I woke up early with a lot of the Catholic world on this past Friday to catch the earliest possible glimpse of Pope Francis' exhortation Amoris Laetitia (The Joy of Love). The pope wanted to challenge people, and he did. But he also penned some remarkably wise and beautiful words on how to have an enduring marriage. Here's my article for Aleteia on the chapters of Amoris Laetitia that Pope Francis wrote directly to married couples.
After nearly
eighteen months of speculation, the other shoe has dropped and Pope Francis has
finally issued his apostolic exhortation on the 2014-15 Synod of the Family. In
true Francis fashion, he has issued a document that he hopes will challenge
everyone (para. 7). Against calls for “general rules” or “immoderate … change”,
he instead articulates a philosophy of accompaniment, which depends not on rules but on
relationships (para. 2). In particular he urges us to cherish the good in every
family situation, no matter how irregular (paras. 77, 292).
Apart from
sparking an inevitable firestorm of controversy around hot-button issues, Amoris Laetitia (The Joy of Love) also
directs stirringly beautiful words of encouragement and inspiration to married
couples in line with the teaching of Pope St. John Paul II. Commentators have long wondered and
worried if the
thoughts of John Paul II would be reflected in this newest Church pronouncement
on the family. The reading guide for bishops, presented earlier this week, reassured
clerics that Amoris Laetitia was
heavily inspired by the Theology of the Body, the former pontiff’s ground-breaking
discourses on marriage and sexuality.
Amoris Laetitia combines brilliant Scriptural
analysis akin to John Paul II’s with a healthy dash of Francis’ plain-spoken,
homespun wisdom. Its praise of sexual and erotic love echoes Pope Benedict XVI
in Deus Caritas Est (God is Love). Pope Francis’ Chapter One on the
Biblical basis of marriage tracks the journey of Adam and Eve from solitude to
togetherness, and then to suffering and finally redemption through Jesus Christ
(paras. 9-22), just as John Paul did II in the opening addresses of the
Theology of the Body.
The two
“central chapters” of Amoris Laetitia,
and the ones in which Pope Francis speaks most directly to married couples, are
Chapters Four and Five (paras. 6-7). Chapter
Four leads us line by line through St. Paul’s much-beloved Hymn to Love in 1 Corinthians 13, while Chapter Five focuses on the
fruitful love that is “a symbol of God’s inner life” (para. 11). These chapters
offer the following strikingly practical insights on how to live the married
vocation to the fullest.
See each other (para.
128). “We often hear in
families: ’My husband does not look at me’” or “’My wife no longer looks at me,
she only has eyes for our children,’” notes Pope Francis. Husbands and wives
must not withhold a “look of appreciation,” a gaze of “contemplative love,”
even when our spouse has become “infirm, elderly or physically unattractive,”
he continues. “Much hurt and many problems result when we stop looking at one
another.”
Listen to each other (paras. 100, 137, 139). “How often we hear complaints like:
‘He does not listen to me,’” adds Pope Francis. Husbands and wives show love
when we “listen patiently and attentively,” exercising “the self-discipline of
not speaking until the time is right.” Our ability to listen depends on whether
we cultivate “interior silence” and an ability to acknowledge the worth of the
other person and their perspective. “The combination of two different ways of
thinking can lead to a synthesis that enriches both,” he wisely observes.
And when we
finally speak, “words should be carefully chosen,” he says. “Those who love are
capable of speaking words of comfort, strength, consolation, and encouragement ...
not words that demean, sadden, anger or show scorn.”
Touch each other (paras. 148, 157). Authentic married love will “welcome
with sincere and joyful gratitude … a caress, an embrace, a kiss and sexual
union,” says Francis. The search for sexual pleasure should not resemble an
obsessive insatiability, however. “Excess, lack of control or obsession with a
single form of pleasure can end up weakening and tainting that very pleasure
and damaging family life,” the Pope warns.
Let nothing rob you of the joy of
parenthood (paras.
168, 171, 179). “Don’t let fears,
worries, other people’s comments or problems lessen your joy,” Pope Francis
encourages us. Children are a gift from God, and the conception of each child marks
a moment when “the Creator’s eternal dream [of that child] comes true.” The
Pope urges married couples, particularly those who struggle with infertility,
to adopt or provide foster care, “offering the gift of a family to someone who has
none.”
These
nuggets of practical wisdom are a small fraction of the treasures to be found
in Amoris Laetitia. The broad sweep
of the document covers theological issues like the sacramentality and
indissolubility of marriage, economic issues like migration and unemployment, and
pastoral issues like marriage preparation, the training of priests, and care
for the divorced and remarried. With reason, Pope Francis refers to the Synod
proceedings as a “multi-faceted gem” and asks us to devote more than “a rushed
reading” to his post-Synodal exhortation (paras. 4, 7).
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