A Vocation of Change

Our Spanish relatives, seeped in Old World Catholicism, are a fount of wise sayings like the following: "God doesn't call us to a vocation of sameness. He calls us to a vocation of change." In other words, God doesn't make his will known in a set of simple instructions and then vanish off the scene. God accompanies us, inviting us to constant conversation and relationship.

"Look at the chosen people of Israel in the Old Testament," our Spanish cousin explained. "God called them from place to place." And indeed, the Old Testament tells a tale of a people on the move. The Book of Exodus describes generations of enslavement in Egypt, and 40 years of wandering in the desert, before reaching the promised land. Hundreds of years later, during the Babylonian Exile, the Jewish people were forced out of Judah and into Babylonia for practically 50 years before being able to return home.

Our cousin saw parallels between the history of God's chosen people and her own life. Like Leonie, St. Therese of Lisieux's sister, she was attracted to more than one religious order but had yet to find her place. She recognized God's will in the interior urge to keep searching and the courage to embrace change.

At this time in my life, I too can hear God calling me to change. This past year has brought both exhilarating highs and devastating lows. In April, Ave Maria Press published The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, which my husband and I wrote together. Then in August, the same publisher released The Catholic Mom's Prayer Companion, featuring daily devotional essays by me and many other writers. Along with a dizzying round of radio and in-person promotional appearances, the year also brought unwelcome reminders that my husband's health is not all it could be.

And so, this past year has shown me that God isn't finished with me yet. What he wants from me is more. To make room for more, I have to pare down and trim away. What this means, for the time being, is the end of this blog. I've enjoyed the journey and hope you have, too.

This blog started on a wing and a prayer in December 2011. I soon joined the teams of excellent bloggers at CatholicMom.com and CatholicLane.com. With the help of veteran news editor John Burger, who supervised me at the National Catholic Register way back when, I got tagged to report on events with Cardinal Dolan at the famous Waldorf Astoria Hotel and on Pope Francis' 2015 visit to both New York City and Philadelphia for online news outlet Aleteia.org.

I owe thanks to many people who assisted me along the way. Lisa Mladinich of AmazingCatechists.com introduced me to the editor of the Catholic Match blog and Catholic Digest magazine, both of which ran my articles. Rick Hinshaw, former editor-in-chief of The Long Island Catholic Magazine, recommended my husband and me as marriage advice columnists for the FAITH Magazine consortium. Mary Kaufmann produced my first webinar for Word of the Vine/Incarnate Institute. Acquisitions editor Lil Copan went prospecting on LinkedIn and asked me to submit my book proposal to Ave Maria Press. Heidi Hess Saxton ushered us through the harrowing days of writing and rewriting the book manuscript, perfecting it for publication. Editor Joan McKamey also sought me out via LinkedIn, resulting in two contracts to write entire issues of Catholic Update. Last but not least, Pam Swartzberg, Chair of the Women's Commission of the Archdiocese of Newark, deserves thanks for introducing us to Jill Cherrey, coordinator of the Archdiocesan God's Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage program, where we regularly speak.

There are scads of others, too numerous to mention, who helped with the success of this blog. I have thanked you elsewhere over the years, and if I don't thank you here, please know that your name is still in my heart!

I will still be available for paid writing and speaking assignments. Please reach out to me by email at santoskaree at gmail dot com.

12 Hints for a Happier, Holier Marriage

Every married couple's Kryptonite is different. Some couples have no financial problems, but strain to maintain a healthy work/life balance. Some couples will happily serve the poorest of the poor in a soup kitchen, but have trouble inhabiting the same room with their in-laws. That's why the Vatican has recommended no less than 12 topics to be covered in pre-Cana marriage preparation programs. Unfortunately, a lot of programs leave crucial information out.

So, to make up for what went missing, my husband and I wrote a Catholic marriage advice book covering all 12 topics, from finances and work to community service and relationships with in-laws, plus everything in between. The book is called The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: How Your Catholic Marriage Can Bring You Joy for a Lifetime. Below you'll find some of our best hints from the book, arranged by topic, plus links to free downloadable worksheets.

Personality Differences:

Marriage is quite an adventure, and somehow never exactly what we expect. Our God, after all, is a God of surprises, as Pope Francis is fond of saying. The first bump in the road that many couples encounter is overcoming personality differences. Opposites really do attract, and that adds to the excitement but can also create conflict.

Hint #1: Overcome your differences by searching for and finding common ground, and relying on God who loves you both equally. Help: Download Chapter 1 worksheet.

Sacramentality & the Saints:

Nowadays, fewer Catholics are choosing to get married in the Church than at any other time in recent history. Many people don’t realize what a wonderful treasure Catholic marriage is! The graces of the sacraments -- especially Holy Matrimony, the Eucharist, and confession -- are a powerful aid to couples in their everyday struggles and in times of great crisis. And the saints, our cheering section in the next life, are willing and eager to help husbands and wives get each other to heaven.

Hint #2: Seek help from the Church on earth and in heaven. Help: Download Chapter 2 worksheet.

In-Laws:

Marriage is more than the union of just two people. It’s also a union of two families. Many couples struggle with learning to love their in-laws. It helps to remember that in most cases what the in-laws really want is for your marriage to be successful, long-lasting, and happy. By loving our in-laws and extended family members, we follow Jesus’ command to love our neighbors as ourselves.

Hint #3: Listen respectfully to your in-laws' advice, even if you don't ultimately follow it. Help: Download Chapter 3 worksheet.

Work/Life Balance:

Whether we work at home or in an office, nobody wants to feel like a gerbil on a wheel. Work is meant to be more than that, and deep inside we all know it. A lot of effort can be poured into finding a “dream” job or career, and that’s certainly a worthy goal. But sometimes we’re called to bloom where we’re planted and to recognize that all work has value in the eyes of God.  Realizing the supernatural worth of our work will help us to prioritize well: first, God; then, family; and last, work.

Hint #4: Do all your work with love and care because God is your ultimate "boss." Help: Download Chapter 4 worksheet.

Finances:

Marital finances are a hot-button issue for many couples. But frequently couples are fighting over who’s in control and who gets to make the decisions as much as they’re fighting over the money itself. It helps for them to commit fully to the idea that what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine. It helps even more for them to realize that everything that is theirs has been given to them by our loving God. We are not so much owners as we are stewards, caretakers of God’s blessings.

Hint #5: When it comes to money, be "we-centered" rather than "me-centered." Help: Download Chapter 5 worksheet.

Family community service:

Jesus wants us to feel a special love for the poorest and most vulnerable among us. That’s one reason why programs for the Sacrament of Confirmation stress community service so heavily. But community service doesn’t have to be relegated to the teenage years. Families can reach out to meet their neighbors’ physical and spiritual needs in ways that amount to priceless gifts.

Hint #6: Help out your neighbors in small, meaningful ways by hosting a play date or buying an extra gallon of milk for them on your grocery run. Help: Download Chapter 6 worksheet.

Sexuality:

One of the most misunderstood areas of Catholic teaching is sexuality. Many people are shocked to learn that the Catechism calls married sexuality “a source of joy and pleasure” and “a sign and pledge of spiritual communion” (CCC 2360-62). Catholicism regards sexuality as a precious gift from God, enriching marriages on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level.

Hint #7: Communicate (often!) about sex in a positive and intimate way. Help: Download Chapter 7 worksheet.

Fertility:

Women especially are taught to fear their fertility during their teen years when adults (with the best of intentions) warn of the dangers of getting pregnant through premarital sex. Many married couples hold onto that fear, worrying about the impact of children on finances or career plans. NFP encourages the mindset that fertility is a great blessing. It helps couples to avoid or achieve pregnancy in an effective, safe, ethical, and relatively inexpensive way.

Hint #8: Gain a greater appreciation for your fertility through Natural Family Planning. Help: Download Chapter 8 worksheet.

Big families, special-needs kids, adoption & more:

No matter how big our hearts are at the start, they can always grow bigger. Many special family circumstances challenge parents to do more than they think they ever possibly could. Challenges like big families, special-needs children, adopting, fostering, and stepparenting can all be transformed into channels of God's all-powerful grace.

Hint #9: Ask yourselves how far you can open your hearts to new challenges. Help: Download Chapter 9 worksheet.

Parenting:

There is no greater responsibility than parenting well. Our children are God's gifts to us, and they will shape the world of the future. We are called to nurture our children's bodies, minds, and souls, forming them in Christ. "If we are like pencils in the hands of God, as Mother Teresa said, then each of our children is a sketch destined to become a masterpiece," we wrote in The Four Keys to Everlasting Love.

Hint #10: Parent with heavenly purpose. Help: Download Chapter 10 worksheet.

Prayer:

In the day-to-day grind of life, it can be easy to forget that what we do now has consequences for eternity. This is especially true in the hustle and bustle of family life. Through the eyes of faith, we can see that our families are "domestic churches," where we share God's divine love with each other and strengthen each other's faith. A rich family prayer life can bring great peace to our homes.

Hint #11: Grow closer together and closer to God through a deeper shared prayer life.  Help: Download Chapter 11 worksheet.

Imitating Jesus, Mary & Joseph:

The Holy Family is the best role model that any family could possibly ask for. Our Blessed Mother Mary is a shining example of grace under pressure, faith in the face of uncertainty, and perseverance through the hardest of life's challenges. St. Joseph is a pre-eminent father figure, protective, strong, and willing to share all with no expectation of return.

Hint #12: Don't just ask yourselves, "What would Jesus do," or WWJD? Ask "What would the Holy Family do," or WWHFD? Help: Download Chapter 12 worksheet.

What's your Kryptonite? We'd love to hear from you in the comments below. And if you'd like to continue the conversation, please join our online book club (Sept. 10-Dec. 3) by clicking here.

St. Gianna & St. Josemaria: Patron Saints of Work/Life Balance

Everyone needs a few more heavenly intercessors. Sure, our guardian angels watch over us, but why not enlist the aid of the saints as well? "All Christians should adopt their own patron saints," it says on the Catholicism channel of About.com. There are patron saints of churches, countries, professions, and even diseases. Over the next nine months, we'll pick some new Patron Saints For Your Marriage.

Some of these saints are famous, and others are relatively obscure. But each one is a worthy heavenly helper. Since September began with a celebration of Labor Day, let's start with two patron saints of work/life balance: St. Gianna Molla and St. Josemaria Escriva.

St. Gianna Molla: Wife, Mother, Doctor

As a 20th-century woman, St. Gianna lived through experiences that are familiar to all of us today. She was an educated, professional woman who kept a close eye on family finances and worried when her husband went away on business trips. She enjoyed concerts, skiing, and family vacations. She volunteered her time to help the poor.

She also exemplified the principle of prioritizing well: God first, family second, and work last. Despite being a busy working mom, she took the time to attend Mass and pray the rosary every day.

Gianna was thrilled to be a wife and mother, nicknaming her husband Papa d'oro, or father of gold, and calling her children "my dearest treasures." She never considered her time spent with her children as less important than her time spent in the office. She loved mothering and doctoring equally well. Her attitude toward work could be summed up in her much-quoted saying: "One earns paradise with one's daily task."

Gianna's husband, Pietro, remodeled his parents' house into a clinic for her so that she could work closer to where they lived. She kept her hours short, sometimes limiting her working day to two hours. After their third child was born, Pietro suggested that Gianna give up her medical office. She responded with a chiding look, but then promised "when we have one more child, I will stop my medical work and will be a full-time mother, even though that will be difficult for me."

She never got that chance. Gianna encountered a serious complication during her fourth pregnancy due to the growth of an ovarian cyst. The doctors recommended either to abort the baby, perform a complete hysterectomy (during which the baby would also die), or attempt to remove the cyst surgically. Gianna chose option 3, saying, "I want them to save the baby."

After the surgery, Gianna was able to carry her baby to term. Doctors delivered the baby successfully through a C-section, but Gianna developed an infection and died in the hospital shortly afterward.

Gianna's husband and the daughter she died to save were both present when Gianna was canonized by Pope John Paul II at the Vatican in 2004.

St. Josemaria Escriva: Priest, Founder, Lawyer

St. Josemaria was canonized in 2002, also by Pope St. John Paul II (there's a reason why John Paul was dubbed a "saint-maker"). Born in 1902, St. Josemaria died in 1975 after devoting his life to founding the organization Opus Dei, which means "work of God."

Josemaria was ordained a priest in 1925, just a few short months after his father died. The family was soon plunged into financial difficulties. As the oldest son, Josemaria felt responsible for his family's well-being, but his salary as a priest was minimal.

In 1927, Josemaria began studying law in Madrid so that he could earn enough to support his mother and younger siblings. In the meantime, he continued serving as a priest and laying the groundwork for the foundation of Opus Dei, which currently has around 85,000 members worldwide.

A main principle of Opus Dei is the sanctification of ordinary work. Josemaria saw clearly that all work was noble. "It is time for us Christians to shout from the rooftops that work is a gift from God and that it makes no sense to classify men differently, according to ther occupation, as if some jobs were nobler than others." (Christ is passing by, no. 47)

Like St. Gianna, St. Josemaria saw no inherent difference between work inside and outside the home. All work is a form of service to others, of love made manifest, of prayer in action, he believed. In this quirky and evocative word portrait, Josemaria revealed how it's possible to attain holiness even through housework.

You are writing to me in the kitchen, by the stove. It is early afternoon. It is cold. By your side, your younger sister — the last one to discover the divine folly of living her Christian vocation to the full — is peeling potatoes. To all appearances — you think — her work is the same as before. And yet, what a difference there is!

It is true: before she only peeled potatoes, now, she is sanctifying herself peeling potatoes. (Furrow, no. 498)

In other words, intention is everything. Saints from Josemaria to Gianna to the recently canonized Mother Teresa have all expressed the same idea in slightly different wording. As we explain in our book The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, "the value of our work can be measured by the love and care we put into it. Even the smallest, most mundane task can be a kind of offering to God."

St. Gianna and St. Josemaria, pray for us, that we may learn to love our daily work.

Image of St. Gianna: © José Luiz Bernardes Ribeiro, via Wikimedia Commons; image of St. Josemaria: ©  Pablovarela (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0], via Wikimedia Commons; other images  courtesy of Pixabay.

Turning Meaningless Drudgery into Meaningful Work (4 Keys Downloadable Worksheet)

This is number four in a series of downloadable worksheets to use at home, in small groups, or during break-out sessions with our Catholic marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting Love. TO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT, CLICK HERE.

Chapter 4

Turning Meaningless Drudgery into Meaningful Work:
How to Prioritize God, Family, and Work

Whether you work at home or in an office, nobody wants to feel like a gerbil on a wheel. Work is meant to be more than that, and deep inside we all know it. Even in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve worked. Our Blessed Mother Mary worked in the kitchen, and her husband Joseph and son Jesus worked at the carpenter’s bench. Work has always been a way that we humans find fulfillment and purpose in life, a way that we can make a visible difference in the world around us.

A lot of effort can be poured into finding a “dream” job or career, and that’s certainly a worthy goal. But sometimes we’re called to bloom where we’re planted and to recognize that all work has value in the eyes of God.  As Manny and Karee say in Chapter Four of The Four Keys, “The value of our work can be measured by the love and care we put into it. Even the smallest, most mundane task can be a kind of offering to God. Just look up from your work and think silently, ‘My Lord, this is for you.’” Realizing the supernatural worth of our work will help us to prioritize correctly: first, God; then, family; and last, work.

In Chapter Four, Manny and Karee show how hard work can enhance our reputation and self-esteem and how God’s will always has a place in our career decisions. They describe a uniquely Catholic work ethic and explore the special challenges women face in crafting a work-life balance. In addition, Chapter Four will help you to:

• See work as a blessing, not a burden
• Make family-friendly career choices
• Fairly distribute chores at home
• Work for a higher purpose with God as your ultimate “boss”

Conversation Starters

You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going among yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.



1. What priority does work have in your life?





2. What led you to choose your particular work or career?






3. Do you struggle to balance home life and work life? What strategies have or haven’t helped you find that balance?





4. How did your parents balance home life and work life? Will that model work for you?





Want more tips and news about our Catholic marriage advice book? Sign up here for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love newsletter and get your downloadable thank-you gift.

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3 Rocking Resources for Catholic Brides

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, that one of the best things about the Catholic blogging and writing world is the wonderful people you meet. Today I'm featuring fellow author Stephanie Calis, who wrote the recently released Invited: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). I'm honored to be an endorser of Stephanie's book and thrilled to give you a peek into how this young mama of two survived launch week, plus links to her book, free eBook, and new image-driven website for Catholic brides!

1. Congrats on the launch of your beautiful book Invited: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner.  How do you feel now that you can actually hold the results of all your hard work in your hands?

Thank you so much!  It's wonderful to hold my own book after three years of working on it.  Pauline Books and Media sent me a box of 20 copies tied together with lace and sprinkled with flowers!  But seeing the actual book is also a little unfamiliar, as strange as that sounds -- I've been so accustomed to sharing the cover image and talking about the content on social media over the last few months, but honestly, it's hard not to flip through and reread what exactly I wrote about certain topics while imagining what people's reactions might be to the way I've presented things.  In that sense, having Invited out there is so exciting, but also makes me feel so vulnerable!

2. What were the highpoints of launch week?

The weeks leading up to the launch felt insane.  My husband Andrew is working towards a PhD in English, and his comprehensive exams, which were 12 hours long and determined whether he'd be eligible for official doctoral candidacy, were two weeks before my book's April 1 release date.  I'd put off a few projects, like writing a supplemental eBook and creating a promotional video, until after the exams so we could prioritize Andrew's studying.  I was glad I could make that sacrifice for my husband, but he didn't really get to relax afterwards because of all the catching up I needed to do!  Even though that was crazy, it made it possible for the actual launch week to be more peaceful, because everything was done.  My favorite project was the eBook, Full of Grace (you can download a copy here), which features meditations for engaged and married couples to pray for each mystery of the Rosary.  Andrew helped, and since the Rosary has been one of our favorite ways to pray together from early on in our relationship, we loved getting to share some of our spirituality and offer marriage-related prayers specifically for couples.

I hadn't really thought to look at my book on Amazon before the release, after which I figured I'd be eager to read reviews and things, and was completely surprised when a few friends told me via Facebook that Invited reached #1 in the category of New Wedding Planners in the week before the release.  Naturally, that felt wonderful, but my prayer after seeing the ranking, and up through now, has been that I might thankful for those quantifiable measures of the book's success, but that at the same time, I can also be appropriately detached from them and focus my prayer on asking the Holy Spirit to bless the couples who will encounter what I wrote, that they might be inspired and challenged to radical love.

3. How did your husband react? And are your kids old enough to understand what's going on?

Andrew is amazing; such a man of praise, awe, and affirmation while somehow still helping me to feel little--that's a good thing!  He's consistently told me how proud he is of me and of my writing, and shows it in his willingness to take over our chores and caring for our kids during deadlines for the book.  Yet he is also so good at reminding me that God, not me, is in control.  As happy as I've been with the experience of writing Invited and working to spread the word and create an exciting release, I've also had so many instances of anxiety about whether I'm doing things right, whether I'm doing it too much for myself, and whether anyone will even care.  Every time I've gotten upset, he lovingly tells me all will be well and tells me to place everything in the Father's hands.  How I need that reminder, and how thankful I am for him.

My son Aaron is two and a half and my daughter Lily is five months, so they don't have a huge sense of what's going on, but Aaron does know that when his mama goes out to do work, it's for writing, and I showed him the book when I got the box in the mail.  He was more interested in the flowers that were in there and ran to put them all in a dump truck.  Perspective.

4. What was it like to work with a publishing house run by religious sisters? Did your editor wear a full habit?

Pauline is run by the Daughters of St. Paul, and their charism is evangelization through the media.  They do wear a full habit, and their joyful spirit was so evident through our correspondence.  My editor, Sr. Marianne Lorraine, particularly impressed me in her ability to critique my work with charity, and to hear out my responses to her suggestions as we worked through the text, also with great patience and kindness.  I worked with several laypeople whom Pauline employs, as well, on things like permissions and marketing.

Even though I'm joyfully married and knew for a long time that I was called to marriage, my friends in college and I used to ask each other what religious order we'd most like to hypothetically join (hashtag Catholic girl problems…).  I used to say I'd want to be in an order that specialized in a handicraft or food product (I'd explain it as "like Mystic Monk coffee, but with nuns"), but maybe after this experience I'd change my answer to an order like the Daughters, so I could write and edit!

5. What's next for you?

Two friends, both Catholic wedding vendors, and I are incredibly excited to launch a new ministry for Catholic brides and newlyweds, Spoken Bride, at the end of this month.  We've been talking for almost a year about the deep need to combine practical wedding advice with awe-inspiring images from beautiful real Catholic weddings.  Our goal is to create a resource that rivals secular wedding sites in beauty and creativity, while also emphasizing the unique truth and richness of our faith. In a major way,

I think planning a nuptial Mass with amazing prayer, music, and your witness as a couple, alongside a reception that's stylish, fun, and creative, lets the beauty of Catholic marriage speak for itself.  It serves as an invitation to your guests, meeting them where they are, drawing them into the sacred, and sparking a desire to share in the authentic freedom and joy experienced by the bride and groom.  We are currently accepting submissions from real weddings, membership in our vendor guide, and written contributions, and would love to feature you!  You can read more about us and our mission here.

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!: Press Release for The Four Keys

As next week's launch date for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love grows ever nearer, publicity efforts are ramping up. Ave Maria Press drafted this press release to give folks an idea of what can be found inside our book. If you like what you see, please share widely!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

No marriage—even a sacramental one—is free from conflicts about sex, money, child-rearing, in-laws, and work/life balance. In their new book The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, marriage columnist Karee Santos and her husband, Manuel, a psychiatrist who has been counseling couples for more than fifteen years, explore how applying the wisdom of the Catholic faith to marriage can free us to experience deep, lasting, and soul-satisfying love. 

The Santoses draw on real-life stories, scriptural principles, and the timeless wisdom of St. John Paul II to help celebrate the sacrament of Marriage without downplaying the difficulties of married life. In doing so, they will inspire readers to stay in love with each other, Christ, and the wisdom of the Church. 

The Santoses tell their own story as well: how they learned not to cling to personality, culture, or religious differences; how they learned to put family first; how they overcame health crises that exacted a physical, emotional, and spiritual toll; and how they navigated stressful holiday get-togethers with extended family. They let God transform them and make their marriage stronger. 

Each chapter provides discussion questions, action prompts, quotes from the Catechism of the Catholic Church and various popes, and additional online and print resources to stimulate the couple’s conversation, mutual understanding, and positive change. Free worksheets and other supplemental resources are available on the authors’ website, canwecana.blogspot.com.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS 

Karee Santos is a Catholic blogger and speaker and a writer for the Catholic Match Institute. She has written numerous articles on marriage and family for the National Catholic Register, Catholic Digest, Faith & Family magazine, CatholicLane.com, AmazingCatechists.com, and Aleteia.org. She blogs at Can We Cana?  

Manuel Santos, M.D., is a psychiatrist at Mercy Hospital, Rockville Centre, New York. He also reviews annulment cases for the Marriage Tribunal of the Archdiocese of New York. Dr. Santos is a member of the Sexual Abuse Review Board for the Prelature of the Holy Cross and Opus Dei and also is a member of the Catholic Medical Association, CatholicTherapists.com, and the Society of Catholic Social Scientists. 

The Santoses designed and taught a pre-Cana marriage preparation course, and they write a monthly marriage advice column on CatholicMom.com called “Marriage Rx.” They contribute to FAITH magazine’s “Marriage Matters” advice column. The couple lives in Garden City, New York, with their six children.

The Four Keys to Everlasting Love

How Your Catholic Marriage Can

Bring You Joy for a Lifetime

By Karee Santos

and Manuel P. Santos, M.D.

ISBN: 978-1-59471-603-4

256 pages • $15.95

Catholicism/

Marriage and Relationships

Also available as an eBook

Click here to purchase on Amazon

Click here to purchase on B&N

12 Main Topics Married Couples Need to Know

Catholic couples today desperately need a transfusion of spiritual truths combined with solid practical advice. The Vatican identified the most crucial topics that couples need to know in its document Preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage -- and our marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, covers every single one. Each of the book's twelve chapters focuses on a different essential area of concern including:

• personality differences,
• sacramentality,
• dealing with in-laws,
• work/life balance,
• finances,
• community service,
• sexuality,
• fertility,
• special family circumstances,
• parenting,
• prayer, and
• imitating the Holy Family.

As far as we know, there is no other book or program

that addresses all these essential areas.

Take a deeper look at how we did it in this 

Pre-release Table of Contents Reveal:

 

Part I    CALLED TO BE FAITHFUL AND FORGIVING

Chapter 1    Turning Two into One: How to Overcome the Differences That Divide You

Chapter 2    Turning Good Marriages into Pathways to Glory: It’s a Sacrament; It’s a Vocation; It’s a Road Map to Heaven!

Chapter 3    Turning Union into Communion: Extending Your Love to Your In-Laws and Beyond

Part II    CALLED TO BE FREE

Chapter 4    Turning Meaningless Drudgery into Meaningful Work: How to Prioritize God, Family, and Work

Chapter 5    Turning Ownership into Stewardship: Six Tips for Trouble-Free, God-Centered Finances

Chapter 6    Turning Inaction into Action: Families at the Service of Other Families

Part III    CALLED TO BE FRUITFUL

Chapter 7    Turning Spouses into Life-Giving Lovers: The Creative Power of Sex

Chapter 8    Turning the Fear of Fertility into a Total Gift of Self: Finding a Better Alternative to Artificial Birth Control and IVF

Chapter 9    Turning Challenges into Channels of Grace: Big Families, Special-Needs Kids, Adopting, Fostering, and Stepparenting

Part IV    CALLED TO LOVE TOTALLY AND FOREVER

Chapter 10    Turning Children into Adults: Forming Your Children’s Bodies, Minds, and Souls in Christ

Chapter 11    Turning Our Homes into Places of Prayer: The Eternal Consequences of Everyday Family Life

Chapter 12    Turning into a Happier, Holier Family: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph Can Show You How

 EXCITING BOOK NEWS!!

The books have reached the warehouse, and we have already held the first copies of The Four Keys to Everlasting Love in our hands! Pre-orders and review copies are being shipped out as we speak. Colleagues have told us that they feel "blown away by the gift this will be for couples." We hope you'll feel the same.

To get the book from Amazon, click here. To get the book from Barnes & Noble, click here. And to get a bulk discount on 5 or more copies from the Ave Maria Press website, click here and type in the promo code 4KEYS when ordering.

Marriage Matters Problem-Solving Round-up: Income Loss, Depression, Addiction, Overspending & Empty Nests

My husband Dr. Manny Santos and I were extremely grateful when the Editor-in-Chief of our diocesan magazine recommended us as regular columnists for the FAITH Magazine nation-wide consortium. Their Marriage Matters monthly column presents a difficult marital problem in a "he says-she says" format. Our job is to present helpful, faith-based advice in a few hundred words. Quite a challenge, but one we always enjoy tackling.

Here's a round-up of links to our columns over the past several months. And stay tuned for our April 2016 column on faith-sharing groups for couples and our May 2016 column on spouses who are struggling with using Natural Family Planning.

1. She says: "I really want to be a stay-at-home mom"

    He says: “It’s just not feasible right now”

WE RECOMMEND: Taking the hidden costs of working outside the home into account, and realizing that if she is truly called to be a SAHM they'll find it worth the financial sacrifice. (From the April 2015 issue)

2. She says: "He won’t take his depression meds"

    He says: "I don’t like the side effects"

WE RECOMMEND: Talking to his doctor about switching medications, and resolving to fight the depression together rather than fighting each other. (From the May 2015 issue)

3. He says: "I'm afraid she's becoming addicted"
    She says: "I’m in constant pain"

WE RECOMMEND: Learning the warning signs of addiction, and locating outside sources of help. (From the September 2015 issue)

4. He says: "She lost a lot of our money shopping online"
    She says: "I want to repair our relationship"

WE RECOMMEND: Committing to forgiveness of past behavior and total honesty about current and future shopping habits. (From the November 2015 issue)

5. He says: "The kids moved out, and now she's never home"
    She says: "I just want to stay active in the community"

WE RECOMMEND: Shifting the focus to the marriage and deciding on a new direction to take together in this new stage of their lives. (From the Jan./Feb. 2016 issue)

Interested in our upcoming Catholic marriage advice book? Sign up here for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love newsletter and get your downloadable thank-you gift.

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Marriage Rx for a Husband Struggling to Find Employment

Since February is the month of romance, I'll be posting a lot of our Marriage Rx columns from CatholicMom. After all, the best foundation for romance is a solid and trouble-free relationship!

Question:  As a very devout Catholic and one who struggles with his marriage every day, I’d like to see you discuss how to overcome financial struggles caused by under/unemployment. I literally live in fear that every day could be the last of my marriage and then the concomitant fear of what my friends would think of me and how that might impact all my service to the Church. – Struggling with Employment

Answer:  Unemployment or underemployment can exact a heavy toll on marriages and families. Pope Francis has said: “there is no worse material poverty, I am keen to stress, than the poverty which prevents people from earning their bread and deprives them of the dignity of work.” Husbands often feel the sting of unemployment most keenly, since many men are dedicated to their role as provider for the family.

A man’s worth doesn’t have to be tied to the wage he earns or his job title, however. As St. Josemaria said:

It is time for us Christians to shout from the rooftops that work is a gift from God and that it makes no sense to classify men differently, according to their occupation, as if some jobs were nobler than others. Work, all work, bears witness to the dignity of man, to his dominion over creation.

For the unemployed, looking for a job is a valuable type of work in itself. It requires time, effort, creativity and sometimes even retraining. The underemployed can still be proud of doing their best in a job that requires less than their entire skill set. There is always merit in doing our work well.

So realize that all the work you do is valuable. Pour your best efforts into your job search and into the work that you have.  Reassure your wife that you are doing all you can.  You can seek spiritual help by praying a novena for work to St. Josemaria.  You can also recite the St. Jude Prayer for Employment and leave your intentions on the website of the National Shrine of St. Jude.  It might help for you and your wife to recite these prayers together.

It’s natural for a wife to feel scared when her husband’s job prospects are diminished, especially if she is dependent on her husband‘s income.  If her fear is translated into berating or nagging, it can exacerbate the tense situation in the home. But perhaps all she really wants to do is help find a solution to your difficulties. Ask her for help!

If what you need is her encouragement and support, ask her. If she has education and workplace experience, she may be willing to get a job (or a higher-paying job) to help the family through temporary difficulties. She may also be able to introduce you to social or professional connections that could lead to new employment. The problem will definitely not be solved by marital breakdown, which is usually highly expensive for both parties.

Don’t worry about what your friends will think or how your service to the Church might be impacted. Focus on the problem confronting you at this moment. And may God bless you and your marriage!

Have you ever struggled with unemployment or underemployment? What strategies worked best for you? Please comment below. And if you have questions or ideas for a future column, please contact us at catholicmarriagerx@gmail.com!

"We-Time" Is Better Than "Me-Time"

Long weekends are the perfect time to follow Pope Francis' now famous (and often-repeated) advice to "waste time with your children." Introverts like me definitely need to be reminded that fun time doesn't have to be alone time. Working for the family is important, but so is relaxing with the family.

Having a family can feel like you need to give of yourself twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. This is true whether you spend most of your waking hours at your career or at home with the kids. And yet, this feeling is not limited to family life. It is part of the life of service to which every Christian is called.

Imagine the daily life of a priest in a typical suburban parish. Every minute of their days seems filled with celebrating Sacraments, saying Masses, and endless phone calls and meetings. Priests typically have more “spiritual children” than any layperson could ever have. Religious brothers and sisters are not exempt, either. The Benedictine philosophy of work, for example, is 8 hours of work, 8 hours of prayer, and 8 hours of rest. (Think prayer is not demanding work? You try praying for 8 hours.) In short, the life of a Christian always requires giving until it hurts.

This does not mean that leisure time or relaxation is bad (unless it's totally self-centered!). Leisure time spent in strengthening our relationship with family and friends can renew our spirits and bring joy to our life. Leisure time spent developing our talents can bring us closer to the person God wants us to be. It can also help us to enjoy God’s creation. For example, Pope John Paul II frequently spent time in the great outdoors, hiking and skiing in the natural beauty that God created.

Leisure time is actually a wonderful gift from God. On the seventh day of creation of the world, God rested and showed us that rest was good (Gen 2:2-3). Rest is necessary to restore our physical and mental health. You could almost call it a duty. Jesus himself once commanded the apostles, “Come away … and rest a while” (Mk 6:31).

Rest is not the same as “me-time,” which today’s culture relentlessly attempts to convince us we need. Can you imagine telling Mother Teresa that she just needed a little “me-time” at the mall, with a coffee-shop latte or a fast-food burger? True leisure is also not slumping on the couch watching hour after hour of questionable television shows that leave us feeling drained rather than rested. Healthy, holy rest rejuvenates us so that we can resume work more energetically and cheerfully, ready to share with others what God has given us.

A version of this article appeared first on Catholic365.com.

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Living God's Will Mega Giveaway: Jan. 12-18 Only!!

My husband and I have teamed up with Catholic personalities like parenting expert Dr. Ray Guarendi and chastity speaker Jason Evert in a mega giveaway for this week only. I will definitely be claiming my free copy of resources like Dr. Ray's book When Faith Causes Family Friction. Religious differences are a problem in so many marriages, and people are aching to find good advice on the topic!

But the giveaway doesn't just offer marriage and family resources. The giveaway's organizer, Christina Weber of Catholic Women's Guide, has collected invaluable resources in the areas of spirituality, life vision, health, wealth and abundance, business and relationships. Each expert was hand selected by Christina. According to her, "the common denominator of all those invited is that there is something special in how they are attempting to live their lives in alignment with God’s will. Their lives reflect a sincere attempt to build Christ’s kingdom in both ordinary and extraordinary ways and I hope that their witness will be an inspiration and encouragement to you."

Christina asked us to share “the good stuff” in this giveaway – “meaty” training content, strategies, tips, templates and tools that you can put into place immediately to begin seeing results. She asked us to condense and share our secrets to creating God’s richness in our lives as a result of understanding, obeying, and living God’s will in our areas of emphasis. And we couldn't be more excited to share...

Already know you want in? 
Starting Jan. 12 at 11 a.m. EST, get access to your free gifts here:
www.livinggodswill.com

Trying to make all the puzzle pieces fit together in your life can be quite overwhelming. We can totally relate to the longing to please God, but not always being 100% confident we are on track in every area. Frustrated with seeming to excel in doing God’s will in one area, but recognizing you’re falling down in another...Worried you might not be covering all of the bases in the unique life mission God has for you...Tired of spending more time in discouragement, confusion, and being TOO busy (Satan’s acronym for B-ound, U-under, S-atan’s, Y-oke), than in living in the present moment with those you love and all God has created, basking in gratitude over the God’s great abundance in your life.

We are all in the same boat -- but with help and support of mentors willing to share their genius there’s no need to recreate the wheel on how to flourish. The more good people out there who are empowered to share their unique gifts and talents with the world, in service to others to build Christ’s kingdom...the better off the entire world will be! So accept these great resources. They're helpful and free!

Here’s a sneak peek of just a few of the gifts being offered in the Living God's Will 2016 Resources Extravaganza:

• LIFE VISION – Learn a Powerful, Right & Left Brain Tool for Tapping into God’s Word for Better Clarity in Achieving Your Unique Mission for 2016
• SPIRITUALITY – Gain Insights to Help You Know and Respond to Your Specific Heavenly Call
• HEALTH – Learn Better Ways to Get Out Of Your Own Way and Let the Powerful Body God Gave You Activate Its Own Healing Process
• WEALTH / ABUNDANCE – Integrate These Simple Tips to Keep the Domestic Demands of Daily Life from Crushing Your Spirit
• BUSINESS – Cut through Satan’s Confusion with This Simple One Page Strategic Plan Template Designed to Help You Serve More Clients, Have a Greater Impact, and Live Out God’s Will in Your Business
• RELATIONSHIPS – Incorporate These Inspirations on How to Tap into God’s Everlasting Love to Make Your Marriage Better Today

The giveaway starts Tuesday, January 12, at 11 a.m., and it will last until Monday, January 18. To claim your gifts, just visit www.livinggodswill.com. Get the help and support you need to effectively live a Christ-centered life!

Marriage Rx: How to Balance a New Marriage and a New Job

In the latest Marriage Rx column from me and hubby Manuel P. Santos, M.D., we talk about the difficulties of work/life balance, especially when you're a newlywed.

Question: Hello, my name is Sean, and I am a senior at Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI. I am currently engaged, and will be getting married this summer, presumably around the same time I will be beginning my first full-time job in Accounting. I was wondering if you had advice for balancing both a new career and the newness of the sacrament of marriage. What are good strategies to balancing time and attention? What are some common pitfalls to avoid?

The idea of not bringing work home is something I want to strive for -- would you recommend staying later at the office if necessary or would you consider that more of a case by case situation? Clearly being home on time and leaving work at work would be ideal, but as an entry level accountant, I know that busy seasons will demand a few more hours each week and I would love to have a good game plan in place before that becomes a reality. -- Sean H.

Answer: Sean, we're impressed by how much you’ve thought things through already. It will be
great preparation for the future! It's hard to know how to give God and our family top priority when we need to work 40 or more hours a week. But it can be done.

The most important thing is to devote all your attention to your spouse when you're together. Especially if your time is limited, make it count! Little family rituals like sharing a cup of coffee in the morning before you leave for work, always calling at lunchtime just to say hi, and taking some time in the evening to talk can make a big difference.

You can combine prayer time with together time, too. In the morning, thank God for bringing you into each other's lives. At noon, take a few minutes to pray the Angelus, a traditional Catholic prayer that combines Scripture and the Hail Mary. At nighttime, you can pray a decade of the rosary together or petition God for help in making tomorrow an even better day.

The most common pitfall to avoid is coming home later than you said you would, especially if your wife is cooking dinner for you! Sometimes work runs later than planned and coming home late is unavoidable, but let your wife know as soon as you can. Few things are more disappointing than having a hot meal ready on the table and then finding out that no one will be home to eat it for at least another hour.

Working in a field like accounting, which has a regular busy season, can actually be easier to handle than a field like law or medicine where emergencies can arise without notice. Ask your co-workers exactly when the busy season tends to hit and how many hours per day they usually work. If everyone else is working a 10-hour day, plan on working the same. If everyone else is working a 12-hour day, ditto. If your wife would prefer you home in the evenings, consider starting work at 7:00 or 8:00 a.m. so you can still make it home at a reasonable hour.

A lot of employers will take all the time you have to give and then some. "In the U.S., 85.8 percent of males and 66.5 percent of females work more than 40 hours per week," says 20-Something Finance. Some employers won't even keep you around unless you're willing to work what seems like exorbitant hours. But in most cases, you can set boundaries. If you make it clear that you won't work on Sundays, for example, and you work reliably and productively the rest of the time, most employers will accept that. You might also be able to set one night a week, even during busy season, where you'll be home on time for dinner no matter what.

Working from home can be a blessing or a curse. If you're a workaholic, work can take over all the time that you could be spending with your spouse. On the other hand, if it's the only way you can get your work done and still make it to the out-of-town weekend you planned to spend with your in-laws, it can get you out of a jam. Just make sure you check with your employer first. Especially with sensitive financial data, your employer may not want anyone working outside the office.

Our last tip is to make sure you schedule a vacation when busy time is over so that you and your wife can spend some much needed time recharging and reconnecting. When you're working hard it helps to remember that you're working to make a better life for yourself and your family. Make sure you take the time to enjoy it when you can!

Five Things You'll Learn from Our Radio Appearance on "Finding God's Grace"

My husband Dr. Manny Santos and I

Our recent 30-minute radio interview with Tony Agnesi from Finding God's Grace covered a lot of ground, touching on marriage preparation, my husband's psychiatric practice with couples, my conversion to Catholicism, and my choice to give up law to be a stay-at-home mom. Along the way, we dispensed as much as advice as we could, of course! Here's five things you'll learn from the interview:

1. how the Hollywood image of marriage contributes to the lack of marriages that last

2. how important it is to rely on the example of couples who model good marriage

3. how good marriages need to be nourished by spiritual and practical truths

4. how to deal with time famine, like juggling the demands of day jobs, six kids, and writing a book together

5. how writing our Catholic marriage advice book has strengthened our own faith and our own married life

Special bonus feature -- you get to hear how I knew Manny was "the one" (Hint: it involved me kicking a piece of furniture across the room!!). To listen to the show, click here for Segment 1 and here for Segment 2.  Enjoy!

Best Blogposts and Mileposts of 2014!!

2014 was a banner year for us. Manny and I signed a book contract with Ave Maria Press (loud huzzahs!), the blog got a brand spanking new logo thanks to the efforts of sister-in-law Nancy Santos, and 13 posts were awarded National Catholic Register's The Best in Catholic Blogging.

Blogpost topics have included everything from work/life balance and marital finances to divorce and remarriage, a First Communion memoir, and special needs parenting. I've even covered difficult issues like adultery, homosexuality, and date rape. My articles reporting on Pope Francis' Synod on the Family appeared at stellar Catholic news site Aleteia. To my intense excitement, the Catholic Match Institute also featured my posts on what makes sacramental marriage so special and how to flirt.

The past year also saw the introduction of three new series on the blog. Manny wrote a large block of political-minded posts over the summer -- posts that also ran on Catholictherapists.com. Several long-time married couples have contributed to How to Stay Married 10 Years & Then Some. Many NFP couples have presented important and detailed information on Why & How Natural Family Planning Works for Us. No wonder our whole family collapsed in a sleepy heap for the entire Christmas vacation!

So here's a run-down of the 2014 posts you liked the best, and a request -- tell me what else you'd most like to read about here!

Top 10 Most Popular Posts

1. My Top 10 Favorite Quotes from Pope Francis (Some Will Surprise You!)

2. How to Stay Married 10 Years & Then Some: Karee and Manny (awarded Best in Catholic Blogging)

3. Gay Catholic Romance Novel Shows Sacrifice is the Heart of Love (awarded Best in Catholic Blogging)

4. Two Kids' Book Picks: One Light, One Heavy (awarded Best in Catholic Blogging)

5. My Top 10 Favorite Date Ideas from Spouse Dates (awarded Best in Catholic Blogging)

6. Woof!: British Divorcee Marries Her Loyal Dog

7. Chastity and Love: Please Don't Let Them Be Misunderstood (awarded Best in Catholic Blogging)

8. I Am More Than My Desire

9. Roundup of Best Posts for NFP Awareness Week 2014

10. Six Ways to Pray Your Way Through Lent (awarded Best in Catholic Blogging)

Top 3 Most Popular Guest Posts

1. No Better Aphrodisiac: Why NFP? by Allison & Kevin Gingras of Reconciled to You

2. Pablo & Kristin's Tips on How to Stay Married 10 Years & Then Some (awarded Best in Catholic Blogging)

3. Free Sex: A New Right? by hubby Manuel P. Santos, M.D.

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big, Big, BIG Book News: We Have a Signed Contract!

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Does God Want You to Have It All?

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Many blessings on all of you for helping this Catholic marriage support community grow. If there are any topics you'd like to hear more about, please let me know in the comments!

CatholicMom Interviews Me for their Catholic Blogger Series!

The unfailingly amazing Sarah Reinhard, author of 5 books and blogger for the National Catholic Register, New Evangelizers, and many more, interviews me today for the Catholic Blogger series on CatholicMom.com. 

"Yes, I can say I knew Karee Santos when…when she was debating whether she should blog, determining how to build a platform, and, most critically, discerning whether blogging and writing fit into her vocation as a wife and mom.

I’ve long admired Karee’s ability to say no and her enthusiasm for saying yes. Her blog, Can We Cana?, is designed to support marriage and family. She and her husband began teaching marriage prep 11 years ago, and she’s hosted marriage retreats and her book proposal’s been accepted by one of my favorite Catholic publishers.

Karee also writes here at CatholicMom.com and she has contributed to the National Catholic Register, Faith & Family Magazine, Catholic Lane, and Amazing Catechists. Karee’s passion shines through, and it’s a light to those around her. Enjoy our interview!"

For the rest of the interview, head over to CatholicMom.com by clicking here!!