Last week was the final deadline to submit comments to our local bishop about the agenda for the upcoming Synod on the Family, to be reconvened this October at the Vatican. The Synod's working document, or lineamenta, asked 46 questions about the pastoral care of the family, which the laypeople of our diocese were encouraged to answer.
Not being one to keep my mouth shut, I put in my 25 cents worth even when it touched on issues of priestly formation. Because, the way I see it, nothing's more essential to evangelization of the family than the knowledge and personal holiness of the priests who proclaim it. I also included lots of practical suggestions that shouldn't take much time or effort to implement.
What do you think of my suggestions? Do you know any parishes or dioceses that already incorporate these ideas in their programs? I'd love to hear from you about ongoing efforts across the country.
**************
Your Excellency,
As a pre-Cana instructor and author of an upcoming book on Catholic
marriage to be published by Ave Maria Press, I offer the following responses to
the Lineamenta.
Q. 10. What is being done to demonstrate the greatness and
beauty of the gift of indissolubility so as to prompt a desire to live it and
strengthen it more and more? (cf. n. 14)
Most people do not undervalue the gift of indissolubility, they instead see
it as an almost impossible goal far beyond their ability to achieve. This lack
of hope is heightened when people’s own parents have become divorced and
remarried, sometimes more than once. The most encouraging witness for these
people is often the most simple – recognition masses for couples in the
community who are celebrating their 25th or 50th wedding anniversaries. Masses
for those who are celebrating their 10th anniversary might offer additional
consolation, especially since these couples will be closer in age to the newly
married or still single.
Q. 11. How can people be helped to understand that a
relationship with God can assist couples in overcoming the inherent weaknesses
in marital relations? (cf. n. 14) How do people bear witness to the fact that
divine blessings accompany every true marriage? How do people manifest that the
grace of the Sacrament sustains married couples throughout their life
together?
People need to realize that a successful marriage does not depend on
finding the “right person.” Every person is imperfect and many are wounded. A
successful marriage depends on accepting your own faults and the faults of your
beloved without ever giving up the constant struggle to overcome these
weaknesses. Forgiveness can be learned in the Sacrament of Confession, which
should be available whenever requested. The Sacrament of the Eucharist is a
constant reminder that the one perfect person in our union, whose love is
unquenchable and unending, is God.
Q. 16. What initiatives in catechesis can be developed and
fostered to make known and offer assistance to persons in living the Church’s
teaching on the family, above all in surmounting any possible discrepancy
between what is lived and what is professed and in leading to a process of
conversion?
Catechesis must begin with the priesthood. Guidelines for ongoing priestly formation could include a requirement of catechesis on the family. Monthly confession and
spiritual direction could also be offered to priests. Catechesis must be rooted in
heart-felt devotion and closeness to Christ. Priests could then train, oversee,
or approve the activity of lay catechists. No catechetical initiative can
succeed without people adequately trained to carry it out.
There are numerous excellent catechetical programs available, but there is
a tendency to remain with the familiar rather than attempt improvement. Lay
people and movements have a tremendous amount to offer but there is a tendency
to squelch initiatives that do not originate from within the church hierarchy.
This dampens zeal and halts growth. Sometimes fostering spiritual renewal is
just a matter of not standing in the way of it.
Q. 20. How can people be helped to understand that no one is
beyond the mercy of God? How can this truth be expressed in the Church’s
pastoral activity towards families, especially those which are wounded and
fragile? (cf. n. 28)
A deeply devout Spanish-speaking priest in Manhattan would shout to the
overflowing number of people attending Mass – “I have helped so many couples who
haven’t married in the Church yet! Come to me! I can fix this!” This joyful
offer of convalidation acknowledged the truth of the situation and placed no
barriers to the immediate resolution of the problem. Parish bulletins could
include weekly announcements that convalidation is available. Parish offices and
web sites could develop one-page fact sheets on the basics of divorce,
annulment, and convalidation, with numbers to call in order to take the next
step.
Q. 28. How is marriage preparation proposed in order to
highlight the vocation and mission of the family according to faith in Jesus
Christ? Is it proposed as an authentic ecclesial experience? How can it be
renewed and improved?
Marriage prep is often overwhelmingly secular, because of deficiencies in
the program, the administrators, the instructors, or all three. Engaged couples
could receive better secular preparation (e.g., on work, communication, or
finances) from a secular source. Receiving a second-rate secular preparation
from a religious source demeans the core competence of Mother Church as a
spiritual teacher. Pre-Cana should in fact be an authentic ecclesial experience,
and too often it is not. At a minimum, Mass should always be included as part of
the program. Opportunity for confession should also be available.
Q. 31. The pastoral accompaniment of couples in the initial
years of family life — as observed in synodal discussion — needs further
development. What are the most significant initiatives already being undertaken?
What elements need further development in parishes, dioceses or associations and
movements?
Some simple ways to accompany couples in the initial years of their
marriage include: sending anniversary cards, offering blessings to all couples
in the first year of marriage at a designated Mass each month, personally
inviting these couples (and their children) to carry up the gifts at Mass and
listing their names in the bulletin, and offering an annual day or evening of
follow-up post-Cana instruction with free babysitting. All of this would of
course depend on an organized system of creating and maintaining a database of
couples married or registered in the parish.
Yours in
Christ,
Karee Santos
Parishioner of St. Joseph Church, Garden City
Founder of Can We Cana? A Community to Support Catholic Marriages
Karee Santos
Parishioner of St. Joseph Church, Garden City
Founder of Can We Cana? A Community to Support Catholic Marriages
I sent comments to my bishop, too. I've never been married, but I have opinions, of course. I especially wanted to comment on all the sections of the lineamenta asking what to do to make marriage seem like a better concept to young people, because I haven't lost hope yet! I plan to post my responses as part of a larger series, following straight from the series I've been working on for the questions from the 2015 synod.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I am so glad the synod fathers even bothered asking regular people to contribute our opinions. What a time we live in!
Lindsay, please tag me in your posts on the synod -- all my social media buttons are in the upper right-hand corner of the sidebar. I'd love to hear more of your perspective!
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DeleteIf you are not already aware, I imagine you would be interested in seeing what the Catholic canon law says about separation and divorce. As director of "Mary's Advocates" a non-profit organization upholding marriage, I prepared a document for bishops before the October 2014 synod and have received warm thank you letters from Cardinals Raymond Burke, Timothy Dolan, and George Pell; Archbishop Joseph Kurtz, and John Nienstedt; and Bishop Frank Caggiano.
ReplyDeleteDocument is titled: "Mary’s Advocates Observations: Separation, Divorce, and Annulment, The Pastoral Care Described in the Catechism, and The Canon Law and the Prevalent Pastoral Practice in the United States"
If you provide me with your shipping address, I'd be pleased to send you a paperback version with big fold-out flowcharts. Or you can find text on our website. www.MarysAdvocates.org.
Thank you,
Bai Macfarlane
ma.defending@marysadvocates.org
I am interested. I'll reply by email. Thanks for commenting!
Delete