If you think being chaste means not having sex, you're wrong. Chastity means using your sexuality in the way God intended. Single people who are chaste don't have sex (and don't do a lot of other things as well). Married people who are chaste DO have sex. But, one reader asked, what exactly is chaste sex? Some people complain that the Catholic view of sex reads like a long list of "nos" -- no pornography, no masturbation, no contraception. So, based on a little research and a few informal online surveys, I came up with a list of 58 ways that devout, validly married Catholics say "yes" to sex. Warning: the following is for mature audiences only.
From Blessed Pope John Paul II:
1. Yes to simultaneous orgasms.
From ordinary Catholic laypeople:
2. Yes to sex at every opportunity.
3. Yes to doing it in all sorts of positions.
4. Yes to building anticipation when sex isn’t appropriate at that very moment.
5. Yes to lots of foreplay.
6. Yes to fantasizing about your spouse, but not about anybody else.
7. Yes to displaying sexy parts in private, but not in public.
8. Yes to using arousing language (the modern equivalent of your breasts are like gazelles).
9. Yes to kissing your spouse everywhere. I repeat, everywhere.
10. Yes to having sex with Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries' at full volume (Bose stereo optional).
11. Yes to nakedness.
12. Yes to saying, "I love you naked."
13. Yes to saying "I love you" while intimate.
14. Yes to saying, "I enjoy this."
15. Yes to spending a lifetime getting to know your partner in an intimacy that proponents of "casual sex" do not even know exists.
16. Yes to never thinking of pregnancy as a "problem" to worry about.
17. Yes to the hope that this time a child will be conceived.
18. Yes to saying, "I hope this child will be a Saint."
19. Yes to making your wife feel beautiful.
20. Yes to making your husband feel appreciated.
21. Yes to saving yourself for your future spouse.
22. Yes to giving your virginity to your spouse as a wedding gift.
23. Yes to learning together as newly-weds the fine art of making love.
24. Yes to never suffering any stress over possible STDs.
25. Yes to never worrying if your partner will be there in the morning.
26. Yes to never worrying if your partner is comparing you to someone else.
27. Yes to accepting that things don't need to be perfect.
28. Yes to keep trying until you get it perfect.
29. Yes to the knowledge that you are together because you love each other, not because you "need" the "sex".
30. Yes to "no"! Yes to knowing that times of sexual abstinence, whether by mutual decision or by force of circumstance, improve your relationship.
31. Yes to Natural Family Planning methods of periodic abstinence.
32. Yes, if every time we come together in the marital act, we're open to the possibility of life.
33. Yes, if my spouse accepts and practices the Church's teaching on contraception.
34. Yes, if my husband's not committing Onan's sin (coitus interruptus).
35. Yes, if it's an expression of love and not to use each other for simple physical gratification.
36. Yes, if there's lots of cuddling afterwards (falling asleep is okay).
37. Yes, if it's the normal way (no a**l sex, and the such).
38. Yes, if it's just the two of us (no swinging or extracurricular partners!).
39. Yes, if my spouse loves me third (first God, then Our Lady, then me).
40. Yes to thanking God for the gifts he gave us -- first for our spouse, and second for the gift of sex itself.
41. Yes to saying the rosary as a couple every night before jumping into bed.
42. Yes to mutual respect.
43. Yes to total self-giving.
44. Yes to being an earthly echo of creative Trinitarian love.
45. Yes to knowing why it matters.
From Christopher West's Good News about Sex and Marriage
46. Yes to receiving each other's bodies worthily.
47. Yes to the challenging demands of authentic love.
48. Yes to keeping the lights on.
49. Yes to looking deep into each other's eyes at the most vulnerable moment.
50. Yes to oral sex as foreplay but not as an alternative to making love.
51. Yes to oral sex afterwards if a husband has not yet pleased his wife.
52. Yes to asking your spouse's forgiveness for not saving yourself for marriage.
53. Yes to giving your flashbacks of past experiences to Christ and asking him to heal you.
54. Yes to expecting miraculous changes of heart if your spouse still insists on using contraception.
55. Yes to recognizing that we may all have mixed motives.
56. Yes to letting the power of love hold sway over the pull of lust.
57. Yes to becoming one in a life-giving communion.
58. Yes to becoming a sacramental sign of the union of Christ the Bridegroom and the Church, his Bride.
If you're not practicing chaste sex, then you don't know what you're missing.