Lenten Lessons from the Bottom of an Ice Cream Pint

Late last Wednesday night, I snuck into the freezer when no one was looking. My throat felt sore, and surely ice cream was the only cure. Even though I had given it up for Lent. As the first few icy, creamy spoonfuls slid past my lips, I found the anesthetic effect I craved. Then the realization exploded that this new flavor was my top favorite EVER. When the empty container finally flopped on its side and stared accusingly back at me, I hung my head in shame. So much for that Lenten resolution.

The devil attacks at our moment of greatest weakness, or so it is said. That's why he tempted Jesus after 40 days in the desert with no food and water. It humbles me to learn that my greatest weakness may amount to a persistent winter cold and a full freezer. 

Many years, I'm excited about Lent and the chance it gives me to push the spiritual reset button, renew my resolutions, and revive my faith. This year, I'm as enthused about Lent as I am about the U.S. presidential race. Which is to say, not much.

I could blame my malaise on encroaching middle age (encroaching? who am I kidding -- it's already here), but I've known too many folks in their 40s and 50s who seem powered by nuclear engines. I could more realistically blame it on the approaching launch of my first book, to be published by Ave Maria Press next month. Waves of anxiety are already threatening to overturn my tiny kayak of tranquility.

Energy-draining, soul-sucking thoughts parade through my head in no particular order, including: No one has ever heard of me. No one reads my blogposts, so why should they read my book. I haven't cut my hair in six months and it looks worse than Donald Trump's. I've poured ten years of my life into this book, and in the end it will not touch a single heart and it will accomplish nothing (nothing...nothing...). My spiritual director advised me to give the book to God, metaphorically speaking, and to tell God he can throw it in the ocean if he wants. Great advice, if I could follow it and really mean it.

Birthing a book has proved to be nearly as hard as birthing a baby. And I should know, since I've borne six children already. In her new book The Gift of Birth, theology professor and spiritual director Susan Windley-Daoust characterizes excruciating self-doubt as a sign that the Holy Spirit is at work in the process. 

But it would be giving myself too much credit to say that I've surrendered to the Holy Spirit. I'm still clutching at control with both hands. I'm plagued by aphorisms like "if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself" and haunted by memories of when I did it all myself and it still wasn't enough. Besides, I don't think stuffing an entire pint of ice cream in my face would signify a heartfelt yielding to the will of God.

And, so, I must admit that the most likely diagnosis of my condition is the spiritual weakness or inattentiveness called sloth. I'm burning the candle at both ends, says my husband. Just as an example, in one upcoming April weekend, I must (a) sing in Carnegie Hall with our cathedral choir, (b) ferry two of our daughters to an out-of-town gymnastic meet, and (c) attend our second-grader's First Communion Mass and host the after-party. (Not to mention the ongoing post-launch book publicity.) This over-busyness is classic sloth. The busier we get, the less time and energy we have for God.

I have been guilty of ignoring my own advice to make daily prayer my top priority. My soul (and consequently the rest of me) is running on fumes. In showing me my personal weakness, this Lent has revealed to me that the source of my strength does not lie in me but in God. Fortunately, it's not too late to try again, to taste and see that the Lord is good (Ps. 34:8). Yep, even better than ice cream.

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What's the Point of World Marriage Day?

When Elizabeth Scalia, editor-in-chief of Aleteia, asked me to write an article on World Marriage Day, I crowd-sourced my mommy blogger friends and got great ideas about how they and their husbands were planning to celebrate. More importantly, I learned what sacramental marriage means to them and how deeply committed they are to it. I am so proud to know them!

Click through to read the whole article on Aleteia:

Cynics already mock Valentine’s Day as a marketing-driven campaign that generated $18.9 billion last year. Why do we need spin-off events like World Marriage Day ...? Think of it as an effort to reclaim the culture for Christ. 

....

In our sex-saturated culture, it’s essential to proclaim that romantic love is not the pinnacle of human happiness. As the schoolchildren’s rhyme goes, “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” Romance leads to marriage, and marriage leads to families that are domestic churches forming souls for Christ. World Marriage Day redirects us to that truth.

Give Up Selfishness in Your Marriage for Lent

Since Lent began yesterday with Ash Wednesday, I'm interrupting the monthly series of Marriage Rx advice columns for this guest post from Colin Corcoran of The Catholic Husband. Colin makes an excellent suggestion for growing closer to your spouse this Lent.

To understand what marriage is – we must first understand what it is not: It is not dependent on romantic love, it is not dependent on your spouse doing their fair share, it is not dependent on your spouse not making mistakes – even grave ones that wound you deeply.

What marriage is about: a vow you took before God when you bestowed freely the sacrament of Marriage on your spouse and gave yourself to her in service until your death, marriage is about forgiveness, marriage is about loving even when that love is not returned, marriage is about remaining faithful even when your spouse is not, marriage is about doing whatever is best for your spouse instead of what you think is best for you, marriage is about putting your spouse above everything else save God in your life.

By now you are likely angry. Obviously, you have not stopped reading. Let me explain as Jesus did in the beatitudes – to become first, we must make ourselves last; To become the master, we must become the slave.

What that means in practical terms is that marriage is not about YOU. It is a vow of perpetual service, and when that vow is practiced by both parties simultaneously unfathomable joy and love bloom like roses in the desert. You should also be realistic and understand that any marriage will have it’s ups and downs – some very severe. In order to achieve those joys one must often endure hardship and even sorrow with dignity and commitment. There will be times when nothing but your commitment to your promise and Christ himself carry you in your marriage.

Let your marriage be a reflection of the Love of Christ for humanity. For if you cannot love your wife, how can you hope to love God, much less the world.

Your impediment to doing this is SELFISHNESS. For Lent, please consider giving it up in your marriage and see the difference it can make in 40 days. Then stop and imagine the difference it can make over a lifetime.

Pax Christi,


Colin


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This Lent, Join Thousands in Learning About Mercy in Marriage

My husband Manny and I are excited to join several stellar speakers for a February 2016 online event called Faces of Mercy, produced by CatholicConference4Moms. Over 4,000 Catholic women registered for last year's event. Manny and I will be speaking on Mercy in Marriage and the power of forgiveness to make your marriage strong, long-lasting, and joyful. Other presentations cover a wide range of topics such as teaching children how to forgive, overcoming evil through showing mercy, lessons on Divine Mercy from St. Faustina, and the role of mercy in combating pornography addiction.

This year's amazing line-up of presenters includes:

• Jennifer Fulwiler, Sirius XM radio show host & author of the best-selling conversion memoir Something Other Than God;

• Simcha Fisher, speaker at the World Meeting of Families and author of The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning;

• Kimberly Hahn, Bible-study author and wife of theology professor Scott Hahn;

• Mike Aquilina, author or editor of more than 40 books and host of several television series on EWTN; and

• amazing friends and colleagues like Elizabeth Reardon, Pat Gohn, Allison Gingras, and Lisa Duffy.

Conference organizer Tami Kiser has brought to life an extraordinary way of entering into the meaning of Christ's mercy during this Year of Mercy, starting on December 8, 2015, that Pope Francis has declared for the Church. Pre-recorded talks from the Faces of Mercy conference will be available to registrants on demand all throughout Lent. Plus, on February 20, 2016, Jennifer Fulwiler will be hosting live in the morning, and moms can gather virtually in the afternoon for live stream praying of the Divine Mercy chaplet.

A special option available this year is for parishes to host the talks as a Lenten retreat. This is a great way to rejuvenate faith and trust in God during the cold winter months before we celebrate Christ's resurrection! The CatholicConference4Moms website has all the information for parish participation here. 

Please consider registering either as an individual or on behalf of your parish, if you're a catechist or religious education director. May Christ shower his mercy and blessings upon you!

3 Great Spanish-language Resources for Catechesis and Evangelization

There is a growing need in the U.S. for solid Spanish-language resources to help spread and teach the Catholic faith. Here are three resources I discovered recently:

1. Blogueros con el Papa. Translated roughly as Bloggers with the Pope, this online group joins bloggers from over 20 countries. Its purpose is to support the mission and the person of the Pope and to evangelize through the Internet and social media. St. Peter the Apostle and St. Teresa of Avila are the group's patrons. My Spanish blog, Comencemos en Caná, recently joined Blogueros con el Papa.

2.Theology of the Body in Spanish. Theology professor Patricio Reidy has a website in Spanish devoted to spreading the message of Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body to Spanish-speaking people throughout the Americas. Reidy also produces short videos, called Minutos, to describe TOB in brief detail to a Spanish-speaking audience. These videos are currently available on the YouTube channel of the Daughters of St. Paul. I've featured one of them here.

3. Lenten and Holy Week resources. The Diocese of Dallas has prepared an extensive list of Lenten catechetical materials for individuals, families, and children. Some materials are specifically geared towards Holy Week and Easter. Others have year-round usefulness, such as The Way of the Cross for children and guides for the Sacrament of confession.

If you find these resources helpful, please share them widely! If you know of other Spanish-language resources, please mention them in the comments.

 Photo Credit: kamerakamote via Compfight cc

Teach These Things to Your Children

A single story that brings your child’s heart nearer to God is worth an infinite number of likes and shares on Facebook. Your Internet audience might include any number of people — friends who are already convinced, strangers who will never be convinced, and people who will forget what you said a minute later. Rarely will you exert as strong an influence over the general public as you do over your own children and grandchildren.

Parents are the primary educators of their children, especially when it comes to faith and morals. Evangelizing must begin at home. Moses emphasized the importance of parents’ teaching their children the law of God, instructing the people of Israel:

“Not to forget the things which your own eyes have seen, nor let them slip from your memory as long as you live, but teach them to your children and to your children’s children.” (Dt 4:9)

Our primary responsibility is to remember the Word of God and apply it to our own actions. We must learn it and internalize it before we can pass it on. Secondly, we have the joy and the obligation of handing the faith down to our children as a spiritual inheritance.

Children will remember what we say even if they don’t agree with it or follow it 100% of the time. Years later, perhaps when they themselves become parents, they will look back and realize the worth of the values we tried to inculcate in them. We plant the seeds and wait patiently for them to flourish, letting God and the passage of time soften the ground of our children’s hearts.

So, parents, when you talk to your children today, bring God into the conversation. It’s not hard. If your kids fight, mention Cain and Abel. If they play the blame game, talk about how after the Fall, Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent, everyone turning against one another out of sin. If they say they feel unloved or unimportant, remind them that God has counted every hair on their heads. If they drive you crazy, remember that God “has blessed your children within you” (Ps. 147:13) before they were even born and sent them to you as a gift to propel you along the path to heaven.

Spread the Gospel by beginning at home.

Based on the readings for Wednesday, March 26, 2014: Deuteronomy 4:1, 5-9; Psalms 147:12-13, 15-16, 19-20; Matthew 5:17-19. This post also appeared at Catholic Lane.

Betraying with a Kiss

If you've ever been betrayed by a best friend or by someone you loved deeply, remember that Jesus was, too. Judas was a part of Jesus' inner circle. Jesus called him, chose him, spent every day in his company as they traveled together preaching the good news. At the Last Supper when Jesus instituted the Eucharist, he ordained his apostles as priests. Assuming Judas was there at the moment of that first Eucharist, then he was also ordained a priest mere hours before he betrayed Our Lord unto death.

My heart breaks for Our Lord and the suffering he experienced by this most intimate betrayal. We could theorize about what drove Judas to betray Christ. It could have been greed and the lure of silver. It could have been disappointment that Jesus rejected the role of an earthly or political Messiah. It could have been political ambition and a desire to ally himself with the powers-that-be. But all those reasons seem so petty.

Jesus understood the blackness of the human heart. He told the story of his betrayal in parables before he died. In the parable of the owner of the vineyard, Jesus tells a tale of how the tenants of the vineyard killed all the stewards rather than give the owner his due. Finally, the owner sent his son to them, thinking "They will respect my son." But the tenants killed the son to steal his inheritance and brought condemnation upon themselves. Whatever goal Judas wanted to obtain by betraying Jesus, Judas did not obtain it. Whatever inheritance the tenants wanted to keep did not remain theirs. Betrayal never accomplishes its goal....

Read more here on CatholicLane, where this post appears as part of the Lenten Reflection series.

Forgive One Another

If you can't make it to Mass today, take a few minutes to reflect on the daily readings, which remind us of our urgent need to forgive one another as God has forgiven us. Catholic Lane has a whole series of posts offering short meditations on the readings. Here is Can We Cana's contribution, up on Catholic Lane today.

The readings for today stress God’s powerful gift of forgiveness and his demand that we share this forgiveness with others. Even the wicked can be saved, the reading from Ezekiel reminds us, because “if the wicked man turns away from all the sins he committed, … he shall surely live, he shall not die.” And no matter how we might wish otherwise, we all have a touch of wickedness in us, an inclination to choose the wrong over the right, to put ourselves first, and to harbor small resentments and petty grievances. As the Psalm for the day laments, “If you, O LORD, mark iniquities, LORD, who can stand? But with you is forgiveness, that you may be revered.”

The Gospel of the day teaches us how to make it right this Lent: “if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother.” Sometimes we show our worst to the people closest to us, like our brothers and sisters, our spouses and our children. That means we need to say sorry and ask forgiveness over and over again. “Whoever said that ‘love means never having to say I’m sorry’ was an idiot,” according to Catholic psychiatrist Dr. Phil Mango.

Read the rest on Catholic Lane.

Six Ways to Pray Your Way Through Lent

Lent is coming soon, and many of us are already pondering what resolutions we'll choose this year. No resolution can succeed without prayer, however, so here's six ways to improve your prayer life this Lent.

1.  Make a daily prayer date with God. Best friends talk every day, so use the days of Lent to renew and deepen your friendship with God. If you don't pray every day, pick a specific time and commit to spending just five minutes telling God what's in your heart. If you already have a habit of daily prayer, add five more minutes to your regular time. For example, if you normally pray ten minutes a day, make it fifteen minutes a day for Lent. Scheduling prayer for the same time every day will help you keep your commitment. You wouldn't break a standing date with your husband, or your mom, or your best friend, unless you absolutely had to. So try to make and keep that daily prayer date with God.

2. Add a rosary to your day. St. Louis de Montfort said that praying the rosary was like giving a bouquet of roses to the Blessed Virgin Mary. So, make your mother happy this Lent. Saying an entire set of mysteries takes 20 to 30 minutes, depending on how fast you recite the prayers. If that's too much time, just say the fifth Sorrowful Mystery -- one Our Father, 10 Hail Marys, and one Glory Be while meditating on Our Lord's crucifixion. Say it with your spouse and your kids, and include your whole family in this beautiful tradition of prayer.

3. Make a morning offering. Offer your entire day to God, and he will bless you for it. First thing in the morning, connect with him and ask for his support and consolation throughout the day. You can recite this exquisite formal prayer, penned by St. Ignatius of Loyola: Take, O Lord, and receive my entire liberty, my memory, my understanding and my whole will. All that I am and all that I possess You have given me: I surrender it all to You to be disposed of according to Your will. Give me only Your love and Your grace; with these I will be rich enough, and will desire nothing more. But you can also go a simpler route and create your own morning offering. Our family likes to say, "God please help me to do what you want today." It takes just a few moments and can bring so much peace to your day.

4. Ask for God's help more than usual. Sometimes when we feel stressed or overwhelmed, we forget to call on God's strength. Mini-crises hit us more than once a day, on average, and they give us ample opportunity to request divine assistance. Even if your schedule is too harried to carve out specific times for prayer, you can choose a one-sentence prayer (also called an aspiration) to reach out to God throughout the day. Many people use the Jesus prayer, which is "Lord have mercy on me, a sinner." Other possibilities are "God, make haste to help me" or "Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me."

5. Keep a prayer journal. If you decide to make Lenten resolutions, it's a good idea to keep track of how well you're doing. Writing down your success (or your failure!) is a great way to ensure accountability. So at the end of the day, you can note down in a journal whether you kept your resolutions that day or not. It will give you extra impetus to stay on track through the whole 40 days of the season.

6. Go to weekly confession. The Church encourages us to go to confession especially during Lent. Many people go at least once, but you don't have to stop there. Going to weekly confession during Lent will bring you an avalanche of graces. Telling the priest about your progress with your Lenten resolutions will enhance your ability to persevere. Take the whole family with you on Saturday afternoons, and everyone can benefit from this powerful sacrament.

May God bless you during this holy season of Lent! And if you have other ideas for improving prayer life during Lent, please let us know in the comments!


Photo Credit: Gerg1967 via Compfight cc. This article also appeared at CatholicLane.com, and was listed in Tito Edwards' The Best in Catholic Blogging at the National Catholic Register website.

Financial Lent (Post-Cana Post)

My husband and I have been scraping the bottom of the financial barrel lately.  It couldn't have happened at a better time.  Lent is about sacrifices, after all, isn't it?  Some sacrifices are voluntary, but some are imposed from the outside.  Cheerfully accepting the sacrifices we haven't asked for is as valuable as imposing mortifications of our own choosing.  Cheerful acceptance, of course, is easier said than done.

For many prosperous years, I watched our finances obsessively, fearfully, hawk-like.  It finally dawned on my that what I feared was my own mistakes.  Was I guilty of money mismanagement, stupidity, greed, wastefulness?  As our family grew, our belts got tighter.  No matter how we budgeted or planned, we always seemed to hit the financial skids at least once a year, usually in January.  This January was no exception, except that it was worse than usual.

We've experienced a series of financial whammos lately, including multiple car accidents, starting medical treatment to control my eldest daughter's attention deficit disorder, braces for what seems like every child, and-and-and.  But, for once, my fragile hold on peacefulness has not been broken.  The fault for these financial calamities cannot be laid at my door.  Calamity is like "Our Lady's caress," as Pope John Paul II famously called the assassin's bullet that wounded him.  Who can lose their peace when Our Lady is just introducing us to the kind of life she lived?  Even temporary poverty gives us a glimpse of the absolute trust that Our Lady must have placed in God to provide for her family's daily needs.

Besides, God has showed his care for me in so many dramatic ways these past few months.  Week after week, my mission to spread the Church's good news about marriage and family has received a surprising boost.  Chance meetings with chancellors, unexpected offers by editors, unanticipated invitations from publishers, all adding up to an overwhelming overload of blessings.  The blessings aren't financial right now, but that's okay.

In this amazing season of Lent, I feel like I'm body-surfing through surging spiritual waters, rocketing up, plummeting down, can't breathe, rushing faster-than-fast, but dry land waits ahead for me.  When I'm thrown on the sand, God will be there to pick me up.  He has numbered the hairs on my head.  He knows what I need, what my family needs, and he will provide.

Do Moms Really Need to Do Lent? (Post-Cana Post)

One young mom of many caused a stir a few years ago by asking, "Do moms really need to give up anything for Lent?"  Lest you reject the question out of hand, let's look at the sacrifices required of a young mom of many, who is either pregnant or breastfeeding (or both) pretty much all of the time.  No sleep, no caffeine, no alcohol, no makeup or fancy clothes, no waistline, no alone time, and very little adult conversation.  Is there anything left to give up? 

The answer is a resounding yes, according to posts like 100 Things To Do For Lent.  Even when your body is giving its utmost and your time is is filled to the minute, there are always bad habits you can get rid of for Lent.  Gossiping, complaining, sarcasm, negativity, self-pity, general snarkiness?  We're all guilty of at least one of these, at least some of the time. 

A cheerful smile, especially when you don't feel like it, can be the best sacrifice of all.  St. Therese of Lisieux advised, "Miss no single opportunity of making some small sacrifice, here by a smiling look, there by a kindly word; always doing the smallest right and doing it all for love.”  A mom's cheerful smile can lift the spirits of her entire family.

Lent is actually the perfect time for cheerfulness.  In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus told us, "when you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by men.  Truly, I say to you, they have their reward."  (Mt 6:16)  Lent is the perfect time to ask ourselves how much we really sacrifice with a smile.

 Photos by Maria Santos, age 8