Taking Baby Jesus on Retreat

"I feel strange," I told my husband as he dropped me off at the station to board the train bound for my annual three-day-long silent retreat.

"I know," he responded, smiling. "You don't have a baby with you."

For practically every silent retreat during the past fifteen years, I had been either pregnant or nursing. I had gotten used to rearranging the furniture in the tiny retreat house bedroom, so the baby could nestle safely between my body and the wall while we slept at night. This year, my sixth and youngest child had already turned five years old. I wasn't sure what to do with myself on retreat without a baby.

To my astonishment, I could barely keep my eyes open for the whole three days. I nodded off during the lectures, dozed through the Rosary, and snoozed at Mass.

"Give your tiredness to God," advised my spiritual director. "He is happy with whatever we give him."

So I imagined sleepily cuddling with the Baby Jesus. I thought of how much loving care a baby takes, and how constant care can turn into constant prayer.

Many times in the past, feeling sorrowful and broken, I had imagined myself held on Blessed Mother Mary's lap, like the body of the adult Jesus in Michelangelo's famous sculpture, the Pieta. But this time, sinking again and again into rejuvenating slumber, I wrapped my arms around the Baby Jesus and invited him into my maternal heart.

This post appeared first on Catholic365.com.

Loving through Suffering like Mother Teresa

I took the plunge last week and consecrated myself to Our Blessed Mother on her Feast of the Immaculate Conception (December 8). Together with other bloggers from CatholicMom, I prepared by using the book 33 Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael E. Gaitley, MIC. Here's my reflection on Day 31, which summarized the Marian approach of Blessed Teresa of Calcutta, better known as Mother Teresa.

Today's Reflection:

Today, we review the three elements of Blessed Mother Teresa's devotion to Our Lady: 1) thirst, 2) heart, and 3) covenant. A good way to sum up what Mother Teresa beautifully expressed is: "Jesus, I yearn to satiate your thirst for souls with all the love and suffering of my heart, through the total gift of myself to your beloved Mother." Our Lady knows better than anyone how much her son thirsts for souls. If we let her, she will inspire us to love Jesus with her own perfect love. If we give her our heart, she will give us her own. If we give her everything and become wholly hers, she will possess, protect, enlighten, guide, and transform us.

Mother Teresa is famous throughout the world for her good works with the poor. But very few people knew, until her death, that she labored cheerfully through an intense spiritual darkness that caused her immense interior suffering. Cheerfulness does not come easily to everyone. Most days, I would rather growl than smile. It is hard for me to serve anyone when I am suffering. I would rather curl up into a ball and cry bitter tears far away from any prying eyes. The strength to serve others the way that Mother Teresa did in the midst of her own suffering is truly strength from God.

We know that Our Lady, Mater Dolorosa, Mother of Sorrows, found the strength to stand -- not collapsed in grief and pain, but upright on her own two feet -- at the foot of the Cross that bore her son, crucified, bloody, and dying. By consecrating ourselves to her, we receive her ability to pray, to love, and to serve despite suffering, sadness, and worry.

To Ponder:

Do I sometimes allow my own sadness to prevent me from serving those whom I love?

Let Us Pray:

Our Lady of Sorrows, give us the same strength that you displayed at the foot of the Cross and that Blessed Mother Teresa displayed throughout her ministry to the poorest of the poor. Teach us to satiate the thirst of Jesus with the total gift of our hearts.

How 15 Minutes of Prayer Can Change Your Life

Gary Jansen's book on Ignatian prayer hit the number one spot in its category of Hot New Releases on Amazon within the first week of publication. It was my privilege to interview this fellow Long Islander and senior Penguin Random House editor on behalf of Catholic news site Aleteia.org. Due to word count limitations, the interview on Aleteia needed to be shortened. Here is the original, extended edition.

In The 15-Minute Prayer Solution, author and senior Penguin Random House editor Gary Jansen shows how a commitment to fifteen minutes of daily prayer can awaken a relentless desire to place God at the center of everything. Just as you don’t exercise one day a week and expect to see results, the same is true of prayer. Forming a habit of daily prayer can transform our lives, but many of us need help in developing or deepening that habit. Enter Jansen’s book.

I recently interviewed Jansen about the distinctive Ignatian or Jesuit approach he takes to progressing in the interior life.


1. How can fifteen minutes of prayer a day make a difference in someone's life?

At the heart of the book is a simple premise: there are 1,440 minutes in a day. One percent of that time is 14 minutes and 24 seconds, so roughly 15 minutes. What would happen if you dedicated just one percent of your life every day to God? Would it change your life? I asked myself those questions a few years ago and the answers revolutionized my life. Though I’m Catholic and spend a lot of time in church, I’ve always had a difficult time focusing on prayer. But once I made a deliberate commitment to daily prayer, almost instantly I felt more peaceful, more patient, more aware. Within a short period of time I found that one percent turned into two percent and then three percent and then I would find myself praying throughout the day. I would wake up and the first thoughts I had were about God, thanking God for the morning. Then something else exciting happened. The more time I gave to God, the more I felt God giving me back time. I seemed to have more time to do the things I needed to do in my life, not less. So this book is about deliberately setting aside time, getting back to the basics of prayer and being consistent. You don’t exercise one day a week and expect to see results. It needs to be a daily commitment. The same holds true for prayer.

2. Why did you decide to focus on the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius Loyola?

What I love most about Ignatius’s teaching was the simple idea of searching for God in all things. How can I find God in nature? In my family? In adversity? At work? On the streets? I loved the idea that God was very close and not far away, that I could enter a cathedral of everyday living and be in the presence of God at all times. I focused on the Exercises because I truly love the idea of finding God in all things…in another person, in a paper clip, in science or even in a tattoo.

3. Do you think there's an increased interest in the Jesuit approach to prayer because of Pope Francis, the first Jesuit ever elected to the papacy?

I do. There is a lot of Ignatius in Pope Francis and how he stresses discernment and looking for Jesus in the eyes of the poor and those who struggle. In addition, many people have already been introduced to Jesuit spirituality in the U.S. because of Father James Martin and his books like The Jesuit’s Guide to Almost Everything and My Life with the Saints. He’s a terrific writer, he’s funny, and he has a gift for taking difficult concepts and making them very easy to understand. And he has sold a lot of books. He’s probably the bestselling Catholic writer in the U.S. today.

4. How much does your book draw on your personal prayer life? 

The short answer is a lot. Even though I went to Catholic school for 12 years, I don’t think I ever learned to pray much more than the Our Father and Hail Mary. But some years ago I decided to try a number of different prayer techniques including lectio divina and praying with the imagination (a favorite of Ignatius). How I prayed and what I prayed made its way into the book because of the profound effect on my life. Moreover, I’ve given workshops on a number of these prayer types and received very positive feedback.

5. Have you ever attended an Ignatian retreat? 

Yes, I’ve been on maybe 20 Ignatian retreats over the last 15 years.  When the Jesuits sold St. Ignatius Retreat House in Manhasset  to land developers in 2013, I lost my home away from home. Those retreats brought me closer to Ignatius, Mary and ultimately Jesus. As I like to say: to Jesus through Ignatius, to Jesus through Mary, and to Jesus through all of creation.

6. As a senior editor with Crown Publishing at Penguin Random House, you have edited books by some of the best Catholic authors in existence, including Pope Francis, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, Bishop Robert Barron, George Weigel, Colleen Carroll Campbell, Scott Hahn, Cardinal Dolan, Cardinal Wuerl, Archbishop Chaput, Christopher West, Mike Aquilina, and many others. How has this experience informed your writing style?

I feel blessed to have worked with so many great, thoughtful, and intelligent writers, and I learn something new with each book I edit. An editor is a guide, like a shepherd helping to move the book through the wilderness of publication, pointing out when a writer might go astray, being his or her advocate and coach. My style developed through a combination of influences from various great writers, from the simplicity of Pope Francis’s prose to the poetry of Colleen Carroll Campbell’s writing to the logic of Bishop Robert Barron’s arguments. Each book is an education, and I’m so thankful to have been a shepherd for all these authors.

7. Is your book mainly for beginners in prayer or can it also help those looking to deepen their spiritual life?

It’s for both. My desire was to write a modern book about a traditional topic. I had two readers in mind when I wrote it, the beginner and the reader who has been praying all of his or her life. One of my favorite books growing up was The Little Prince, so I tried to write like that -- simply but in a way where the prose has layers of meaning. My hope is that no matter where you are on the spiritual path you’ll find something to make you ponder. For me the book is about returning to the basics, about putting first things first. I offer this book as a prayer to help others on their spiritual journey.

Karee Santos is the founder of the Can We Cana? blog and also has written for Catholic Match Institute, Catholic Digest, National Catholic Register, and CatholicMom.com. Together with her husband Manuel Santos, M.D., she co-authored The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: How Your Catholic Marriage Can Bring You Joy for a Lifetime (Ave Maria Press, 2016). The Santoses designed and taught a pre-Cana marriage preparation course, and they write a monthly marriage advice column on CatholicMom.com called “Marriage Rx.” They also contribute to FAITH magazine’s “Your Marriage Matters” advice column. The couple live in Long Island, New York, with their six children.

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Men and Women Are Not Made to Be Alone

Our parish's monthly morning retreat for mothers continues to explore Love is Our Mission, the preparatory catechesis for the 2015 World Meeting of Families. The following reflects on Chapter 4, Two Become One. Last month's talk was on The Meaning of Human Sexuality.

"We are not made to be alone. Human beings need and complete each other," stated the organizers of the 2015 World Meeting of Families. Friendship and community both fulfill our human need for connectedness, but marriage "is a uniquely intimate form of friendship," they recognized. Like all long-lasting friendships, marriages need work to survive.

Before getting married, most of us construct fantasies around our future marriage and family life. Whether it involves building the best careers while raising the brightest kids, or peacefully creating the perfect home, these fantasies all contain some element of unreality. The danger is that when reality intrudes, as it inevitably must, we feel tempted to blame our spouse or our marriage or even marriage itself without acknowledging that bumps along the road are an inescapable part of life. So, what's a married couple to do?

First, make a conscious effort to let go of resentment. Resentment and disappointment fester and become bitter. Let it go! Be the one to break the stalemate. Say sorry first. Realize that clinging to resentment gives it power over you. Reconcile with your spouse. Admit that you're not perfect either. Get mad again, throw a plate or two (as Pope Francis is fond of saying), and reconcile again.

Second, have hopes rather than expectations. Expectations create an attitude of entitlement. I went to an Ivy League school, therefore I deserve a six-figure salary. I'm smart, therefore I deserve smart kids. I've prayed faithfully to God all my life, therefore I don't deserve this tragedy or that suffering. Hopes are different than expectations. You can hope for a high salary, a relatively trouble-free life, and brilliant, beautiful, and well-behaved kids. But don't feel deprived of less than your due if you don't get them all. Strive for St. Paul's peaceful sense of acceptance: "I have learned to be content with whatever I have. ...I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need" (Phil. 4:11-12).

Third, be grateful so you can be generous. It's hard to give when you don't feel that you have received enough. It's hard to give when you feel depleted and empty. Look hard at your life and fill yourself with gratitude. Do you have good health, a job, a house, children, an education, faith in God, someone to hug you? All these things are gifts, and not everyone has them. Realizing how much we have to be grateful for allows us to be generous with our spouses, our families, and our communities.

The Church wants to help married couples through their struggles. "In response to ... possible worries and fears, the Church offers Jesus, the sacraments, and the support of her own members in mutual fellowship," WMOF organizers stated.

Pope Francis said, "The Sacrament of Matrimony ... takes place in the simplicity and also the fragility of the human condition. ...The important thing is to keep alive the link with God, which is the basis of the marital bond." Jesus makes the impossible possible! We just have to ask him and trust in his response.

Christ himself works through the sacraments of Matrimony, Eucharist, and Penance and Reconciliation. Mass and confession are ever-flowing sources of grace. "The Holy Spirit is a fire in the sacraments," explained WMOF organizers. The sacraments can rekindle a burning desire to love one another, to accept whatever the present brings, to hope for a better future, and to be grateful for all God's good gifts.

As Christian spouses, we are blessed and beholden to accompany other married couples on on this pilgrimage through life. Building a marital relationship is like building a house, and "we build a house together, not alone!" said Pope Francis. Especially during this season of Advent, awaiting the coming of Our Lord, we can reach out and draw closer to our fellow pilgrims, sustaining them and being sustained by them, together in faith.

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This Lent, Join Thousands in Learning About Mercy in Marriage

My husband Manny and I are excited to join several stellar speakers for a February 2016 online event called Faces of Mercy, produced by CatholicConference4Moms. Over 4,000 Catholic women registered for last year's event. Manny and I will be speaking on Mercy in Marriage and the power of forgiveness to make your marriage strong, long-lasting, and joyful. Other presentations cover a wide range of topics such as teaching children how to forgive, overcoming evil through showing mercy, lessons on Divine Mercy from St. Faustina, and the role of mercy in combating pornography addiction.

This year's amazing line-up of presenters includes:

• Jennifer Fulwiler, Sirius XM radio show host & author of the best-selling conversion memoir Something Other Than God;

• Simcha Fisher, speaker at the World Meeting of Families and author of The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning;

• Kimberly Hahn, Bible-study author and wife of theology professor Scott Hahn;

• Mike Aquilina, author or editor of more than 40 books and host of several television series on EWTN; and

• amazing friends and colleagues like Elizabeth Reardon, Pat Gohn, Allison Gingras, and Lisa Duffy.

Conference organizer Tami Kiser has brought to life an extraordinary way of entering into the meaning of Christ's mercy during this Year of Mercy, starting on December 8, 2015, that Pope Francis has declared for the Church. Pre-recorded talks from the Faces of Mercy conference will be available to registrants on demand all throughout Lent. Plus, on February 20, 2016, Jennifer Fulwiler will be hosting live in the morning, and moms can gather virtually in the afternoon for live stream praying of the Divine Mercy chaplet.

A special option available this year is for parishes to host the talks as a Lenten retreat. This is a great way to rejuvenate faith and trust in God during the cold winter months before we celebrate Christ's resurrection! The CatholicConference4Moms website has all the information for parish participation here. 

Please consider registering either as an individual or on behalf of your parish, if you're a catechist or religious education director. May Christ shower his mercy and blessings upon you!