What the Experts Say About Everlasting Love

When we were researching and writing our book about Catholic marriage, Manny and I were intensely aware of one thing. Although Manny is a psychiatrist, I'm an attorney, we've designed and taught pre-Cana classes, and we're raising six kids, we don't have a theology degree between us. To say we double-checked everything twice is an understatement. So we were overwhelmingly happy when the Dean of Students at the highly respected St. Joseph's Seminary (colloquially known as "Dunwoodie") approved our book for the imprimatur without a single change. That book meant our book was free from any doctrinal error -- an A+ job.

In the words of Bishop William Murphy of the Diocese of Rockville Centre to our publisher: "I am happy to write to you now to say that the theologian who has reviewed [the book] has a high regard for it and highly recommends it with no suggestions of any changes." We were so excited by the news that we asked that theologian to endorse our book, and he agreed!

His endorsement joins those by Christopher West (possibly the most well-known Catholic writer on marriage today) and authors Lisa Mladinich, Sarah Reinhard, Stephanie Calis, and Fr. John Waiss. Read on to see what they say!

"Very appealing."

"A good resource for couples. The authors' married witness and clear attention to Catholic teachings make it very appealing."

--Rev. Nicholas Zientarski, Dean of Students, St. Joseph's Seminary at Dunwoodie, Yonkers, New York

"Practical yet spiritually rich."

"In The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, you will meet two remarkable people who have experienced authentic love, having embraced joy and sorrow alike. Practical yet spiritually rich, this book is the fruit of his private practice as a counselor to couples in crisis and of their ministry together in marriage preparation. While reading it you will discover, as the Santoses have discovered, that just as Jesus turned water into wine at the wedding feast of Cana, so too does he 'restore the wine' in the lives of every couple who invite him to their marriage."

--From the foreword by Christopher West, Author of Good News about Sex and Marriage

"Not to be missed!"

"Whether engaged or long-married, Catholic couples will fall in love again as they implement these simple but powerful strategies for creating a lifetime of mutual joy. The Four Keys to Everlasting Love unpacks the secrets of genuine togetherness through personal witness, case studies, the writings of the Church, and superb practical recommendations. Not to be missed!"

 --Lisa Mladinich, Author of the Be An Amazing Catechist series

"An instant, classic, go-to resource."

"What Dr. Manny and Karee Santos have done with The Four Keys to Everlasting Love is to create a resource that we all need. Yes, all of us. Whether you're single and contemplating marriage, newlywed or an old hand at vows, priest or catechist, this book has something for you. What you're holding in your hands is a book that's going to become an instant, classic, go-to resource for parishes, spiritual leaders, and anyone who cares about the future of Catholic marriage."

 --Sarah Reinhard, Catholic author, speaker, and blogger

"An invitation to heroic virtue."

"In my experience as a Catholic relationship book junkie, this is my first encounter with a book that spans every season of marriage, from engagement to young family life and beyond. Karee and Manny Santos offer something rare: practical, livable, and holy ways for couples to live out their wedding vows in a complete gift of self--in everything from work to money to holidays and hospitality. Looking to scripture, the saints, and St. John Paul II's theology of the body, their wisdom, borne of many years together in sickness and in health, does more than just present a roadmap for the shared life between a husband and wife and their family. The Four Keys to Everlasting Love calls spouses to a true engagement (ahem!) and communion with the Church and the world, one that authentically fosters a 'civilization of love.' This book truly is an invitation to heroic virtue, fully alive in pursuit of God's glory, with your spouse by your side."

--Stephanie Calis, Catholic blogger and author of Invited: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner 

"Spot on!"

"Fearlessly sharing their own marital and family struggles, Karee and Manny Santos show how every family can reach the alluring ideal to which God calls them, drawing others to heaven in the process. Their many easy and practical suggestions are spot on!"

--Rev. John R. Waiss, Pastor and author of Couples in Love

The Four Keys to Everlasting Love

How Your Catholic Marriage Can

Bring You Joy for a Lifetime

By Karee Santos

and Manuel P. Santos, M.D.

ISBN: 978-1-59471-603-4

256 pages • $15.95

Catholicism/

Marriage and Relationships

Also available as an eBook

Click here to purchase on Amazon

Click here to purchase on B&N

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!: Press Release for The Four Keys

As next week's launch date for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love grows ever nearer, publicity efforts are ramping up. Ave Maria Press drafted this press release to give folks an idea of what can be found inside our book. If you like what you see, please share widely!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

No marriage—even a sacramental one—is free from conflicts about sex, money, child-rearing, in-laws, and work/life balance. In their new book The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, marriage columnist Karee Santos and her husband, Manuel, a psychiatrist who has been counseling couples for more than fifteen years, explore how applying the wisdom of the Catholic faith to marriage can free us to experience deep, lasting, and soul-satisfying love. 

The Santoses draw on real-life stories, scriptural principles, and the timeless wisdom of St. John Paul II to help celebrate the sacrament of Marriage without downplaying the difficulties of married life. In doing so, they will inspire readers to stay in love with each other, Christ, and the wisdom of the Church. 

The Santoses tell their own story as well: how they learned not to cling to personality, culture, or religious differences; how they learned to put family first; how they overcame health crises that exacted a physical, emotional, and spiritual toll; and how they navigated stressful holiday get-togethers with extended family. They let God transform them and make their marriage stronger. 

Each chapter provides discussion questions, action prompts, quotes from the Catechism of the Catholic Church and various popes, and additional online and print resources to stimulate the couple’s conversation, mutual understanding, and positive change. Free worksheets and other supplemental resources are available on the authors’ website, canwecana.blogspot.com.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS 

Karee Santos is a Catholic blogger and speaker and a writer for the Catholic Match Institute. She has written numerous articles on marriage and family for the National Catholic Register, Catholic Digest, Faith & Family magazine, CatholicLane.com, AmazingCatechists.com, and Aleteia.org. She blogs at Can We Cana?  

Manuel Santos, M.D., is a psychiatrist at Mercy Hospital, Rockville Centre, New York. He also reviews annulment cases for the Marriage Tribunal of the Archdiocese of New York. Dr. Santos is a member of the Sexual Abuse Review Board for the Prelature of the Holy Cross and Opus Dei and also is a member of the Catholic Medical Association, CatholicTherapists.com, and the Society of Catholic Social Scientists. 

The Santoses designed and taught a pre-Cana marriage preparation course, and they write a monthly marriage advice column on CatholicMom.com called “Marriage Rx.” They contribute to FAITH magazine’s “Marriage Matters” advice column. The couple lives in Garden City, New York, with their six children.

The Four Keys to Everlasting Love

How Your Catholic Marriage Can

Bring You Joy for a Lifetime

By Karee Santos

and Manuel P. Santos, M.D.

ISBN: 978-1-59471-603-4

256 pages • $15.95

Catholicism/

Marriage and Relationships

Also available as an eBook

Click here to purchase on Amazon

Click here to purchase on B&N

12 Main Topics Married Couples Need to Know

Catholic couples today desperately need a transfusion of spiritual truths combined with solid practical advice. The Vatican identified the most crucial topics that couples need to know in its document Preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage -- and our marriage advice book, The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, covers every single one. Each of the book's twelve chapters focuses on a different essential area of concern including:

• personality differences,
• sacramentality,
• dealing with in-laws,
• work/life balance,
• finances,
• community service,
• sexuality,
• fertility,
• special family circumstances,
• parenting,
• prayer, and
• imitating the Holy Family.

As far as we know, there is no other book or program

that addresses all these essential areas.

Take a deeper look at how we did it in this 

Pre-release Table of Contents Reveal:

 

Part I    CALLED TO BE FAITHFUL AND FORGIVING

Chapter 1    Turning Two into One: How to Overcome the Differences That Divide You

Chapter 2    Turning Good Marriages into Pathways to Glory: It’s a Sacrament; It’s a Vocation; It’s a Road Map to Heaven!

Chapter 3    Turning Union into Communion: Extending Your Love to Your In-Laws and Beyond

Part II    CALLED TO BE FREE

Chapter 4    Turning Meaningless Drudgery into Meaningful Work: How to Prioritize God, Family, and Work

Chapter 5    Turning Ownership into Stewardship: Six Tips for Trouble-Free, God-Centered Finances

Chapter 6    Turning Inaction into Action: Families at the Service of Other Families

Part III    CALLED TO BE FRUITFUL

Chapter 7    Turning Spouses into Life-Giving Lovers: The Creative Power of Sex

Chapter 8    Turning the Fear of Fertility into a Total Gift of Self: Finding a Better Alternative to Artificial Birth Control and IVF

Chapter 9    Turning Challenges into Channels of Grace: Big Families, Special-Needs Kids, Adopting, Fostering, and Stepparenting

Part IV    CALLED TO LOVE TOTALLY AND FOREVER

Chapter 10    Turning Children into Adults: Forming Your Children’s Bodies, Minds, and Souls in Christ

Chapter 11    Turning Our Homes into Places of Prayer: The Eternal Consequences of Everyday Family Life

Chapter 12    Turning into a Happier, Holier Family: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph Can Show You How

 EXCITING BOOK NEWS!!

The books have reached the warehouse, and we have already held the first copies of The Four Keys to Everlasting Love in our hands! Pre-orders and review copies are being shipped out as we speak. Colleagues have told us that they feel "blown away by the gift this will be for couples." We hope you'll feel the same.

To get the book from Amazon, click here. To get the book from Barnes & Noble, click here. And to get a bulk discount on 5 or more copies from the Ave Maria Press website, click here and type in the promo code 4KEYS when ordering.

A Pornographic Culture (Part II): How to Protect Against the Damage to Intimacy

This is the second and final part of an essay on pornography by Amanda Zurface, a licensed canon lawyer working as the Catholic Campaign Coordinator for Covenant Eyes, a company committed to Internet accountability and filtering. To read the first part, click here.

Porn Harms Souls and Damages Intimacy

You have now seen how pornography is feeding and affecting our culture, as well as the direct impact it is having on our marginalized brothers and sisters in the sex worker industry. The next question is how does the Pornographic Culture impact those who view or use porn. If you use porn, ask yourselves: How does an addiction to pornography impact your vocational discernment? How does it impact your marriage? How it is impacting the development of your children? How is it impacting your participation at Mass, the Sacraments, and your involvement in your parish community?

To answer these questions, we must talk about sin. The struggles that are involved with pornography are sinful, and often times the activity is very serious sin, known as mortal sin. That’s right, no consumption of pornography can be justified. You have been lied to when you have been told that it’s not sinful or harmful to use pornography in certain circumstances. Some may have told you that it’s OK to use pornography as a form of therapy; that pornography can be a helpful aid in sexual development; or it can be helpful with intimacy between you and your spouse. You are owed an apology if you have ever been told one of these lies. Pornography is always sinful.

With any earthly pleasures that may degenerate into sin, we all know well that they are quickly accompanied by sadness, regret, guilt, deep pain and loneliness. This is especially the case when it comes to sins against the gift of our human sexuality and the misusing of our sexuality. As consumption of pornography grows, men and women begin to lie and cover up their pornography usage, domestic violence and child abuse can begin to occur, families fall apart from the many effects and hardships pornography brings into the family, crime may become an issue -- the list goes on and on. To put it simply, pornography turns us in on ourselves, it suffocates our vocations, it deadens our hearts to spiritual things and God and damages human relationships, and it erodes the family. 

The first to feel the violence of pornography use is always the spouse if the person is married. If the married couple has children, the next to feel its effects are the children. By the presence of pornography, intimacy is taken out of that household. Bishop Loverde says: “The use of pornography damages the very human qualities that make intimacy possible…” 

For more information on how pornography directly impacts one’s marriage, what are the effects of those who give their bodies as objects, particularly women, how it has impacted and accelerated the notion of free sex, and the connection to homosexuality and experimenting with one’s sexuality, I encourage you to visit www.covenanteyes.com and www.integrityrestored.com.

We Can Protect Ourselves Against Porn

To quit viewing pornographic images is difficult, and it is especially difficult when you don’t know where to start. Or, if you’re seeking to protect your marriage and family from the culture’s effects, including protecting your children online, you might be wondering where to start. Here are a few tips!

• Read the United States Catholic Bishops, Create in Me a Clean Heart: A Pastoral Response to Pornography.
• Set yourself up with the Covenant Eyes Internet Accountability and Filtering Software.
• If you have an addiction to pornography or other sexual addictions, frequent the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but also seek out spiritual direction. Through spiritual direction and confession, you may consider the benefit of seeking out a professional therapist.
• Your children need you to guide them. Have ongoing healthy and God-centered conversations about sexual temptations and what it is they see and do online. Educate yourself with the free e-book Parenting the Internet Generation.
• Renew your commitment to your spouse before God. Pray as a family. Pray the rosary and entrust your family to care of St. Joseph.
• Keep the Sabbath holy. Go to Mass every Sunday and daily, if you can.
• Learn about Pope St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body.
• Admit you are wrong and need to change. Seek to develop deep and authentic friendships.
• Find one or two faithful Catholic friends who can hold you accountable for living your faith.
• Fast and if necessary, discontinue your cable and Internet subscription. Avoid movies and TV shows that objectify the human body. It’s not worth it!
• Pray for the victims of the pornography and human trafficking industry.

Each human being is unique and unrepeatable. Each one of us was created for perfect love. God wants infinitely more for us than what a Pornographic Culture has to offer us. Remember, in our weaknesses, he always offers his mercy, compassion and grace to persevere to overcome obstacles that keep us from fully loving Him and our brothers and sisters. So, here’s the last pointer, don’t give up! Trust in the Divine Mercy of Jesus Christ.

This article was originally printed in Our Northland Diocese. It is lightly edited and reprinted here with permission.

A Pornographic Culture (Part I): We Are Being "Groomed" For It

I am honored to feature an incisive two-part essay on pornography by Amanda Zurface, J.C.L., the Catholic Campaign Coordinator for Covenant Eyes. Covenant Eyes is a company committed to Internet accountability and filtering, providing powerful weapons against the electronic encroachment of porn. Amanda Zurface is a licensed canon lawyer with undergraduate degrees in Catholic Theology and Social Justice. 

Our Culture is Grooming Our Appetite for Porn

We all know it’s there and probably have some idea of how we could access “it.” Yes, pornography. Although porn affects some of us more directly, there’s no doubt that porn is a problem impacting all of us, and it’s not going away anytime soon. Pornography has formed the culture we now live in - a “Pornographic Culture.” No one person can separate himself or herself from the scourge of pornography and then declare the battle won. Porn has created a culture of its own and this culture is influencing each one of us spiritually, physically, emotionally, and relationally – though to a greater or lesser extent depending on if we directly participate in the use of pornography. There are immense moral, social, and spiritual dangers.

Here’s a clear example of the Pornographic Culture in the works. The movies and television we watch, even our state and national laws, and our public schools now tell us how and what to think about in regard to our sexuality. Their main message: human sexuality has no God-given purpose. Society – the Pornographic Culture – says we can use our sexuality however we feel. And, guess what? It will have no consequences! Wrong! But, this is the message of the Pornographic Culture itself. That is, do what you want, how you want, when you want, and at the cost of the dignity of the human person, at the cost of betraying God’s design and purpose for the sexual act, at the cost of your marriage and family, your child’s innocence, your priestly or religious vows, and so on.

Author Kristen Clark, writing on the topic 5 Ways Our Culture is Grooming Your Daughter for Porn for Covenant Eyes, shares this: “Whether your daughter is seven years old or seventeen, our culture is grooming her for an appetite for pornography.”  Clark is speaking directly about our daughters, but this is also the case for all of us. Society is grooming girls and boys, men and women in a way that all of us may acquire an appetite for porn and even begins to lead us down a path of dehumanization. It may be subtle on some occasions, but it's happening and it has been happening. With every “sex scene” we innocently watch at the movie theatre to the advertisements we see in magazines and at the malls, romance novels we read, nude images we accidentally come across on social media, Clark expresses, "we are slowly becoming desensitized and our conscience and sensitivity to purity and morality is weakened and our view of sex is being watered down. We are one step closer to viewing porn as a harmless pleasure.”

The Porn Industry Unjustly Targets and Victimizes the Most Vulnerable

Pornography currently occupies over 12% of the Internet, with 25 million sites today, making $5 billion in profit a year. Those who work for the pornography industry are typically pulled into it by the promise of money that can be made easily and without an education, references, or prior experience. This industry doesn’t discriminate, and it targets the most vulnerable: the poor, the abused and marginalized, and even children. This probably doesn’t sound like the job market we’re used too, does it?

In his Pastoral Letter titled Bought with a Price, Bishop Paul Loverde of Arlington, Virginia, explains that the porn industry's “exploitation of the weak is gravely sinful. Whether need, confusion, or alienation leads men and women to become pornographic objects, their choice to do so certainly cannot be seen as free.” It is becoming increasingly known that more of the “workers” or more appropriately, the “victims,” are younger girls, sometimes they are even children. This is another example of what a Pornographic Culture looks like. The vulnerable are taken advantage of, dehumanized, and innocence is destroyed for profit: all acts of violence.

Further, it is becoming more apparent that there are critical links between the use of pornography and the prevalence of sex trafficking. A free e-book from Covenant Eyes, called Stop the Demand: The Role of Porn in Sex Trafficking addresses the connection between pornography and human trafficking: “A key ingredient to the success of commercial sex is the belief that people—women and children especially—are sexual commodities, and Internet pornography is the ideal vehicle to teach and train this belief.” Pornography destroys the lives of those depicted in porn, as well as the intended audience. While human trafficking – a consequence of pornography - may seem like an issue that has little to zero impact on our own community, we need to think again. Our own communities may be corridors for human trafficking.

This article was originally printed in Our Northland Diocese. It is lightly edited and reprinted here with permission.