work-life balance. In addition, Chapter Four will help you to:


  • See work as a blessing, not a burden
  • Make family-friendly career choices
  • Fairly distribute chores at home
  • Work for a higher purpose with God as your ultimate “boss”


Conversation Starters


You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going among yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.



1. What priority does work have in your life?





2. What led you to choose your particular work or career?






3. Do you struggle to balance home life and work life? What strategies have or haven’t helped you find that balance?





4. How did your parents balance home life and work life? Will that model work for you?





Want more tips and news about our Catholic marriage advice book? Sign up here for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love newsletter and get your downloadable thank-you gift.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Turning Union into Communion: Loving Your In-Laws (4 Keys Downloadable Worksheet)

This is number three in a series of downloadable worksheets to use at home, in small groups, or during break-out sessions with our Catholic marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting LoveTO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.




Chapter 3


Turning Union into Communion:

Extending Your Love to Your In-Laws and Beyond


Marriage is more than the union of just two people. It’s also a union of two families. A married couple needs to craft a delicate balance between two Biblical priorities. First, they are called to leave their father and mother and cleave to their spouse, as it says in the Book of Genesis. Second, they still have the duty to honor and respect their parents, according to the Ten Commandments.

Many couples struggle with learning to love their in-laws. It helps to remember that in most cases what the in-laws really want is for your marriage to be successful, long-lasting, and happy. By loving our in-laws and extended family members, we follow Jesus’ command to love our neighbors as ourselves. The more differences there are between the two families of origin, the more difficult it can be. As Manny and Karee say in Chapter Three of The Four Keys, “The two of us have extended families that include Sevillanos, Madrilenos, Colombians, French-Moroccans, Poles, Argentineans, Egyptians, and Virginians. Our family members’ religious affiliations range the gamut from Catholicism to Episcopalianism, Judaism, Coptic Orthodox, and former Muslim.”  When we join our families in a new community of life and love, we fulfill Jesus’ desire that all the peoples of the earth may be one.

In Chapter Three, Manny and Karee show how marriages have a powerful ability to draw relatives closer together and how respectful communication techniques that work for the two of you also work with in-laws. They recount fascinating and amusing stories about relationships with in-laws from the Bible’s Old Testament. Chapter Three also teaches you how to:


  • Draw appropriate boundaries between yourselves and your in-laws 
  • Respectfully listen to your in-laws ‘advice, even if you don’t ultimately follow it
  • Negotiate trouble spots like wedding planning, gift exchanges, and hosting the holidays 



Conversation Starters


You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going among yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.



1. How would you describe your process for deciding how much involvement your in-laws have in your married life?





2. Can you remember a time when the two of you reached an impasse on this issue? How did you resolve it?






3. How do you handle holidays? Do you see room for improvement?





4. What do you believe is your responsibility toward both sets of your parents as they become elderly?





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Thursday, May 12, 2016

Turning Good Marriages into Glory: Opening Yourself to Grace (4 Keys Downloadable Worksheet)

This is number two in a series of downloadable worksheets to use at home, in small groups, or during break-out sessions with our Catholic marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting LoveTO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.


Chapter 2

Turning Good Marriages into Pathways to Glory:
It’s a Sacrament; It’s a Vocation; It’s a Road Map to Heaven!


Marriage can be good. With effort, it can be very good. But it takes God to make the union glorious. The graces of the Sacrament of Matrimony are a powerful aid to couples in their everyday struggles and in times of great crisis.

Nowadays, fewer Catholics are choosing to get married in the Church than at any other time in recent history. Many people don’t realize what a wonderful treasure Catholic marriage is! As Manny and Karee explain in Chapter Two of The Four Keys, “couples united in the Sacrament of Matrimony have been blessed with the grace to take natural love to a supernatural level.  … [T]hey are called and empowered to love to the highest degree, the degree that Christ loved us – to forgive seventy times seven times, to do the humblest chore out of love, and to die to self in order to live and love for others.”

In Chapter Two, Manny and Karee describe marriage’s role as one of the seven sacraments, the difference between a valid and invalid marriage, and the importance of the vocation of marriage. They also reveal how the saints, our cheering section in the next life, are willing and eager to help husbands and wives get each other to heaven. From this chapter, you will learn how to:

  • Seek help from the sacraments
  • Seek help from the saints
  • Discern God’s voice
  • Be faithful in little things and let God turn them into glory


Conversation Starters


You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going among yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.



1. Why did you choose each other? How did you know you had found the “one”?



2. Why did you decide in favor of (or against) getting married in the Catholic Church?



3. How have you seen the graces of the sacrament at work in your lives and in your relationship?




4. Who do you think has an exceptionally good marriage and why? Do you have a favorite married saint who would be a good role model?





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Monday, May 9, 2016

Turning Two into One: Overcoming Personality Differences (4 Keys Downloadable Worksheet)

In our Catholic marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, my husband and I promised a series of downloadable worksheets to use at home, in small groups, or during break-out sessions. This is number one in the series. TO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.


Chapter 1

Turning Two into One: How to Overcome the Differences that Divide You


Whether you’re newly engaged or long married, congratulations on embarking on the experience of a lifetime! Marriage is quite an adventure, and somehow never exactly what we expect. Our God, after all, is a God of surprises, as Pope Francis is fond of saying.

The first bump in the road that many couples encounter is overcoming personality differences. Opposites really do attract, and that adds to the excitement but can also create conflict. Manny and Karee were very different, as they explain in Chapter One of The Four Keys. When they met, Manny was a “first-generation Spanish American, longtime New Yorker, Catholic, Republican, extrovert, and optimist.” In contrast, Karee was “a Virginian born and bred Episcopalian, Southern Democrat, and introvert with a slight tendency toward gloom.” They overcame their differences through respectful debate and reliance on God who loved them both equally.

In Chapter One, Manny and Karee describe their courtship, the early years of their marriage, and their dramatic struggle through Manny’s four brain surgeries to remove recurring tumors. Along the way, they will show you how to:

  •       Appreciate your personality differences
  •       Find common cultural and religious ground
  •       View disagreements as opportunities for growth
  •       Stand by each other in troubled times
  •       Overcome fear through faith


Conversation Starters


You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going among yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.


1.       What personality, cultural, or religious differences do the two of you have? How have you handled them so far?




2.       How often do you discuss important and difficult topics? How often do you apologize if what you say hurts or angers the other person?




3.       Think of the biggest crisis that has hit your relationship. What character strengths or weaknesses were revealed in each of you?




4.       Which friends and family members can you rely on to support your marriage?




Want more tips and news about our Catholic marriage advice book? Sign up here for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love newsletter and get your downloadable thank-you gift.

Monday, April 25, 2016

Married Love is Total Self-Giving, Says Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia

This fourth and last in a series of posts on Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia looks at how love is a total gift of self. Earlier posts focused on the Pope's praise of the faithful, free, and fruitful aspects of married love.

Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia (Joy of Love) should be required reading in pre-Cana classes, say commentators, because the Pope explains Catholic teaching on marriage so wisely and elegantly to the current generation. Throughout the papal exhortation, you can find the themes of the four marks or "keys" of married love: faithfulness, freedom, fruitfulness, and a total gift of self. The idea of a total gift of self was a cornerstone of Pope St. John Paul II's Theology of the Body. 

In embracing and beautifully restating this idea of John Paul II's, Pope Francis turns to the Old Testament's Song of Songs:
as the woman of the Song of Solomon will sing in a magnificent profession of love and mutual self-bestowal: “My beloved is mine and I am his… I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” (2:16; 6:3).(12)

Because married love is total, it alone can "symbolize the union of the human heart with God" (142). Married love is pleasurable, passionate, and "all-encompassing," he says. It "is also exclusive, faithful and open to new life. It shares everything in constant mutual respect" (125).

Married love transcends the present moment and encompasses "a totality that includes the future," says Pope Francis (214). It is a living contradiction of today's "culture of the ephemeral," which "fails to promote love or self-giving" (39). Ultimately, marriage reveals divine love, "a love manifested in the total self-gift of Jesus Christ, who even now lives in our midst and enables us to face together the storms of life at every stage" (290).

The Pope wisely reminds us that a total gift of self is not the same as a total loss of self:
The ideal of marriage cannot be seen purely as generous donation and self-sacrifice, where each spouse renounces all personal needs and seeks only the other’s good without concern for personal satisfaction. We need to remember that authentic love also needs to be able to receive the other, to accept one’s own vulnerability and needs.... (157)
A call to marriage is not a call to martyrdom! It's a call for each spouse to become the person God wants them to be with the help of the other. According to Pope Francis:
As love matures, it also learns to “negotiate”. Far from anything selfish or calculating, such negotiation is an exercise of mutual love, an interplay of give and take, for the good of the family. At each new stage of married life, there is a need to sit down and renegotiate agreements, so that there will be no winners and losers, but rather two winners. (220)

The total, self-giving love of spouses is meant to be shared with their children. Parents who continue to love "when children prove troublesome and ungrateful" are "a sign of the free and selfless love of Jesus" (162). But selfless love can show itself every day, not only in times of crisis, Pope Francis says.
We can be fully present to others only by giving fully of ourselves and forgetting all else. Our loved ones merit our complete attention. Jesus is our model in this, for whenever people approached to speak with him, he would meet their gaze, directly and lovingly (cf. Mk 10:21). No one felt overlooked in his presence, since his words and gestures conveyed the question: “What do you want me to do for you?” (Mk 10:51). This is what we experience in the daily life of the family. We are constantly reminded that each of those who live with us merits complete attention, since he or she possesses infinite dignity as an object of the Father’s immense love (323).

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Fruitful Love Symbolizes God's Inner Life, says Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia

This is the third in a series of posts showing how Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia explores the themes of faithful, free, fruitful and total love (or The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, as we call them in our recently released book). The first two posts examined how sacramental married love is faithful and forgiving and respects personal freedom, according to Pope Francis. This post focuses on the theme of fruitfulness in Amoris Laetitia.


The night before Pope Francis officially released Amoris Laetitia (The Joy of Love), I was chatting about it with Fr. Dave Dwyer on the Busted Halo radio show. Revealing that he had been able to get his hands on an advance copy, Fr. Dave told me, "You're going to love it. He says a lot about fruitfulness."

And Fr. Dave was right. Amoris Laetitia includes an entire chapter entitled "Love Made Fruitful," which praises both sexuality and fertility as gifts from God. The Washington Post trumpeted: "It is, perhaps, a strange lesson from a pope: Even the erotic can be divine." Never mind that popes, most notably St. John Paul II, have taught this lesson since the late 1970s. And although one blogger "derisively dubbed" Pope Francis' exhortation "The Joy of Sex," it could just as easily bear the name "The Joy of Fruitfulness."

Stressing the generous cooperation of parents in God's plan for creation, Pope Francis states:
The couple that loves and begets life is a true, living icon – not an idol like those of stone or gold prohibited by the Decalogue – capable of revealing God the Creator and Saviour. For this reason, fruitful love becomes a symbol of God’s inner life (cf. Gen 1:28; 9:7; 17:2-5, 16; 28:3; 35:11; 48:3-4). .... Seen this way, the couple’s fruitful relationship becomes an image for understanding and describing the mystery of God himself, for in the Christian vision of the Trinity, God is contemplated as Father, Son and Spirit of love (11).
Pope Francis sees a strong connection between the themes of faithfulness and fruitfulness. The "joys and sacrifices" of faithfulness "bear fruit as the years go by and the couple rejoices to see their children’s children," says the pope (231). For that reason, the Church is "grateful" for "the witness of marriages that have not only proved lasting, but also fruitful and loving" (38).

Perhaps in penance for his earlier off-the-cuff comment that Catholics don't have to breed like rabbits, Pope Francis emphasizes that "large families are a joy for the Church" because "they are an expression of the fruitfulness of love" (167). He also reaffirms Catholic teaching against the practice of abortion and contraception.

But Pope Francis also goes beyond the concept of physical fertility by talking about "an expanding fruitfulness" (178-184). He encourages both adoption and foster care, saying that they "express[] a particular kind of fruitfulness in the marriage experience, and not only in cases of infertility. ....They make people aware that children, whether natural, adoptive or taken in foster care, are persons in their own right who need to be accepted, loved and cared for, and not just brought into this world" (180).

The pope pointedly remarks: "We also do well to remember that procreation and adoption are not the only ways of experiencing the fruitfulness of love" (181). He gives examples of what our book calls "emotional" or "spiritual" fertility:
Each of us is a “fisher of men” (Lk 5:10) who in Jesus’ name “casts the nets” (cf. Lk 5:5) to others, or a farmer who tills the fresh soil of those whom he or she loves, seeking to bring out the best in them. Marital fruitfulness involves helping others, for “to love anybody is to expect from him something which can neither be defined nor foreseen; it is at the same time in some way to make it possible for him to fulfill this expectation” (322).
Pope Francis cautions that "no family" -- even one with many children -- "can be fruitful if it sees itself as overly different or 'set apart'" (182). All families are "called to make their mark on society, finding other expressions of fruitfulness that in some way prolong the love that sustains them" (181). By arousing a desire for God, reflecting the beauty of the Gospel, and serving the poor, a family's "fruitfulness expands and in countless ways makes God’s love present in society," he says (184).